Not invited to stepdaughter's wedding

[Chewitally]

I've been with her Dad for over ten years. Her mum's partner is invited.

We don't have a good relationship for reasons irrelevant to this but I never thought she would stoop so low as to not invite me to her wedding.

Have you taken any steps in 10 years to build relations? Does your stepdaughter see/meet up with you both or just her dad?
At the end of the day it's her wedding she can invite who she likes and if your partner refuses to go because your not invited that will probably be more years of arguing, broke relationships. He.should put his daughter first it's a 1 off day

This

But she presumably gets on with the stepfather. She doesn’t get on with the stepmother.

His child comes before you and rightly so. You're being selfish. You don't get along so why would she invite you? Of course she wants her father there. You're the unreasonable one.

There is no world in which I can imagine dating a friend's ex husband and most people I know would never consider it either - nevermind clearly without her explicit permission. However, apparently you didn't think that was a relevant consideration. I can see why that might not be a good start to a relationship with your SD. But your overall attitude is so horrible that I'm guessing it didn't end there.

Whilst I realise you seem upset it is her day - not yours. She can invite whomever she wants. If you discourage her dad from attending you’re putting yourself in a position where you could be accused of causing issues in the future. I know someone who was in a similar position. They sent a card, didn’t cause a fuss, and the partner (dad) went.

Don’t get over involved, difficult as that sounds. Have a nice day planned for yourself on the day. Let your DH child have the day they want.

I honestly can’t believe you wouldn’t just take the moral high ground in this situation and encourage him to go to the wedding solo with your blessing. Whatever the truth is, she’s his daughter. I actually think it’s pretty awful that you say “we put each other first” in the context of his daughters wedding. And if he was any kind of a decent father he’d be willing to go without you.

Why would he? Because it’s his daughter’s wedding? It’s not nice that you’re not invited, but please encourage him to go . Both he and you can be the bigger person(s) here.

He doesn’t need to make a night of it, but I think he’ll regret not going as will his DD. You can surely see this?

This with bells on!!!!!

shame on your partner if he doesn’t go!

No they don't if they're being unreasonable!

No need for unnecessary name calling.

He'll get to see them even less if he decides not to go to the wedding.

Your partner should definitely go to his daughter’s wedding.

And you should send a nice card wishing her a lovely day.

Then book a lovely treat for yourself for that day and don’t sulk.

This is one of those times where being the bigger person and putting good karma out into the world will be good for all of you in the long run.

I don’t think she’s going to want her children around this woman. Not exactly a nice person or good role model for them.

Because it’s his daughter’s wedding. She should be a priority over you. Massively.

The more you post, the easier it is to understand why you aren’t invited.

I think most people would expect loyal friends not to shag their ex husband.

Oh dear OP, I feel so sad for your SD. You are experiencing the consequence of you and your partner putting your relationship first for the past 10years - and not his DD. The fact you are more concerned about the optics is very telling. And if SD’s mum is an emotional manipulator, like you say she is, then who exactly is truly in SD’s corner here?

If you're a cow?

He puts you before his daughter?

Having read the update about the grandchildren, he’d be even more unreasonable not to attend. I suspect that he will see the grandchildren dramatically less or not at all if he doesn’t attend.

Does he rarely see the grandchildren because you insist on being there too?

is your SD's name cinderella?

Jesus christ you're entitled.

This exact thing happened in my family. Parent who refused to attend without partner was ostracised and rightly so. It is a parents responsibility to have a relationship with their children. The children owe nothing to step parents if they don’t get on.

I am looking at it from the daughters point of view. Ok, so her parents divorce and have moved on with new partners. You were not new to her though, you were a friend of her Mum and she has grown up with you in that role. Your role now is of being her step Mum. She has had to cope with both parents finding new partners but made especially difficult in that you were already known to her. Her Mum's new partner was probably an unknown to her. It does make all the difference. I would be hacked off if a friend of mine came on to an ex partner of mine. It is a little bit close to home. I would feel the same as her Mum probably does and her daughter is being loyal to her. You were (as far as you have stated) not the OW but it doesn't matter, you still shat on your own doorstep.

Maybe your SD gets on with your Mum's partner and will be glad to have him at her wedding day?
Maybe her Mum would find it difficult to have you there?
It's not really about your 'rights' but is about her having a happy wedding with her Mum and Dad.

"If my sd's mum had done the same maybe they would not have divorced"

Ooosh, there we are. True colours peeking through.

Were you the OW?