Christmas has become very expensive.

[Flutterbycustard]

Just sat here planning Christmas and how much we will spend on kids (older teens) and family.
Have had a few requests and been to look the products up. When did hoodies, polo shirts and aftershave get so expensive?!

Usually we budget about £500 each on our children, and we’ve always considered them very, very fortunate. We know lots of people have a lot less to spend. But looking at the prices this year, £500 isn’t going to go far on adult kids.

Aftershave alone is nearly £100. The desired hoodie is over £100. They want some cash as well. There definitely won’t be much of a pile. And I know we are the lucky ones. A pack of boxers is over £30 and socks nearly £20 (the ones they like anyway).

I’m feeling like £500 looks really inadequate, yet I know that £500 is a hell of a lot of money and to even consider spending more is ridiculous. Plus, we don’t have more to budget for Christmas anyway.

I know there comes a point when the pile of gifts shrinks and Christmas is less about the presents, but I can’t believe £500pp isn’t going to completely spoil them anymore.

Nieces and Nephews will get cash, but again, £20 - £30 pp is just looking so mean. But we have too many to increase spends as DH has five siblings, each with 2 or 3 children. I also have siblings, but only a couple of nieces on my side.

Is this cost of living kicking in; or has it just always been this way as kids get older. I’m actually dreading how much it’s all looking to cost this year and wishing we’d cut back more gradually starting a few years ago.

If you can afford it I don't think you can ever give your kids enough.

Thanks all. This is the first year that I’ve seen such expensive items on their list. Last year, it was a lot of gym wear and Gymshark was cheap ish. We got loads. Then there was a lot of books etc for uni and DS always loved the fleece lined joggers from Primark which were £6 a pair.

To answer a question, my kids don’t have jobs as they are in uni. They will try to get seasonal jobs though. My kids are also not quite the oldest in the family, my sisters daughter is a little older at 23, but they are next in early twenties and late teens.

I did a few years ago suggest with my sister that gifts should stop as our kids were adults. They agreed. Then they bought for mine anyway and I was horrified. I had to borrow some cash from my son on Christmas Day to give to my niece as I was so embarrassed.

The brand of the hoodies to answer a question are:

• on the one list a navy Polo hoodie
• and the other, a cream Barbour sweater, which I do actually think is lovely.

I think I feel under pressure to spend a lot and provide a lot, as that is what my parents did for me. Even now my parents make me a stocking, buy a big gift e.g an air fryer, a bunch of smaller gifts and give cash. I’ve told them to stop, but my mum loves it. So I feel under pressure to ensure I do the same for my kids.

I don’t mind a couple of expensive gifts and then giving cash. I am fortunate that I can do that. But someone hit the nail on the head when they said the prices are not recognisable. I’m sure that aftershave a few years ago was half the price. It feels as if my budget isn’t going to go far and they will literally get cash and a few gifts.

They are still undeniably lucky and they will not complain at all, they’ll be very happy I’m sure. It’s ME who feels the inadequacy and it’s probably ME who needs to get over that.

I've always thought the overt spending at Christmas and birthdays is really tacky. And a way to bring up entitled kids, which I guess is the way of things now.

I've told my children they will get £50 cash each and they're very happy with that.

Agree with this: "Christmas being magical isn't about the £££ spent."

I think the magic of Christmas ended with the massive commercialisation of it.

It's not 'the cost of living kicking in,' post alludes to being fortunate, etc whilst alluding to others who have less. It doesn't matter, decide what you can happily afford.They are adults, presumably they work, choose one gift and forget about 'piles' of stuff etc and have a lovely Christmas 🎄

It’s the designer names that’s attracting them.

I don’t think the OP has said anywhere that they’re struggling for money. Lots of people will happily spend that on their kids at Christmas, her point was that the money doesn’t go as far as it used to.

You're setting your kids up to feel like Christmas fails too when they age.

Shrink it down this year at home. No one needs huge piles of gifts as an adult.

Each to their own, but £50 cash isn’t really very thoughtful is it?
I don’t think Christmas presents are about the value but the thought and care that’s gone in to picking something you think the person will love. Obviously some people just want cash and that’s fine but if there’s “magic” in gift giving, to me it’s the anticipation and seeing someone open something that you’ve carefully chosen, regardless of budget.

Then they bought for mine anyway and I was horrified. I had to borrow some cash from my son on Christmas Day to give to my niece as I was so embarrassed.

This is your problem though! You should have just looked confused and said "but we agreed not to buy for the kids? I haven't got anything for yours" and left it.
Either they would have kept buying for yours because gifting is their "love language" 🙄 and it genuinely brings them pleasure to do so, or (more likely) they would have learnt you meant what you said and not bothered next year. 2 minutes of potential awkwardness vs saving thousands of pounds over the next 40 years!

I did this a few years ago with my sisters, it was getting genuinely pointless just swapping thirty quid in envelopes between us. They came in with the "I know we said....but I bought you something anyway" I said "oh thanks but I didn't as we did agree" - next year they didn't bother, now if we see something small an adult might like we get it but there's no obligation, it's much nicer and means I can spend the saved money on the kids or getting myself something I actually want.

I'd imagine a teenager would prefer cash than something that has been chosen with "thought and care in picking something you think the person will love".

IME these sort of presents are more for the giver than the person receiving (who tends not to love it as much as the giver expected them to).

I don’t think it’s a new thing at all. It was incredibly common for kids to circle what they wanted from the Argos catalogue in the run up to Christmas in the early 90s!

OP hasn’t once suggested her children would be brats if they didn’t get what they wanted. She has asked what they want and wants to buy it. It’s just weird for people to comment telling OP to get something else instead.

