Not invited to stepdaughter's wedding

[Chewitally]

I've been with her Dad for over ten years. Her mum's partner is invited.

We don't have a good relationship for reasons irrelevant to this but I never thought she would stoop so low as to not invite me to her wedding.

Define "not good"? whats her dads view?
Apart from the initial "blow" do you actually really wanna be there?why?

This

and based on this thread I am not surprised because it is her wedding and presumably she wants to avoid any arguments

ant you see how grtting together with your friends ex could cause issues

Yeah, they do, and I say that as a step mum.

She wants her dad there but not his scummy girlfriend, hardly makes her ‘a little madam’.

I wouldn’t want OP at my wedding either, she sounds like a nightmare.

Wow how entitled are you. Why would he go without you? Because it's his daughter, she comes first. If you actually put him first you'd be telling him to go and have an amazing day for him and his daughter. Your jealously shows through and that's probably why you aren't invited. The day is supposed to be about your step daughter and yet you're making it about you. Beyond selfish of you.

It was me who used the squeegee analogy! I thank you! 🙇‍♀️ x

I can see why she doesn’t like you 🙄

People put their shitty relationships ahead of their kids all the time.

Actually no - any good parent puts their children first, not their partner, especially on the child's wedding day. In the end no part of you sounds like you care about your partner's child - you sound awful in your attitude to her - so why on earth do you care about not going. Just do the right thing for once and encourage your partner to attend something this important for him and his daughter rather than making it all about you.

You are both really selfish. I'd be telling him to go and I'd think very little of him if he didn't. This is going to destroy his relationship with his DD but neither of you care about that or her. Its obvious from your behaviour why she doesn't want you there. You're the one that needs to grow up.

If I knew what I knew now, Dh and I wouldn’t have invited either of our stepparents to our wedding.

It’s actually because my mum prioritised her relationship with her husband over her family (he’s a convicted criminal) that she has no relationship with any of her family anymore.

You don’t have a good relationship. That’s just what it is. I wouldn’t invite someone I didn’t like to be there on my wedding day.

What she has posted here has been unpleasant.

I realise this feels hurtful to you OP. I'm sorry and I know it feels like your stepdaughter is being petty. Gently...I think the most graceful thing to do here is insist your partner go to his daughters wedding. Don't be the cause of a rift in their relationship. Rise above what must feel like a nasty slap in the face. Show grace and emotional awareness that your stepdaughter may not wish to see you at her wedding day as it may upset her mum. I know that it must hurt to feel excluded but if that's your stepdaughters choice then you need have nothing more to do with her. I think its pretty impossible to have any relationship with her going forward and thats fine. Thats her choice. On the day take yourself out somewhere nice to do something for yourself. I'm sorry. It seems like there are a lot of hurt feelings and a lot of anger in the family that might benefit from having someone neutral to talk to.

Because he is her father.

You were friends with this woman and sat and listened to her tell you about the problems in her marriage and I bet at the first opportunity you went running to her husband to tell him all about it under the pretence of "it's so not fair what she is saying about you" and "you deserve better"

You might not have been the other woman but I would bet my fucking life on it that you decided to become his listening ear because the poor baby was being slagged off unfairly by his nasty wife.

You used what she told you to take him for yourself because no decent friend would do this to anyone and the way you talk about her not being able to keep him as if you really can because you are the woman he needed all along.

No wedding invite for you and if you don't encourage your husband to be there for his daughter then I hope what goes around comes around for you

No, I agree that she shouldn't make an ultimatum. If he wants to go without her, he should be able to and she should understand why he would want to.

However, I also understand, as a wife myself how she feels she should have perhaps recieved an invitation. But not my realm of expertise being a step mother as I made sure I was never one.

My step mother was also a friend of my mothers, but we just laugh about it. Sloppy seconds.

I can't believe your partner won't go to his daughter's wedding because she hasn't invited you. I completely agree that she should have done, but you should be the bigger person and encourage him to go. If he chooses to side with you and not go then that's probably the end of him having any relationship with his daughter, and in the long run he might resent that, and it gives her genuine ammunition to dislike you. Yes you are his partner and important to him but she is his daughter and it's not worth wrecking any remnants of a relationship between them to make a point about your non-invite.

Totally disagree, I've seen nothing vile in OP's posts. Only suprise she's getting a pile on because her partner of over 10 years has an ex that she was friends with. Plus, upset she's not invited to her Stepdaughter's wedding when her Stepfather is going.

Whether she was unreasonable to get together with her friend's ex is beside the point really. Whether the friend is unreasonable to still be cross about it ten years later is also beside the point. They don't like her and don't want her there. She has no relationship with her partner's daughter. She's not invited and that's all there is to it.

When she knows there is still so much ill feeling why would she even want to go? Unless it's purely so she can parade around on her partner's arm with her chin jutting out defiantly and her best 'Fuck You' face on?

In which case I can totally understand why the bride would rather keep her away.

I was in a similar situation with my parents. My dad had a new partner of around one year, when I got engaged and I knew it would really take the joy away for my mum, having his girlfriend there. I explained to my dad and his girlfriend the situation and as sad as they were that she wasn’t invited, they didn’t want to upset my mum, or make things difficult for me. My dad came to my wedding solo, walked me down the aisle, ate, drank, danced and had fun.

My dad’s girlfriend is wonderful and since then, they’ve been invited to every family event, many with my mum present too, my DC calls her Nana and we have a great relationship with her and my dad. If my dad had refused to come to my wedding, because of this, we’d probably have a very different relationship now.

It’s not nice to be excluded, but for the sake of your partner’s future happiness, if I were you, I’d encourage him to go. I have step children and would do the same in your situation.

This. Your posts don't make you sound particularly nice, OP.

His love and bond to his Dd is (should be) unconditional. She is his Dd, for life.

It isn’t great that 10 years on things still remain hostile, but things will be worse, and only confirm hers and her Mums upset with his and your behaviour.

Of course he should go to his DD’s wedding

I think it's disgusting that you expect your partner to not go to his own daughter's wedding.
If you don't get on then why would you expect to be invited? I couldn't think of anything worse than walking down the aisle in front of someone I don't get on with.

Oh. My. God. Because it’s his child. You should never be forcing him to choose but if you do and he chooses you then you’ve married a shitty man. You and he chose your life. SD didn’t. FWIW, this stranger on the internet thinks you’re a crappy person if you force your husband not to go. If he chooses not to go, he’s a shitty person too.

Because it's his daughter, who he should be putting before his wife, on her bloody wedding day!