Not invited to stepdaughter's wedding

[Chewitally]

I've been with her Dad for over ten years. Her mum's partner is invited.

We don't have a good relationship for reasons irrelevant to this but I never thought she would stoop so low as to not invite me to her wedding.

This thread is quite bonkers! The amount of posters concluding OP is a disgusting, controlling person. The partner is vile for not putting his daughter first. Life isn't a fairytale! Family relationships, especially adult ones can be complicated!

The Stepdaughter is no longer a child, I don't think it's healthy to blindly put your children first regardless of their behaviour, and treatment of you once they're adults.

I think that the back story might involve her mother sticking her oar in regarding her ex's new partner.
The positive to be taken from it is that in years to come when they're needing some help, eg babysitting you won't need to think long about a response!

I get that it's awkward, but why is it normal etiquette not to do this? (I've never been in this position myself.)

In my husband's case, he was happy enough for his very good friend to move in with his ex. Admittedly, there had been a good period of time before this happened.

Maybe he is loyal to his partner and has chosen not to go for himself? However, I think his relationship to his DD trumps that and he should go.

It's clearly a very difficult situation. I think any woman would find it hard that her friend got together with her ex. @Chewitally I think you need to be sensitive to that.

No you shouldn't. He's perfectly capable of getting through the day without you. The mother's partner being invited is irrelevant. She specifically doesn't want you there for reasons that are understandable. Just accept that, even if you don't respect it.

She obviously wants to avoid a bad atmosphere between you and her mum. No bride wants her day overshadowed by that, but you don't care, do you? You'd rather make this about you.

You can choose to just shrug it off and accept it, you know, and you'd look a lot more dignified by doing that than by having a tantrum over it. You don't have a relationship with her anyway, so it's not as if it's going to break your heart not to be there.

I agree! I don’t blame the SD not inviting her.

Not sure why you quoted me to say this? I made no comment on the rights or wrongs of the brides decision. I merely answered the OPs question.

1/ OP sounds vile.

2/ If her own dad can’t put her first for one day in his life and go to her wedding alone, then it’ll be no loss to the daughter.

He’s lucky he was even invited. These pair sound like a horrible couple with no thought for anyone but themselves.

Because daughter trumps wife

I would not be happy if a father wouldn’t go to his daughters wedding, that’s lower than what your step daughter did

This!

You are forcing your DP to choose between you and his daughter! Grow up. Of course the daughter doesn't want you there, clearly you don't get on. It would also be uncomfortable for her mum and I'm sure her mother is her priority, not you. If your DP feels he cannot go that is because YOU are brow beating him into choosing. Also I can completely understand the mum, your ex friend, feeling betrayed by you. She probably told you all the troubles in her marriage and considered you on her side. You sound highly unpleasant.

Don't be ridiculous. Just from her tweets it is obvious what OP is like (petty, childish and petulant) and why her partner's daughter can't stand her.

Getting together with her friend's ex-husband is really tacky.

None of this is OP's partner's daughter's fault (I assume she was a child when all this happened), and her father should put her first for once and attend her wedding without the OP.

Well he'll probably never see them again if he refuses to attend the wedding unless you are invited.

Another vote for 'this thread is bonkers'.

I can see why her partner might not want to go to the wedding. I expect the daughter is anticipating that TBH.

What's wrong with getting together with a friend's discarded husband?! Why would anyone give a flying fuck? It's just like freecycle - I don't want it anymore, if someone else can use it, great!

It’s one day. It’s his daughter’s wedding. I really think you should be encouraging him to attend for the sake of his relationship with his daughter, which to be frank, should be at least as important as his relationship with you.

I mean this kindly, but he won’t get this chance again and for the sake of one day it could cause a rift that lasts a lifetime.

Sorry you’re hurt or upset. It does sound a tricky situation.

My best friend’s dads partner was friends with her mum, exactly the same as you. She felt really betrayed by their relationship, even though the new partner wasn’t the OW. I know that my friends mum would speak to the new partner about relationship troubles etc which made my friend feel really icky about the relationship. I think it’s understandable that your SD is uncomfortable with the relationship. Maybe it’s a bit extreme to not invite you to the wedding, but it’s her choice.

You should tell your partner to go, it’s his daughters wedding not ‘a’ wedding.

He should be putting his daughter first, for once.

I know it's upsetting OP but just respect her decision! You cannot stop your partner from going to his daughter's wedding.

Unfortunately you don't come first as his partner, not in this situation!

I think you know why your SD doesn't like you, but your not disclosing because you know your not going to get the answer you want from this. I suspect alot has gone on over the last 10 years!

The answer here is you let your DP go to his daughter's wedding and you spend the day doing whatever you wish! I'm not sure what you are upset about? It's clear you don't like her! If your DP doesn't go then that speaks volumes about him.

I have stepsons and if they choose in the future to not invite me to their weddings, I'd be really upset but I wouldn't force the issue and I would encourage my DH to attend his sons weddings.

Being part of a step family sometimes means being the bigger person! You will never win being controlling and wanting your DP to put you first!

So? You need to focus on your actions and your attitude, not anybody else’s. I don’t know who “she” is but both mother and daughter have a right to be angry with both of you.

But you didn't answer the question. Are you stopping him from going without you? Because that is horribly manipulative and not fair.

He'd obviously prefer to be able to take you,but if that's not happening then he should absolutely still be there for his daugher. On her wedding day he should putting her first, not you.

They’re not even married.

I didn't invite my biological father... he has been my bio father my whole life and is blood but I still can't stand the man.

I invited my mams partner, hes not perfect but hes been a damn site more positive influence to my life than bio dad.

You are never ENTITLED to an invite, being married to her dad means nothing.

There is often etiquette rules people should follow (which might mean inviting someone you don't know too well etc... out of respect for someone you love) but since you actively don't get on with either the bride and groom polite etiquette doesn't matter.

People don't have to invite people they have cut off or actively avoid a relationship with (especially if they fight/have a bad relationship) to weddings.

Any man that would put you above his CHILD is a deadbeat and not something to be proud of or brag about. It paints you both awfully and makes people see why you likely aren't invited.

Do not allow your dp to not attend his daughters wedding just because you are not invited. His daughter will never forgive him (or you) and you will destroy any hope of a future reconciliation.

You are the grown up in this situation, in her eyes her mum's friend stole her dad. It's utterly irrelevant of the timeliness involved.

First rule of friendship...you never go after a mate's ex.

Yes it's shit, it's 10 years ago but clearly she is still angry and hurt by what she perceives as the betrayal of her mum. And tbh judging by your posts here your attotude doesn't appear to have done much to subdue those flames.

Rise above it, suck it up, whatever works for you. But bow out gracefully and ensure your dp goes to his daughters wedding.

Thankfully, a lot of things that were 'customary' have been ditched and it's about time this one was as well. No one should feel obliged to invite someone they don't like and/or get along with. I like that women actually have a say when they get married these days 🤷‍♀️

And, honestly, I very much believe OP would start a raging fight at the wedding. At the very least she'd bring a vibe that no one needs on a day of celebration