How do I deal with this at school now Halloween and Christmas is coming up?

[Howtodealwiththisatschool]

In short, my dd has become disabled, so I no longer work, she needs round the clock care.

I budget well so we have everything we need and a small amount for a few extras.

Last year we got some new PTA people, every Halloween and Christmas disco and event they stood directly outside of the door stopping each parent on the way in and asking for donations.

Now this time of year is already full of 'pay a pound and wear an Xmas jumper' or 'enter this colouring contest for 50p' or 'buy these decorations for £2' - I budget for all of these so my dc don't miss out, but I can't afford multiple (dc in different year groups so at least 2 of each event) donations and raffles and its bloody embarrassing to stand and explain I'm skint.

I did email the school and explained that them standing outside and directly asking for money from everyone puts parents in a hell of a position, and they just said the school needs funds but they can refer me to a charity for a Christmas present for my dc (which I don't need) and so the standing outside nativity plays, discos, parent days etc continued.

I'm a single parent so I go to everything, usually 2 of each nativity, there will be at least 4 discos, 2 more parent days, Christmas fayre, and a few other things, amd I don't want to have to explain to pushy strangers that I'm poor.

What can I do?

Thanks all.

I'm in Scotland so no governers at my school.

The person who is between the PTA and the parents is a Home School Link worker, and she's pretty friendly with them all, some of the funds from last year were for a staffroom makeover, as voted for by them, so the school isn't keen to piss them off.

I usually have my older dd with me, who has a very clear disability, and is also autistic which is another reason I don't want to say much to them, as she would think we are worse off than we are.

There's a small ramp to get into school, the size of an average pavement, and they position themselves on that so there's no choice but to be faced with them.

I'm also peri, I haven't got the "fuck it" attitude as yet, just the facial hair and hot flushes 🤣

I'm going to email the school again and explain how embarrassing and upsetting it is to be asked directly for money at these events before any start so hopefully something will be done.

The HSL person has just spent the last year offering to put me forward for food banks and charities since I complained, which is also embarrassing, I'm not struggling for things I need, just for all these bloody donations multiple times over the festive period.

Our school also did thing about reducing the cost of the school day and apparently the school is brilliant at it, I'm struggling to see how. I think it's because of of these things are advertised as voluntary contributions, but they ask for the money on front of the other kids, so it's not really. They have donations for jackets and uniform and christmas jumpers, but, from what I've heard, they make a point of going into the classrooms and handing donations out. None of it is discreet.

The charging for nativity plays only started a couple of years ago, they used to be free, then the school said parents with tickets weren't showing up so they would charge from now on to save parents from missing out. The tickets used to be limited to 2 per child, but now people can buy as many as they want.

We do have pupil premium now, and we also have contributions for tickets, but I don't want to take away from someone who couldn't afford them, when I can, it's just this donation/raffle selling right at the door that's pissing me off.

I'll email today and hopefully hear something back next week before the bloody discos start.

Thanks again everyone, I'll read the thread gain and maybe find my inner rage and just flip them off next time 🤣

If they stood there with a bucket I wouldn't mind at all, they stand there and directly ask and point out if you haven't donated.

I complained to DS' primary about this, because every month it was "no school uniform day" for something, but the same kids turned up in uniform every time, either because they didn't have the spare change, spare cash or awareness of the non-uniform today. I felt it was really unfair on those children who kept being impacted by this.

I'd raise it with the headteacher, so they're aware of how this is being seen from your perspective.

Thats not on at all. I was PTA Chair and I would be really annoyed if any of our committee members did that.
We were always very aware that people might not be able to afford things so we kept everything as low cost as possible or even free

This wouldn't work in our school. The PTA now have a card reader on the school gates for non uniform days 🫣

That’s a shocking response from the headteacher. We take great care to balance payments across year / year groups and to make it so people don’t have to contribute. We might do different things as a result but it’s important

I’d consider writing to the governors about the pta responsibility and the heads response. You won’t be the only one feeling like this

Arrange a meeting with the head

Complain to the governors /local council/ MP this is not inclusive if they are putting pressure on those who can’t afford to pay it should not be allowed and the head teacher should stop the PTA harassing parents !

just Tell them you no longer carry cash around with you. They are so out of order. Report them to the Head and also to your local education authority (tell the Head this, she/he will soon be having words with them! )Talk about charity muggers!

