Ye Olde Worlde Mumsnette

[Sharrilanda]

Share some historical MN dilemmas and stories.
What kind of posts do you think we would be reading if MN was around in the good old days of yore?

Do you know my William? He is reckoned most amusing in the stews of London, but me and my lytle Hamnet haven't seen hym for months.

Yrs in hope,

Mistress Anne Shakespeare.

@Sharrilanda You hast made me recall my stag weekend, it was no too many years ago. I felt that it was not good to only invite gentlemen to such an occasion and so I suggested to all the fair maidens at my place of employment that they could also attend. I was concerned for the virtue of these fair maidens, so I chose to limit my stag weekend to a single piss up in a local hostelry. If I recall correctly all present enjoyed a convivial time.

Moste definitely! And the WD40 was useful for the hinges on the door to our marital chamber.

Fortunately, I have discovered ye itching powder, which will be sprinkled liberally in the crotch of his armour.

This maye cause rusting to his partes.
Oh deare, what a pitye.

I knowe - however, I feeleth that it is a just punishment. I’m not going to be Lady Ironknickers whilst he runs around with doe-eyed houris, sipping sherbert and being fanned by nubile birdes. He has already exercised his droit de seigneur around the village to ye extent that the maidens are walking around bow-legged. They look like a collection of viols.

I saw your William just this past month Mistress Anne - giving his celebrated slapstick Fishwife in the Fol de Rols at ye Hackneye Empire. How we all howled! 'tis a fine life here indeed. Only last week, I had the pleasure of taking a glass with Sir Francis Bacon, who is presently working on a sorry tale of two young star crossed lovers in far Italia. Not so much fun as your Will in his fish net pantaloons though I imagine!

magine!

@DisabledDemon thou shoulde shrink his cod piece in the laundry.

Indeed. Before he goeth forth, his cod will be very much shrunken! He will not be impressing anyone.

In fact, it will not be a cod so much as a small prawn.

Tis Ye Toppe of the Poppes. Tis a veritable ear worme. The good folk of the towne will be singyng and cavorting in the taverns this night, methinks.

Yep, that be the good old Will Shakespeare that I know! And a most popular fellow in the taverns he be too - what with his fish net pantaloons an' all.

I still struggleth with the idea that mye Will is a common jester and not the playwryte that he hath made out. I had'st noticed Lady Bacon give me ye side eye and Master Marlowe's friends laugheth muchly when we were last in London, but had ne'er imagined fishnet pantaloons would'st figure, for shame.

Can I contest DH's will? He only left me the second best bed. Surely I deserve more?

Think'st not so badly of yon Will, Mistress Anne - he is surely amongst the kindliest and most generous-hearted of fellows. Oft-times I have heard he is to be found amongst the wharves and creeks of London town late into the night, bringing diverse comforts to lonely seafaring gentlemen far from home. Indeed, so keenly does he apply himself to this task that he is but rarely able to change from his working clothes aforetimes!

You should have told her not to go round offering to draw water for random strangers and their camels. Still, you've got her off your hands now, I suppose. Hope this Isaac bloke really exists, for her sake.

Oh dear Ladyparts and Gentleknobs, Thank the good Lorde thou hast found thee yonder thine screen of glasse. Though I fearest thee is layte to thine partay?
Thou hast a dilemma most pressing. The gentleknob of the house came down to breakfaste this verily morn with quite the springen in his stepe! I did not enquire after his jollity and forlornly awaited to knowe, which I am told is goode and proper wifely conduct. I didn’t have to wait long for his outpouring of his dream in slumber where he envisioned thee and he at the local tavern making merriment the like of whych hast never been seen before! Himself performing dressed in tighte trousers of dulle yellow colour and a matching shirte with lapels verily long, apparently his shoes had quite the heel and gifted him stature not known to him before. Oh Lordy and worsen is to come as he raised himself from his breakfaste chaire and crooned a song telling all of his Tiger Feet!! He postured that he was orf to the tavern poste haste to book a slot this eventide where he wilst croon to his hearts content and I shall performest as Kayte of Bushe!! AIBU to feel shame and trepidation at such a spectacle?

A thread about the Boleyn sisters, no doubt.

Prithee, this be an image of us?

Well, thank ye most kindly good Mistress Sharrilanda - I was worried that I might not be able to carry it off.

.

Oooh Mistress Sharrilanda you have found the Team Etching of us all! Dost anyone remember that night when we sat in the Tavern with much Laughing, Having Opinions and Talking whilst imbibing lots of the new sparkling drink they call Prosecco, and then making our way in a most wobbly fashion to our homes. Such amusing times.

Aaah yes! Pray, tis all coming backe to me now.
I doth seem to recall you both hieing up thy frocks and climbing uppe onto the bar singing along to the Greatest Hitte of 1532 'A Newe Northen Dittye of ye Ladye Greene Sleves' but the lyrics were changed somewhat to 'Up Yer Derriere' whilst supping a rather large tankard of Ye olde fineste Prosecco.

What larks deareste ladies!

I remembereth that night well. I hideth the gamekeeper under my skirts. What fun!

I've told that Archbishop that people are starting to talk....