Not invited to stepdaughter's wedding

[Chewitally]

I've been with her Dad for over ten years. Her mum's partner is invited.

We don't have a good relationship for reasons irrelevant to this but I never thought she would stoop so low as to not invite me to her wedding.

Not angry, merely contemptuous when I think about him at all, which is seldom. He died some years ago and I hadn't seen him for forty years. Mum said him leaving was the best thing he did for her, but she didn't have a "friend" then shagging him and badmouthing her and the kids and expecting them to forget all about it and invite her to their weddings, either.

She doesn't like you and you don't like her. All your presence will do is spoil the bride's big day.

It's also not about your husband. What his daughter wants is more important than what he wants. And if he was any kind of decent dad he would accept that his daughter doesn't want you there and go alone.

The fact that the two of you are apparently both throwing a hissy fit about this rather than accepting that his daughter should be allowed to have the wedding day that she wants and is paying for just says it all really.

Put yourself in her shoes for a second. Would you have wanted someone you couldn't stand at your wedding? Someone whose presence would also upset your mum, who you love?

My children also take issue with our relationship but they wouldn't not invite him

Honestly I think it is you that needs to grow up. Yes it's been 10 years but have you not heard of girl code? You do not date your pal's ex no matter how ex they are or whether the pal has a new partner. It's just icky. Whether you are the OW or not, pal and daughter are always going to think you and DH were laying the foundations for the end of the marriage. Thats why you have an issue. You can say you weren't doing anything while they were married till you are blue in the face but thats the issue. Have a bit of class and tell dh to go to the wedding. Bride is entitled not to have you there particularly if you are vocally dismissive of her feelings. DH is entitled to watch his daughter walk down the ailse. You have no entitlement in this matter. If he misses his daughter getting married, he will eventually resent it when she doesn't come round or he doesn't see his grandkids and that will harm your marriage so for the sake of your marriage tell him to go.

Because I am her dad's partner and should be there as his partner!!!!

But you clearly hate each other. Being a partner to someone she cares about doesn't override that fact. Honestly, you'll be so much happier if you just accept that you'll never be friends. Let your DH have whatever relationship he can manage to forge without you and be happy to keep away from any unnecessary angst. If he stays away from the wedding their relationship is doomed.

Were you friends with her mother when her parents were together? Are you the reason they're not?

Read the thread ffs

Unless the next drip feed is that your husband used to be best mates with your children's father, and they resent him for having been a horrible frenemy to their much loved dad, it's not the same thing at all.

OP can you please tell us whether your partner decided by himself that he would not be attending?

Or did you ask/tell him not to go?

Never once have you said you want to see them get married

it’s all you you you

you clearly have no interest in wedding and think you should have a place by default

please make your DH go

With such delightful comments I can't imagine why you wouldn't be invited. 😂

What's their problem with the relationship?

OP is now whinging that the daughter doesn't visit her father and finds "excuses" - has he ever bothered to visit her? Or would that also require his joined-at-the-hip girlfriend to come along where she's not welcome? Sounds to me suspiciously like he's never put his daughter first at all.

It was never in question he told sd from the start that if I didn't go then he could not go in good conscience

So you genuinely expect your partner to put you above his own daughter, and believe he will? Wow, what a prince. No man or woman should put their new partner above their child.

You're definitely one of life's charmers!!

i invited my stepmother

wish I never did though…..

Your relationship with your step-daughter is clearly beyond repair. I wouldn't have someone at my wedding I couldn't stand either. He should want to go regardless of whether you are invited because she's his child.

She doesnt like you and the feeling is clearly mutual, so why do you want to go? Its not to support her on her big day is it? Its to prove a point that you are her fathers partner, nothing to do with love or familial affection, but point scoring. You want to swan around making sure everyone knows that you are with her father, probably just to piss her mother off. I dont think that she has the right to be pissed off that you got with her ex after they split up by the way, I have no issue with that at all. But I do think that you want to use this wedding as a "fuck you" to her, which I do have a very big issue with.

If you loved her and supported her then I would understand more, but you dont and you havent so YABVU. If her father doesnt attend without you then he is even worse, to put you over his own daughter is despicable, vile, unforgiveable. I hope that he doesnt want a relationship with her going forward as him not going will kill any last chance of that stone dead. She knows where she is in his priorities.

Frankly not you, him or the ex, are coming off well in this but the one person who can be forgiven is the DD who, it sounds like, has been the pawn in this tawdry game of one upmanship amongst all the (so called) adults.

Why…

I hope the young woman and her mother read this thread. MN is rooting for you 💝.

OP, really read the posts, you are not doing yourself any favours by being so stubborn. You don't need to act like a stereotypical fairly tale evil step mother, you can chose to be mature and gracious.

LOL, there's a lot of it! Basically, you don't get on with your stepdaughter's mum, so you're not invited to the wedding, get over it.

If either you or your husband had a good conscience you would have chosen one of the billions of other people in the world to get together with.

Take yourself off on holiday for the week with a friend and let your partner go alone. It's his daughter, after all.

You dont like her, so why are you bothered?

My dd is friends with SD and her mother