Not invited to stepdaughter's wedding

[Chewitally]

I've been with her Dad for over ten years. Her mum's partner is invited.

We don't have a good relationship for reasons irrelevant to this but I never thought she would stoop so low as to not invite me to her wedding.

It does sound like the OP has been with her partner a number of years. Surely that means she is his partner rather than his girlfriend. Although the couple aren't married, I think it's actually not very nice to keep calling the OP, his "girlfriend" if the relationship has been a fairly long one. Just a minor point but I do think some people haven't been very nice on this thread.

It is bad manners to invite someone to a wedding but not invite their partner. A wedding is supposed to be about celebrating a relationship and you don’t do that by ignoring or disrespecting guest’s relationships.

That said, why on earth would you want to attend a wedding at which you are not wanted?

Send your partner off with a passive aggressive present and card, and take yourself off for a weekend away. Be grateful you don’t haven’t to stress about a new outfit that is suitable for a wicked stepmother, deal with family politics, meet your ex-friend face to face when she is clearly not over you hooking up with her ex.

Not to mention her claim here that the bride is being controlled by her mother, and blaming her mother for the divorce - this after the poor woman confided in her.

OP at the end of the day your step daughter is an adult. If she wants to not invite you then down but I agree with your husband for not going!
THATS NOT YOU PUTTING A WEDGE BETWEN A DAD AND DAUGHTER SHE HAS DONE IT HERSELF!

It is a family and friends event for the bride and groom.

You appear to be neither friend nor family, so why would you be invited?

Grow up, his daughter is more important than you.

Have you read all OP's posts? If anyone's "not being very nice" here, there are some prime examples.

I find these sorts of threads so boring.

OP: AIBU?
Everyone: Yes. Yes, you are.
OP: No, you're wrong.

If your DP doesn't go to her wedding then I smell another "my step daughter went NC with us" thread in a year 🙄

Why would you even want to go? If you don’t get on with her, why be at her wedding. Very childish but seriously concerning you think her father should skip the wedding on your behalf. Their relationship shouldn’t have anything to do with you.

Yes I have. There are a lot of hurt feelings and lots of unresolved anger all round. I'm trying to be respectful and it does seem like some people want to stick the knife in to someone who is upset and angry and hurt. I'm not judging anyone and I think people could have been kinder and more measured in their responses.

Erm because he is her father. He should put her first.

Look at it this way, if the bride invited you then her mother would be pissed off. Given that the bride doesn't like you anyway, there's no way she was going to do that. It is a shame they can't let it go after 10 years but some folk really know how to hold a grudge.

My honest, objective advice is to be the better person here. If your husband wants to go to the wedding, send him with your blessing. Take a deep breath and rise above it all, you'll be surprised how much cleaner the air is x

As has been said, why on earth would you want to go?
Up to your partner if he wants to go.

You don’t really seem to understand that the reason he would want to go is because his daughter, the child he put on this earth is getting married. Your wants aren’t relevant in this situation. She doesn’t like you, she isn’t going to waste a space on you that could be for someone she does like. The reason why she doesn’t like you is also irrelevant.

Stop making this about you and encourage your partner to go to her wedding because it’s the right thing to do regardless of whether or not you go. You’re clearly self-centric and have zero self awareness which is probably part of why she doesn’t like you even if she could forgive you going off with her dad when you were her mums friend. You don’t matter in this situation but if you make him feel like he shouldn’t go and he regrets it then you will be equally to blame. Making someone feel stressed or anxious for fear of your reaction is not the same as sharing an opinion with you which judging by your replies is probably why your husband has said he doesn’t want to go without you. Of course he wants to go to his daughter’s wedding! Unless he’s a shit father and waste of space who would rather put his girlfriend over his own flesh and blood.

You've been with your partner for ten years. You coupled up with him even though he used to be your friend's husband. (That's pretty shitty)

What's the situation/atmosphere been like for the past decade? If you've been excluded from the wedding then I'm guessing things haven't been great (understatement) and so why are you surprised not to be invited?

