Not invited to stepdaughter's wedding

[Chewitally]

I've been with her Dad for over ten years. Her mum's partner is invited.

We don't have a good relationship for reasons irrelevant to this but I never thought she would stoop so low as to not invite me to her wedding.

I think if my father and his partner had treated my mother the way you and your partner have hers, he wouldn't be seeing too much of my children either. Particularly if his partner was vindictive and petty with main character syndrome and no self awareness. What goes around comes around.

Probably because of you…..
I wouldn’t want my kids around you if I was her either

Don't be so dramatic!! We are talking about an adult here, not a child. If I had a child who was behaving like a little madam in this way and hadn't invited my partner I wouldn't be attending her wedding either. Children don't always come first.

I would do this. Neither you nor her mother count on this occasion. It's up to the bride and groom.

Our wedding was one of the rare occasions when my mother didn't interfere once.

Is that because you don't allow him to see the grandkids without you?

Yes, and even if she didn't say a word (unlikely!) her presence would sour the day for the bride, her mother and possibly her stepfather.

You sound absolutely vile.

Because most fathers would want to attend their daughter's wedding.

Everyone's focusing on the fact that the OP was a friend of the mother's.

My husband's ex had an affair. The AP died. Shortly thereafter the ex began to see a widower, my husband's pal.

The pal actually phoned my husband and asked if it was okay for him to move in with the ex. My husband's response was "What are you worried about? I've been married to Weary for 16 yrs!"

I guess that the passage of time makes a difference, but I'm dismayed that some people on the board are venting at the OP as if she's a marriage wrecker.

ETA Ironically, the people who complained when the pal moved in with the ex were actually the pal's daughters and grandchildren. They weren't at all happy.

I'm sorry. I don't like my father's wife, at all, but they've been together for 25 years, she is my half siblings mother and I wouldn't dream of inviting one without the other.

Finding it interesting that the OP doesn’t seem at all phased by the vitriol justly poured on them. If anything, they seem incredibly nonchalent and keep adding grist to the mill for all of us to get even more worked up by.

🤔

You could always be an adult about this and insist your partner goes and tell him to enjoy the day and you'll be fine after all its his Daughters wedding

Come on - your friend was having some issues in her marriage and discussed them with someone she thought was a friend. A friend who obviously fancied her husband.
Did you encourage her to leave him, then move in -only reason I can think that would make you and her DF so unreasonable, defensive and vile.

SDs wedding, her choice and you are not her choice - go SD

As someone who has been in a not dissimilar situation (my parents split up, my DM despised the OW and my DDad, and at our wedding 20 years later I did invite them all, but it was pretty awkward) I really do think that it would be good if the parents could work to a compromise on this. It made our wedding incredibly stressful, dealing with back biting and bitching by parents and step parents. You've said you don't get on with the bride OP, maybe just be the bigger person here and step back??! Irrespective of what caused what, the bride clearly feels her mum is the priority...

So you think your husband should put you ahead of his children?

you can’t be serious?

No wonder the daughter doesn’t like you.

Laying odds it's less "barely gets to see his grandkids" than "can't be arsed about them" or "thinks his girlfriend should come along too even though she despises their mother and grandmother".

Its a significant snub definitely. Most people invite the partners of the primary wedding guests. To not do so goes outside of normal etiquette and courtesy so I would see it as a sign of strong negative feelings towards you. I'm sorry this has hurt you.

Sad that your partner would miss his daughter’s wedding to be honest. I’d never forgive my dad if he did that. Children first, whether grown up or not. I can’t really blame her for not wanting you there, your not coming across all that pleasant.

Isn't the normal etiquette also not to shag your friends (ex)husband?

How can you tell whether or not the OP is unpleasant?? On the basis of this one thread?

Yeah, I also agree that Stepdaughter can invite whoever she wants to her wedding.

However, as an adult she should realise that not inviting OP purely out of spite, will mean her dad may not come. OP says Stepdaughter is horrible to her partner, therefore it's not surprising that he may not not want to go if Stepdaughter is not inviting his partner of 10 years, for no obvious reason.

My step mother told me, a 10 year old, I wasn't allowed to call my own father dad in their house. As it upset the children she already had, that called him by his actual name, because oh yes, they had their own dad. But I am a woman now, and I let it go. If anything, I just wouldn't invite either of them.

Well, well, well, if it isn’t the consequences of your own actions.

Your partner should go to his own daughter’s wedding. He should put her first on her wedding day, not you.

I read it less as unfazed than defensive (and as someone memorably said upthread, with the emotional intelligence of a squeegee) and entitled - but it could well be the forbidden t-word. We'll know if the thread disappears.