How do I deal with this at school now Halloween and Christmas is coming up?

[Howtodealwiththisatschool]

In short, my dd has become disabled, so I no longer work, she needs round the clock care.

I budget well so we have everything we need and a small amount for a few extras.

Last year we got some new PTA people, every Halloween and Christmas disco and event they stood directly outside of the door stopping each parent on the way in and asking for donations.

Now this time of year is already full of 'pay a pound and wear an Xmas jumper' or 'enter this colouring contest for 50p' or 'buy these decorations for £2' - I budget for all of these so my dc don't miss out, but I can't afford multiple (dc in different year groups so at least 2 of each event) donations and raffles and its bloody embarrassing to stand and explain I'm skint.

I did email the school and explained that them standing outside and directly asking for money from everyone puts parents in a hell of a position, and they just said the school needs funds but they can refer me to a charity for a Christmas present for my dc (which I don't need) and so the standing outside nativity plays, discos, parent days etc continued.

I'm a single parent so I go to everything, usually 2 of each nativity, there will be at least 4 discos, 2 more parent days, Christmas fayre, and a few other things, amd I don't want to have to explain to pushy strangers that I'm poor.

What can I do?

I would just say no thank you. When they ask for donations
We're fortunate enough that we don't worry about this. But I have been in the past.

I don't think they should be approaching parents directly and putting you in the position of having to explain yourself. Is there a PTA person you could talk to about it?

Sorry I've no change. Tons of people never have change to put into these things.

Alternatively if it's a bucket they are expecting you to put money into then save your coppers or 5ps and drop a couple into the bucket.

But I totally agree it's unfair to put people into that position.

Our school asks for donations to be sent in with child and they put it in a box in the office or hand to the teacher who puts it all in.

It's really not fair (especially with current CoL crisis) to make parents feel like this. The school may need funds. But the government needs to sort that out it's not your responsibility

Are the events free or are they asking for a donation on top of a ticket you have already bought? If you have already paid for the disco then I don't think you're being unreasonable refusing the donation bucket on the way in. If the events are free but they're hoping for donations then that's awkward (and to be honest they'd be better off charging a ticket fee). Is there a way you can make a single donation instead to cover you for it all.

Just tell them sorry, you don’t have any change.

I told them I didn't have change the first few times then it got to the point they loudly pointed out I should be bringing change since I had been there so much one even said "I suppose you've forgotten your donation again". Its so embarrassing. We have to pay £2 for the damed nativity play as well so it's not free and I go x4 so almost a tenner already.

They used to stand to the side in reception and you could choose whether to donate, this is just so aggressive.

I don't know the PTA lot now, I used to help out until the day they all arranged a coffee meet up and I was working and they put up a pretty nasty FB message on the school page about 'people' not doing what's best for their kids by not attending these things, and them all managing to attend despite working (they arranged it around their work schedules) all the parents kicked off about it and so a new PTA leader was appointed who is even worse than the last.

I don't really want to explain my finances to these people, and I can't be the only one in this position.

I’m really pleased that you raised it with the school- so often people struggle to afford things like this but don’t say anything. I think you’re really brave. Sorry school haven’t listened.

I’d put a couple of coins - 20p in total or something- into the bucket the first time. And then I’d say “oh I already donated on Friday” for each subsequent xmas event.

I would go with a fake FB account and write that a lot of parents can't afford it and they should stop pestering around.

Nothing at the school is free, if it was I would happily chuck in a quid per event, the discos are £3 and the nativities are £2, the fayre have a fee for going in as well and they have specific dress up days that are £1 each as well. It costs a fortune.

If the school have brushed you off I would write to the chair of governors. Put the comments in as well. That's shocking.

If you have paid for your kid to take part just ignore the fundraising or drop your 1/2/5 p coins on the way in.

I’m part of the school PTFA and at least half of parents don’t pay for non uniform or other bits and bobs, if you haven’t got it you haven’t got it! Nobody will make a big deal or even notice if your child has come in own clothes but not paid. Schools should ensure all children can be included in everything. Honestly don’t feel bad at all, last non uniform day we raised £180 we have just under 400 on role so less than half paid but 99% of children still took part, it was £1.

I don't think this is on. Well done for raising it disappointing to hear it was not acted on.
I avoid these School collections around Christmas, I do at times explain that I select charities donate to a local one & UNICEF outside these do not contribute. This applies to teacher gift collections too
Especially frustrating when PA funds are used for treats for children at events

As @NC10125 says above, try to save some low denomination coins and drop those in on the first visit (ideally a few 5ps so it really clatters!).

I'd also just ignore the arsey PTA people too. Now I'm peri-menopausal, I really couldn't give a fuck what others think. I pay what I pay and I attend what I attend. I'm pretty good with a breezy smile and a glide right past; no explanations.

I can't even understand the nativity not being free. That is part of their education isn't it? Usually it happens in school time. I would pick them up on that (ex school governor) there can never be a charge for accessing the curriculum

If it is a 'voluntary contribution' then it must be 100% voluntary with no penalty for not paying

As a PTA committee member we absolutely appreciate that not everyone will be in a position to donate and or donate as much as others.

Please put your concerns in writing again to the PTA chair; this is not an unreasonable request and they need to change their thinking.

Wow this is totally out of order and the comments are just awful!

I would raise again with the school, and escalate to the governors. It should be optional and they most certainly shouldn’t be blocking the entrance to demand money or making rude comments. I bet you’re not the only person who feels this way OP!

Is the PTA a charity?
If so, you might want to point them in the direction of the Fundraising Regulator's code of practice. I think therr are a few points in section 8.1.1 they might want to consider.
And even if they're not a charity, surely morally they should be abiding by this type of rule?
https://www.fundraisingregulator.org.uk/code/specific-fundraising-methods/collecting-money-or-other-property

I second this. It's terrible to put pressure on like that. I'm a retired teacher and we never shamed people into donating money they couldn't afford.

Our school has a VERY active PTA who do a great job of fundraising- and what they’ve done (which I appreciate) is pushed a lot of it to optional evening or out of school events, like family discos, parent raffles that are all done via email/ online etc.

Sponsored events like fun runs are all done to one big GoFundMe, so not split out “by child”- so the kids still get to take part, people can donate, but nobody knows who’s donated what. We rarely have non uniform days and the collection is SUPER low key.

overall, it means that parents who have bandwidth and can afford to support, can, whilst for those who can’t, there’s very little pressure on them, or peer pressure on the kids.

Are xyour kids on free school meals/pupil premium @Howtodealwiththisatschool ?

When I was chair of our PTA we always made sure these families got free tickets to events to ensure money was never a barrier to joining in. It's part of the PTA's job to foster a sense of community and inclusivity. And all donations by of goods were always completely voluntary.

I know that schools are massively struggling but this is just not on. I'd speak to the school again, it's not your job to defend yourself against the PTA.

This is so wrong! And I'm really surprised at the school for allowing it.

I'd say I've got no change. Then if they loudly said 'oh you've forgotten your change again have you' I'd say even louder 'I've heard about sticky fingers in these collection buckets so I'll be donating directly at the office if I choose to make a donation' that ought to shut them up!

I'd also be inclined to write to the chair of governors and copy the headteacher in (plus make it clear you've told the headteacher and they weren't willing to address the concerns)

I'm appalled OP! I'd take it further, ask for a meeting with the head, or go straight to governors as a PP suggested.
So rude and uncaring. Do you know any other parents similarly affected, if they'd add their voices it might help?