You could just yell 'I'm a povvo back off' which is what I would do

Better than my child’s school were we are forced to at £75 for Christmas press hrs for teachers. You are hounded relentlessly on group what’s app until you pay. So unnecessary and inappropriate.

Did you really mean to put £75 or did you mean £7.50 and £75 was just a slip of the finger? Please tell me £75 was a mis-type.

Say no, you don’t have to contribute.

I would bring this up with the governors responsible for diversity and inclusion.

They need to be far less pushy and offensive. I'd talk to the school who are letting them have these events. Christmas Jumper money should be collected by the Class Teacher and should be donations only. No one should be left out. Nativity should be by ticket with those who are FSM or on low incomes being provided with free tickets. And yes, I've worked in schools where this has been a thing and worked fine.

I completely understand that you don't want to share your finances with them but it might be a solid way to shut them up. 'I don't have a spare £2, I am that poor' might just shame them in to realising how rude and inappropriate their actions are.
I'm really sorry you've been made to feel that way. Their lives must be incredibly empty if the small amount of power that is the PTA has gone to their heads like this.

Can’t you just tell them that the PTA isn’t the centre of everyone’s universe and you have more pressing things on your mind than remembering change for their little collection? I just don’t understand why people allow themselves to be intimidated by these rather sad types with nothing better to do. Would you want to be them? Hell no!

No. It’s £75. Extraordinary.

Hi, sadly our local council's give funding to school's that actually don't need it as much as poor district's do , setting them up to fail and leaving schools then to beg parents to help with contributions for an exchange of Christmas cracker gifts, it's disgusting how you reached out to have them dismiss your situation, don't concentrate on the negatives, suggest they give each class the opportunity to purchase a ticket for the raffle or gift buying at brake times parent's wont feel pressured and it also gives the responsibility to children they can use their tuck money to buy gifts, suggest the class that sells the most should receive a certificate as a reward it won't cost the school apart from some paper, they get help with funds , children get to learn about money and life and parents don't feel embarrassed or judged by other parents. The next time your school suggest a charity you should suggest to that charity your school needs help with funding 🙏

Can you get a supply of 10p coins and throw a couple of those in instead? It's still a donation and charities and Tesco do always say that every little helps.

Schools don’t need as much money as they make out they do. State schools are government funded and get a pupil premium for children who are or have been in foster care etc. they don’t have to spend that money on the child they receive it for but it is meant to be used for “disadvantaged” children from poorer families to achieve the best out of their education. One of my friends child gets it as he was in foster care before she adopted him. When she questioned what it had been spent on she got a snarky comment from the head teacher that new tablets were needed for the year 6 kids so a large chunk of it was spent on that. Children who qualify for the pupil premium also take precedence on the waiting list over children who don’t as the schools want more money and the pupil premium gets them that

Threads like this really wind me up. Life is hard enough for parents as it is without these unnecessary twits making it harder. OP you shouldn't have to explain your financial situation. If the attendance is charged (e.g £2.50 a ticket) THAT is your contribution. Any raffles, bucket rattling etc... is additional. Whilst I sympathise with schools and their budget freezes parents aren't exactly living the high life either. My honest advice pay your ticket price. When you go and the rattling starts don't tell them you don't have change tell them directly I don't wish to donate further thank you. If there is a comment, don't explain YOUR situation, explain THE situation. Something like, whilst all of us parents are grateful to the school and PTA, not everyone can afford to donate additional funds. I won't be donating today (tomorrow or ever!). Have a good day/evening and keep walking. Head held high. They'll slate you but they'll do that whatever you do why skint yourself for the privilege of something they'll do anyway?
As to Christmas presents for teachers and peer pressure one message - I won't be donating to a group present but thank you for asking if I'd like to be included. Letting you know early so that you can adjust your budget in time. You might be surprised how many others follow suit!

Schools are SUCH CF's. Used to drive me bananas.

I used to work in a school, a while ago now admittedly, but there was a rule of NOT being allowed to charge for activities during a school day, has that changed? They could ask for ‘voluntary contributions’ but it’s not an obligatory payment. You should raise the matter with the governors and ask for clarification.

A single mum I know paid out £14 this week for both of her children to go to a disco (£5 each) and participate in a charity slipper wearing day (£2 each). In one week!

I think it’s disgusting to expect parents to cough up this sort of money constantly. 😡