Totally agree.
We cut back one Christmas ( not drastically) but everyone said it was one of the best Christmases

If you can NOT manage to buy your own child one thing that they would love then that strikes me as the pretty much the definition of a thoughtless parent.

But OP can manage to buy them something they would love because they've told her what those things are! She can afford those things so what on earth is the point of suggesting instead of buying them she should instead get something else at a cheaper price they might at best quite like but not as much as the original item, and at worst hate and never use - just to make a point about how well she knows them?

What you're saying is "if you can't find something your kids would absolutely love for £20 or less you're a shit parent who doesnt know anything about your own kids" and that is completely unfair.

I can't think of anything I would buy MYSELF for £20 that I would LOVE - yes lots of things I would LIKE "oh great thanks yes I like malteasers and candles are always lovely" but I wouldn't LOVE them and if given the choice would prefer the cash to put towards something special I would LOVE. Does that mean I don't know or like myself?

Also sorry but 99% of "I'm such a great present buyer, I always manage to get the perfect gift the recipient absolutely loves" are really not as good as they think they are - your friends and relatives are just being polite.

I don’t really agree with that and the number of threads on here by people who are hurt that their DH hasn’t bothered with their birthday/Christmas present would tend to back that up. If you’re going to put £50 in an envelope you may as well not bother at all?

Well yes, I'd rather the person didn't bother at all then give me a "lovely thoughtful gift that they'd specially picked out" that I couldn't care that much about.

There are also an awful lot of threads from people whose DH's have bought them gifts that, in themselves are often lovely things, but that they just don't want and they consider to be a waste of money/indicative that their DH doesn't know them that well.

I personally think that giving a person what they've asked for (and in OP's case that's maybe 1 or 2 of the very expensive things rather than lots) is generally a good plan.

I mean, this is hypothetical so you’re assuming that you wouldn’t care about the thoughtful gift for some reason? Have you really never had a gift that’s made you smile, or that you wouldn’t have thought of buying for yourself but was really perfect for you?

If you read my posts you’ll see that I specifically said in OP’s shoes I’d buy them the actual items they’d asked for, and not some cheap knock off version as suggested by other posters, especially as they have not suggested affordability is an issue. My post in response to you is that £50 cash for one’s own children seems utterly thoughtless, and someone else has suggested it’s pretty bad not to be able to pick one thing for your own kids that they’d actually like and be genuinely pleased with.

Maybe I’m spectacularly lucky, but I receive presents from my family and even in-laws that I love every year and that show they really know me. I didn’t think that was particularly unusual for a family.

I'm hard to buy for (and I realise it).

In response to your question - yes I've had a couple of gifts that I wouldn't have thought of myself that I've loved. But it literally is a couple ever. Coincidentally I had a clear out at the weekend and have listed on ebay about 30 things that I was bought as "thoughtful" gifts that just went straight into our cavernous storage cupboard and have sat there for years. Who does this help?

I think teens are very hard to buy for. Partly because if you get it "slightly" wrong it is actually totally wrong. I would never buy anything expensive (small stocking gifts, fine) for mine unless they'd agreed it in advance or there was a robust returns policy.

I would much rather not swap presents with adults apart from my DH. We have managed to do this in the family and just the children up to 21 get gifts. We buy for our own adult DDs and they buy us a small gift.If we go to family for Christmas dinner or another day over that period we will bring a significant contribution to the food and drinks. I’m sure that’s much more appreciated

Adult DC certainly do know how much things are, and wouldn't expect a pile of gifts( if they're decent DC!!)
£500 each is a huge budget anyway
You need to decide how much you can afford to spend this year. Times change and things are very expensive now
I have 3 adult sons to buy for
I decided I could afford £100 each
They have two gifts each.. £30 T shirt
£70 shirt etc
For family I would be honest and say you can't afford what you have spent before. End of.

I can suggest sites where I get decent discounts
Working class heroes
Urban industry
Seven store
Natterjacks
All beauty
Escentual
Notino
I don't think I've paid full price for anything this year, even if it's only £5 it all helps
Make a list and google exactly what you want

Sorry I misread as you couldn't afford £500 As you can crack on!

To me the magic of Christmas is a whole season that people spend actively thinking of others, working hard to try and make it special for other people. Often, if you have young kids, in the knowledge that you'll never get any credit for it.

Yes it's shite that it's been totally hijacked by capitalism but the magic is still there underneath it all. I just think you're more likely to find it in the teen who goes with his nana to church when he'd rather not or the people who have their in laws over so the kids can see their grandparents on Christmas Day and all the other little selfless acts than in a giant pile of presents.

I personally find giving cash to my own children, especially if they are teen living at home, awful. It's different if they need it but I would say a wish list is always nicer. There is something about opening presents, even if you know what it is.

And it's about getting a present which is maybe nicer and also maybe more expensive than I would buy myself.

DD is a big Swifty, there is a new piece of merchandise coming out, she asked for it as a present, It's one something I would buy but it's in a price range I am ok with for a Christmas present. It's not about what I would want but it's all about what I know she will love and use/wear all the time.

I think until a child has a proper paying job, it's my job as a parent to give presents.

@reluctantbrit I personally find giving cash to my own children, especially if they are teen living at home, awful. It's different if they need it but I would say a wish list is always nicer. There is something about opening presents, even if you know what it is.

This is you pushing your own view though.
I certainly don’t find unwrapping something that special when I’ve given a list.
As a teen I always wanted a portion of the Christmas budget to be cash so I could do what I wanted with it as the months unfolded particularly if it was something parents didn’t agree with like spending too much on one thing or day for example.