Not invited to stepdaughter's wedding

[Chewitally]

I've been with her Dad for over ten years. Her mum's partner is invited.

We don't have a good relationship for reasons irrelevant to this but I never thought she would stoop so low as to not invite me to her wedding.

This actually has to be a joke. I can’t believe someone would be so brazenly awful.

I can understand being hurt, and marginally resentful. But to be so completely astounded that your DH would even consider going to his OWN daughters wedding without you, makes you seem like a sociopath.

Life's too short OP to get worked up about this. Yes, it's upsetting but she doesn't want you there. Her dad should go because he's her dad. It's one day. Let the bride have her day and let your partner enjoy it too.

That is perfect. So much better than being a petulant madam over it.

Haven't read the entire thread OP but just want to say I know it can feel hurtful (and a bit embarrassing) to be excluded from a big event.
Also wanted to share that I didn't invite my Dad's partner to my wedding many years ago.

I had mixed feelings about her and just really didnt want to think about her on my wedding day. I knew my mum and dad would both be more relaxed if she wasn't there. It also felt like a bit of a 'rite of passage' marking the end of childhood, I was young, but with all my friends and family around me (and she hadn't really been a part of that era for me). Both my mum and dad's families (who all knew each other and were super amicable despite mum and dad's split) would find the day easier. I guess I also didn't want to be reminded of my parents' divorce on my own wedding day.
My dad's partner was naturally upset. But after initially being a bit miffed she was gracious about it and cautiously over the years we began to get on a bit more. She and I will never be best friends. But I've learned to appreciate her and in our own ways we're fond of each other.

I guess I'm saying don't let one day or party change the course of your relationship (with step-daughter or your partner). Have your feelings about it, but remember it's her wedding day, and you don't need her to publicly validate you to know how much you mean to your partner.

Indeed. The aggression points to the wisdom of the step daughter!

Wonder why.

Oh FFS here we go again. Many SD have huge grudges towards SM largely due to jealously and issues surrounding biological parents divorce and other issues.
Unless you are abusive which I doubt you actually are (as I’m sure only a tiny percentage really are), then you should be there. It’s a power trip. Designed to cause you pain and anguish.
Ignore the majority of people on here. They don’t have a bloody clue about power games within larger ‘blended’ families.
Your husband should be standing up for you and if he’s not he’s showing just how weak he is. If this is not the first time he’s done something like this, then his daughter will know it. She will know how weak he is and what she can get away with.
You have my sympathies.
It is a horrendous experience to have a SD on a power trip and a weak father who is passive.

To be fair if her dad is putting you first, and not his children first I can see why she would be resentful. I also wonder how any woman can respect a man who doesn’t put his kids first, but each to their own.

As you are to her.

I mean, it’s been said a lot already but you really are completely unreasonable and so is your husband.

You shacked up with your friend’s ex husband, and you think it’s acceptable for your husband to prioritise your feelings and ego over his daughter’s.

Doesn’t really matter how long ago it was that you started the relationship, you don’t seem to be making much effort to understand your step daughters feelings.

You and OP should be mates.

Oh OP - haven’t read the whole thread but please dig deep and give everyone some grace.

You’re doing nothing by harbouring all this anger about ‘disrespect’ - you’re not an angry young man spoiling for a fight!

The ONLY way that this is going to move forward with love and light is for you to take the high road. Insisting on being ‘right’ and making your husband ‘take a stand’ is only
going to entrench you further is this.

Imagine that, instead of being angry - you sent a card saying ‘you totally understand not being involved in the day given the long history, but that you’re thinking of them with love and wishing them a life time of happiness’

Imagine your DP went, happily, with your blessing and had a lovely day celebrating his daughter and it was a place of healing and reconnection for them.

imagine you manage to put down your own hurt and anger and feel some compassion for the girl who is still conflicted and upset about her parents marriage ending and looking for somewhere to put those big feelings.

And imagine how much more room you’ll have if you let this all go. The no. 1 winner would be you.

book a spa day / go see a show with a friend / extend all your grace and compassion x 100 to yourself. Bless them and block them from taking up any more space that necessary in your head ever!

so for sure you're hurt by this. You need to have a period of reflection about why your partner's daughter might not like you (that has nothing to do with her mother's influence). And what absolute damage you will do to your partner's relationship with his daughter if he is a no-show.

What father does that? Not a good one for sure.

You need to display grace and dignity, accept that you are not wanted on the happy day, and wave your partner off with a smile.

Yes I really wouldn’t give a shit. I’ve been to weddings without my partner too. I probably wouldn’t shag my mate’s ex though.

Daughter first then wife / second wife.

Some fathers are so selfish and easily manipulated by women.

Sounds like OP is very insecure.

Despite the reasons your partner and his ex split up your attitude isn't great. You come across as completely self absorbed. By inviting you to her wedding, she's basically treating you to an expensive meal when there is hurt there for her mum. I understand your weren't the OW in the true sense of the word, but she was supposed to be your friend (not great to shit on your own doorstep).
You should insist that your partner supports his daughter in HER wedding day and bow out gracefully. Maybe, be showing some kindness and understanding, it will make the first step in fixing the issues

If your partner doesn't go to his own daughter's wedding then shame on him.

It must be upsetting not being invited, but the fact you expect you husband to choose between you and his daughter provides valuable insight into your character - so I am guessing there is a big back story to why she does not like you.

You sound extremely immature and petty OP

Im not the least bit surprised people don’t want you there. They want to enjoy themselves.

Also noted, how you call the ex controlling, but you’re stopping the father from attending his own DDs wedding because you feel affronted. Seems like he jumped out of the frying pan into the fire to me.

Her getting on with her step day but not getting on with you would be perfectly valid

You do not have a good relationship, regardless of reasons - very normal not to get an invite, even as her dad's partner.

Her mums partner probably has a good relationship with her, which is why he is invited.

You got with your friends ex... thats messy, and you expect an invite!?! Wild.

Stop making this about you, don't stop her dad from watching her get married, book a spa day instead.

I've some questions.

When you got together with the your friend's ex husband, did you lose any mutual friends? Did mutual friends side with ex wife or you and your partner?

Is your partner contributing in any meaningful way to the wedding, such as financially or helping with organising it?

Does step daughter have siblings and if yes, how are they dealing with you getting with your friend's ex?

Were you very close friends before you decided to get with her ex?

If you have an ounce of dignity you will encourage your husband to go and have a lovely time celebrating his daughters marriage.

She has disrespected you, but she wanted to. Accept it and move on. You may even surprise her if you respond with acceptance.

Fucking hell, your DH would happily destroy his relationship with his kids on your behalf. No wonder she doesn’t get on with you

Can I ask if you have a good relationship with your kids?