Not invited to stepdaughter's wedding

[Chewitally]

I've been with her Dad for over ten years. Her mum's partner is invited.

We don't have a good relationship for reasons irrelevant to this but I never thought she would stoop so low as to not invite me to her wedding.

You're a snake.

You were her mum's confidante and you now don't like her or her daughter.

Block him from going if you can't get over your ego, then watch as he misses out on it and later misses out seeing his grandchildren. Or grow up, become an aware adult. Support him in building his relationship to help you build one too.

Maybe they could have a sps day together , instead of attending the "stepdaughters" wedding?

I think SD's mum may have been quite adamant about this . Along the lines of "if that bitch turns up I'm walking out". Can't really blame her. It is sad that things haven't been sorted out after 10 years though. Perhaps your partner can go and see his grandkids at their place, if they don't like coming to yours, or invite them to a restaurant for lunch including SD and her DH of course, and you do something different that day. Then you turn up occasionally Things like that might break the ice.
Please do encourage your partner to at least attend the ceremony. He will regret it if he doesn't.

Are they also pathetic or is there a bit of compassion for them? Also, you don’t know what they’d do if it hasn’t happened yet. So let’s not be too hasty with the unfavourable comparisons.

Your DD was happy enough to accept the invitation knowing you’d been excluded…maybe she won’t invite either of you 🤷‍♀️

Is that necessary??

The DP's ex-wife is still bitter 10 years after her ex-friend got together with her ex-husband. Is that reasonable? She didn't fucking want him any more did she? She doesn't get to dictate who he gets together with after they have separated!

If the OP, as she says, got together with her friend's ex after they split, what of it? Ok, it's not ideal but why bear a grudge all these years later after everyone involved has moved on? Maybe a good friendship developed into something more? It happens!! The OP used to be her friend?!

Inviting her dad's DP of 10 years could have been an olive branch towards better relationships all round in the future, particularly if there are babies involved in that future. But no, the stepDD chose to continue the emnities instead of moving forwards.

Time for everyone to grow the fuck up! And yes, the OP should have been invited to the wedding! I wasn't invited to my SIL's wedding. It was a small wedding granted following after an illness diagnosis and a family loss. However, I had been in her life since she was a schoolgirl when I first got together with her only brother. We'd been together for 5 years before we got married and had been married for 20+ years and I was the mother of her only biological DNs. She had been my bridesmaid (didn't wait to be asked, as she would have been as DH's only sibling but demanded it!) but she invited DH to the wedding, whilst our children and I were only asked to the evening do. She had cousins and friends at the wedding but not her only brother's long-term wife and children.

I took a back step after that.

Why is your husband choosing you over his own flesh and blood? So many stories on MN about men abandoning their children for a "new" family. I would lose all respect for him, but that's just me.

Seriously?!!!

Maybe he is just being supportive of his wife???

'Because I should be there as her dads partner'

How nasty of you.

You don't get on. It's HER day. The last thing she wants is you sitting there giving her the stink eye.

Why would they buy into a version of events they lived through? Why would they not believe their own mum above all others?

HUGE backstory here.

Does he need to offer a compromise?

No, but he does have to recognise that his current wife is being left out for reasons of pettiness, 10 years down the line!

If you ever want to build a relationship with her OP then you need to accept her decision. Send her a response saying you accept her decision that you won’t be at the wedding, but you are sending her and her fiancé your best wishes.

If you see yourself as her dads partner for the long term then someone needs to start building bridges, so be the bigger person, there may be grandchildren one day, you and your partner will want to be part of their lives. You may not ever be best buddies but you can try to maintain a polite and respectful relationship with each other.

Younger generations see it as breaking the girl code to date your friend's ex, don't they?

It’s not just younger women. I’m nearly 60 and It’s always been a thing that your friends ex partners are out of bounds - you don’t shit on your own doorstep.

Too many of his ex wives friends hanging around to be trusted to go alone 😂

Late 49s here, it broke the girl code as she had been her best friend. There is so much more here, even OPs DD was invited and will go so she knows the score.

@Yerushalmi Have you actually read the backstory here before you started calling posters "thickos".

"Pettiness" - that's rich. OP is the one pissed off at not being invited to the wedding of a woman she clearly dislikes and who dislikes her, an invitation she claims she'd probably refuse if it was offered. Reading between the lines, it sounds like her own kids don't have much time for her, and one of them is friends with the bride and has been invited.

What was his reply?

There is no SHOULD in wedding invitations. She doesn’t like you and she doesn’t want you there. She doesn’t respect you, so of course you aren’t invited. Frankly, if you’ve treated her anything like the way you’ve spoken about her and her mother in this thread, I’m not surprised she doesn’t respect you.

If her dad wants to be at his daughter’s wedding, that’s up to him. If he’s upset that you aren’t invited, maybe he needs to look at why that is.

I fin d it amazing that you expect your partner to put you before his child. Would you do the same? You keep saying, why would he want to go? Simple answer is because he is her dad and disrespect or not parents are supposed to love their children unconditionally. It is obvious the concept is alien to you hence no surprise your children have problems with your relationship.
my DS has no relationship with his step mum but have an amazing one with my husband, his step dad. For my DS’a 18th celebration he made it clear to his dad he didn’t want his wife there but my DH will be there. His dad wasn’t happy but accepted it - it is called parents’ love. and for the record I never had anything against his dad’s wife - she wasn’t nice to DS when he was young and he refused to stay at their place since he was a teen.

Let's say you were invited.

Everyone is going to be gushing over the bride. You will have a face like you're sucking lemons.

You're going to be doing the Meghan Markle death grip on your partners arm in case he wanders off and has some fun without you.

You only want to be there because you can't stand the thought of your partner enjoying himself with his family and you're going to make him sit there feeling awkward and miserable.

You’re assuming Mum is angry/upset at the loss of Dad. If it was me, I wouldn’t give two shits about my ex at this point but I wouldn’t be forgiving a friend who betrayed me like that.

As you said relation is strained, she doesn’t like you,doesn’t want you at her wedding. unsurprising
Be gracious and accept it, why compel her to accept you as a plus one
Step aside, let her have her day

10 years is nothing! My DH and his sister still refuse to be in the same room with their father’s OW 30 years on. The woman who tormented their late mother whilst she was dying of breast cancer, who moved into her family home and drove her car. Absolutely shameless. Mind you, FIL allowed it all to happen.

She seemed genuinely surprised that she wasn’t invited to our wedding - FIL didn’t go because it was an insult to her. Never mind the other family members, particularly elderly grandparents who didn’t want anything to do with OW.

Anyway, OW won her man. Her kids also don’t have much to do with her - when she moved into my DH’s house, she left her young kids behind. DH sees his dad regularly because ‘I always love him.’ Last time they were at a pub and she came to collect him earlier than the time agreed (she always does this - it’s all about her remember) she could see the, through the pub window and began calling FIL. He said let me finish my pint, she called back. He hung up. She rang again.

He’s miserable.