If your partner chooses to not go to his daughter's wedding then shame on him and he should expect his daughter to never have anything to do with either of you going forward.

Give him your blessing to go and don't be a bitch.

Oh well if her father doesn't go ( because of you) the bride can save fifty quid not paying for his meal :)

Another one

Because this is about his daughter not you. Get over yourself. Yes, this is a shit situation but don't stop your husband going to his daughter's wedding.

I have no pity for OP because the situation (assuming this is real) is of her own making, and she shows zero self-awareness or consideration for the bride and her mother, OP's friend she betrayed. It's entitlement and making demands all the way. The bride and her mother were the injured parties, OP doesn't even like them, yet is outraged that she's not invited to the wedding. She's not owed the Be Kind line at all from anyone here.

Well said @BluePapillon!

OP "why would my DP WANT to go to his daughter's wedding without ME?" Erm... because he is her father and usually traditionally the one to 'give her away', much as I hate that terminology. It's supposed to be a happy occasion...I don't think there is any tradition involving the step mother...unless this is fairytale and you are the evil stepmother planning to curse the wedding as that is how you portray yourself so I struggle to believe it's real!. If you are there it's going to be awkward whether you choose to be nice or not. Fact is people do remember and do bear grudges when someone hurts them whether it's 10 or 50 years down the line, and they are entitled to do so. And you did something pretty damn disloyal to your friend, unless you spoke to her first and got her permission to date her ex husband, which would have been the decent thing to do at the time. The daughter is not going to be disloyal to her mum who she wants there by inviting you. Why on earth are you so desperate to go to this wedding, just give it a miss and let your partner go, it's his choice not yours anyway. FYI though, if he chooses to avoid his daughter's wedding because you aren't invited, it shows he is a prick with zero emotional intelligence who doesn't give a damn about his daughter, his actual blood relative. It does frankly speak volumes though that he and you don't see the grandkids a whole lot... Can't be trusted, incompetent, negative behaviour or a combination of the three, I'll wager. Too bad because it could have been a lovely relationship with work. You admit you don't get along, tell me then, why should she pay for an expensive meal for you and have her at her special day if you hate eachother??!! Because she should feel some sense of duty to you? Because her father fancied fucking you over her mum just as soon as he was done with her? Did you at least wait until the sheets were cold before you jumped into bed with your allegedly newly single friends husband? There is an unspoken code of honour amongst friends and aquaintaincies, and well women and decent human beings in general! It's don't shag your friends ex unless you've checked first they are ok with it. How could you not know that?!

Its a harsh move on her part, but ultimately it is HER day and if that means she'll have a happier day without you there, then I think you need to be the bigger person and let her have this moment.

Probably! 😆

Did you miss where the OP said her Stepdaughter was awful to her partner?

Why would the partner then want to make exceptions for his daughter? Relationships with adult children are a two way street.

It doesn't even specify if OP's partner is expected to give his daughter away.

I think you're making massive assumptions, not based on the information we've been given.

He needs to be at his daughter’s wedding. You will just have to agree to disagree about this.

I didn’t invite my stepmum to my wedding, years ago. Didn’t like her, she didn’t like me and I wasn’t going to invite her just because she had married my df. Fortunately she at least had the self awareness to see why she wasn’t invited. My df still gave me away, and even sat at the top table with my dm (they managed to be very civil with each other!). It was lovely, and a very cherished memory of mine. My df died a few years ago, and I have never set eyes on my SM since, thankfully. If I’d had her at my wedding I’d have had to be reminded of her every time I looked at my wedding photos.

I am a step mum. This among many scenarios have passed over my mind over the years.
I would be upset not to be included in step children wedding BUT my husband is their dad and if the step child didn't invite me I would lnt kick up a fuss. I wouldn't stop or make things difficult for my husband.
He should attend his child's wedding and no way on earth I would try and prevent this. If he was torn I would be encouraging him to go.

Be the bigger person and don't create a lifetime of resentment