Ye Olde Worlde Mumsnette

[Sharrilanda]

Share some historical MN dilemmas and stories.
What kind of posts do you think we would be reading if MN was around in the good old days of yore?

I hear you sister, my husband went in a lad's jolly by boat 12 years ago, left me as a single parent, and his neighbours having been trying their luck, and constantly expecting dinner. I've tried to ignore them by weaving, and undoing it and starting again to put them off, but it needs to stop. And i reckon he's been having affairs on the way. The only one i trust is my dog.

AIBU to tell DH that 3 is too young for DC to witness burning if witches?

Any period features (like petroglyphs of cattle)?

My husband has decided that we need to re name ourselves, and get on a boat to unknown shores. I don't want to be called 'in-god's-name-i-am-prudent', I preferred Margaret, and we don't live near the coast. Also my son does not want to be called 'humility thy name is mine', we'd agreed on Edward. Should I LTB?

Name changed as this is highly outinge due to DH hobbye.

DH plays pig bladder every night after toil and is now wanting to go off on a swains jollye for the weekende.
He thinks he will be the next Lionel Messiah and says thyself should be grateful to be his WAG (Wench and Girlfriende)

Would thy be unreasonable to puncture his pig bladder?

My neighbour is doing a lot of baking from home, and I'm not sure he has the relevant H&S parchment, or that he knows what he's doing. I worry he could set fire to the whole neighbourhood, if not the city. I have his address, should i report him to the Lord Mayor?

I was just minding my own business walking in the middle of the road and my upstairs neighbour threw her bucket of waste out and it splashed on my bare feet.

WIBU to storm up and demand she aims properly when she chucks shit out the window next time??

Why yes indeed there are!
This particular one caught DH's eye as he says it reminds him of his dear old Daisy when he were but a lad.
We think it's an original and dates back to when the cave was first carved out

Oh yes, excellent choice!

Be verily glad he is not insisting on calling thy 'OfGideon' Mistress @murasaki

'Sniff' I am his legal wedded wife, so OfGideon would not apply. He wants to call himself ' hallelujah to the Lord and all his works' though, and I cannot stay married to that. Especially in a foreign land of which I know not. I shall LTB, and consult the freedom programme.

Praise be Mistress @murasaki
Thy shall pave the way for the Mumsnette sisterhood to follow thee in thy goodly journey.
Godspeed!

Should I call ye saw doctor or just apply ye leeches and wait to see if there be an improvement?

I am somewhat perturbed by DH's insistence that the neighbour has taken to crawling up the wall like a gigantic bat and should not be called upon. AIBU that DH should stop staring out of windows and idling by the fireside to ease his 'stertorous breathing' and instead should man up, get out there, and reunite the neighbour with the heavy box of dirt addressed to him but misdelivered to us and that has resided in our hallway since Lammas tide?

You are indeed a selfish wench! You only have seven children?! My brood numbers 11 and there is room for more in this spacious cave which boasts an en suite which is perfect for storing potatoes and cabbage as toilets and plumbing have yet to be invented. However if you are determined to stop bringing forth more childes and your dh dislykes pig gut contraceptives may I suggest the latest in birthe control?

Take a cupful of dead bluebottles and using plenty of donkey spittle, grind aforesaid to a thicke paste. Insert a generous dowloppe within thy ladypartes each sundown and it is guaranteed no sperminations shall occur.

Always happy to help 🧙

My neighbour keeps tying up her donkey in front of my house. I'm sick of it and it blocks my access? Diagram included to show what I mean !

Can anyone recommend a good corset maker?

I am mynded to proclaim 'This discourse doth be worthye of recorde in ye Mumsnette Almanac of Classices!' But alas I have a front step to scrub and 15 childer to wrangle.

Th'art a godless trollope to consider such modern, 'yoonique' names - haste thee to name thy children good Puritan names lest they, and thee, be damned eternally - may I suggest Humiliation, Fear-God, Fly-Fornication or Jesus-Came-Into-The-World-To-Save.

But as thy husband be thy lord and king here on earth, let the decision be his.

There was a French ship wrecked a few days ago and only one survived. They arrested him on the beach and put him to questions as a spy. Funny little fellow, only about 4 feet tall and as hairy as an ox, he was! He never said a word, or at least only "Ooh ooh! Aah aah!"

Then they hanged him, I couldn't help feeling a little sorry for him, he was brave to die instead of giving the game away, but I'm still afeared of Boney invading soon.

AIBU to call my DD "Hope-deferred-maketh-the-heart-sick" but to actually use the nickname "Most-Puritanical-wench-of-the-New-World-EVAH!"?
I thought the exclamation point would make it look interesting.

Thank thee kindly Mistress @Compash
Thy knewest thy brethren here on Mumsnette haffe sense!
If pleaseth thy, woulde thy caste thy godly judgemente on mine offering of
Nevaeh Forbid?* *
Thy haffe been informed thy is to be blessed withe a female fruit.

DH has a fearsome cut on his legge from wielding the scythe with too much ungodly vigour.

He says he needs to see an apothecary. I think a squirt of pig urine is sufficient.

His legge is turning black but I'm worried about wasting the apothecary's time.

Please recommend a modiste who is also a purveyor of the finest reticules. One that is large enough for a handkerchief and all the necessarys that a lady needs to carry. DH is aghast by the fact that I would spend my allowance of 40 guineas on a reticule by "one of those damned frenchies". We're off to Bath to take the waters and I have no wish to be ridiculed by the Ton.

Woman, be thee possessed?! I fear thou must be, for to reverse the glorious name of Heaven is a demon's trick, i'truth! As thy childe shall be a female, extra care must be taken to straiten her route in life - I suggest Had-Christ-Not-Died-For-Thee-Thou-Hadst-Been-Damned. Though many other girl-children in ye Sunday School may be of that common name...

And @LaMarschallin , do ye seek to attach an exclamation mark to thy girl-child's name like a gaudy ribbon to beguile men's lustful eyes? Think on, think on! A simple name like Pimple-Sin be more fitting to the maid, and may the good Lord preserve both thy souls (though I fear it may yet be too late).