Not invited to stepdaughter's wedding

[Chewitally]

I've been with her Dad for over ten years. Her mum's partner is invited.

We don't have a good relationship for reasons irrelevant to this but I never thought she would stoop so low as to not invite me to her wedding.

This is the perfect opportunity to be the bigger person. Write them a wedding card, get them a gift and send your DH off to the wedding by himself and wish him a nice time.

Being overly dramatic and making this all about you and the past isn’t going to do you any favours whatsoever.

This 💥😂

I would be absolutely disgusted with my husband is he didn’t to go his own child’s wedding because I wasn’t invited. I suspect the reason she doesn’t like you is because of how much you’ve affected her relationship with her father & the way you speak about her mother. From now on expect no relationship with his kids at all, for either of you. You are both disgusting so I don’t blame them really

Nuance not your thing?

Read the words she uses to talk about her boyfriend’s daughter.

See if you can find anything in the posts with a flicker of self-awareness about the pain she caused.

OP hasn’t said anything in her defence about how she tried to build a relationship with the daughter. So I’m assuming she didn’t.

OP is also happy/smug to be prioritised over the daughter rather than trying to help her boyfriend maintain a relationship with his child.

Any father worthy of the title would put his daughter first.

She's better off without either of you there if this is what you're both like.

He really should want to go without you. You really should want him to. Seems you are well suited.

Gosh, you sound full of animosity. And I can see why her mother would see you getting with her ex as a betrayal. The poor girl is trying to balance the stress and emotional needs of her parents on the day and sounds like she's trying to avoid any animosity.
I think that it's absolutely dreadful that you would expect her own father not to go if you're not invited. That seems immature to me.
The bigger thing to do would be to encourage her father to go, and send her a card and joint present, then plan a nice night in. Her reasons for not wanting you there are valid imo. You can't just kick off because her Mum's partner is invited. It sounds as though you loath her so much that you wouldn't genuinely want to be there anyway.

She’s not your stepdaughter. She’s your boyfriend’s daughter.

I don’t agree that he should put you before his child. It’s awful if he doesn’t go to his child’s wedding.

The other step parent could be invited as they like them. You don’t have to invite people you don’t like.

My dh was invited to his cousin's wedding without me, I didn't give it a second thought. I really dislike this idea that if you invite one person, you have to invite their partner. People are individuals even after they get married.
Also, basically you got together with your friend's ex. Says a lot about you that doesn't change no matter how many years go by.

I’ve seen plenty that’s vile, but namely the fact that she fully expects her other half to ditch his own kids on their wedding day, the day he’s supposed to walk her down the aisle, the day he’s supposed to give her away simply because she’s not been invited herself. To me that is vile behaviour & id be absolutely disgusted with my husband if he decided not to be there for his own daughter because I couldn’t be there too. I’d be telling him his kids should come first & that I would not be part of the reason for destroying his relationship with his daughter. I’d be the bigger person & show that I’m not bitter & twisted to come between a father & his daughter especially if I was previously the ex wife’s friend & had been in the daughters life for a long time

Sounds like your DP needs to run for the hills away from you OP. You are coming across cruel, cold and heartless. I suspect there are more reasons your partners daughter can’t stand you. I wouldn’t invite you either. You’re not first in his life.

You’re being very unreasonable here OP. Nobody should automatically get an invite just because of who you are with.

I was forced to invite people I didn’t know or like to my wedding years ago and it still majorly pisses me off when I look back at our pictures. The day isn’t about you.

*Why would he WANT to go without me! I am his partner. We put each other first

If my sd's mum had done the same maybe they would not have divorced".

What, you mean if her own mother had put her husband above the needs of her daughter, they might not have got divorced?? Are you serious? I am fortunate enough to have a really lovely husband, but my children will always come first. And if he didn't put them first either, I wouldn't want to be with him.

Er, because she is his daughter.

You broke the friend code by getting with your friends ex. It's basic friendship 101.

They arn’t married. The OP is the brides dads girlfriend.

This! There's nothing to indicate OP ever had a stepmother's relationship with the woman (not a girl - she's already had children of her own) she calls her stepdaughter. She's just the father's long-term girlfriend, former "friend" of his ex-wife who betrayed her confidence by shagging him. The more I read, the better off I think the bride will be if these two aren't even peripherally involved in her life (which sounds like all they are now - he doesn't go to see his grandchildren and won't go to the wedding if his GF can't come).

Tell me you have no clue about being a stepchild without telling me you have no clue.

It would have been an extremely difficult decision which they went back and forth over for a while. Ultimately, the bride and groom owe nobody an invitation and just want to have the best day possible. Nothing to do with a power trip.

You sound awful. I hope you don’t have step children.

The vindictive and unnecessary swipe was when OP went off with the bride's dad. And was her Mums friend to make it even worse. Nice one OP. Honestly, do folk not know that actions have consequences.

You come across as so entitled, she doesn't like you.

You are/were not much of a friend if you are snagging her ex husband. Good friends do not cross that boundary.

It may have come from her mum that you shouldn’t be invited but you should allow your husband to go!

If he goes to the wedding he could get to see his grandkids.

It really wouldn’t bother me if my dh went to an event, including a wedding, without me. Especially as It’s his daughters wedding. I would respect her choice at her own wedding.
It’s sad, but not in your control.

She likes him and has a good relationship with him? Just a punt….

If you don't encourage him to go, and put his daughter first then it is highly likely you will cause irreparable damage to their relationship and he will see his grandkids even less. It is her wedding and she can invite who she wants- it is probably because her mum wouldn't want to see you there on the day. To be honest that is understandable despite it being 10 years on. You need to suck it up and tell him to go, parents shouldn't put their partner before their kids.