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Original poster

Daughters wedding

280 replies

ElatedSnail · 21/10/2024 00:02

My d and her OH have just announced their engagement. Wedding venues are being discussed. Me and my OH are traditional and ideally would prefer the ceremony to be held in a church. However she is looking at venues around hr and half away from home in big manor houses. We are a very small family and although we have met my daughters OH immediate family and friends i wouldnt say that we are friends. I feel asmif it is a forced situation and i dont feel that comfortable They are wanting us and other day guests to stay and pay for accommodation the night b4 the wedding and including the wedding night. They want the majority of day guests to stay the night and have food together. About 30 ish or so. Morning after wedding they want us all to have brekkie together. This seems strange to me. At this time of myself amd my husband wedding we were off on our honeymoon. Couldn't think of anything worse on the morning after to be having to spend all breakfast time with inlaws etc.There is also the cost of the stay around 150 to 200.00 per night plus extras for the food and drink that they are suggesting is bought in. Am I being a miserable cow. My daughter doesn't seem to want to listen to any of my suggestions

OP posts:
Wexone · 28/10/2024 08:47

ForUmberFinch · 27/10/2024 22:29

Oh deary me… usual MN comments and harshness. It isn’t your day, I’m sure your DD and her OH will have ideas on what they want. BUT personally I agree with you, I think the whole all together in a big house is awful and my idea of a nightmare! There is such a venue near us, tens of thousands for a 3 day hire and when we enquired (before we knew the price) the venue actually suggested a £300 charge per guest per night to cover the cost of the wedding. That didn’t sit well with me. Have you spoken to your daughter about this? I explained to my mum what DH and I wanted and were planning so she felt included.

but it's not you getting married ? it's not you paying for it? why on earth would the fact that it doesn't sit well with you mean you have to speak to the bride and groom ? as posters have siad it's quite common for this type of wedding. people know what to expect etc with costs when invite comes they can decline but as posters have said lots still come and guess what they enjoy the day

ForUmberFinch · 28/10/2024 13:48

Wexone · 28/10/2024 08:47

but it's not you getting married ? it's not you paying for it? why on earth would the fact that it doesn't sit well with you mean you have to speak to the bride and groom ? as posters have siad it's quite common for this type of wedding. people know what to expect etc with costs when invite comes they can decline but as posters have said lots still come and guess what they enjoy the day

Show quote history

You clearly haven’t understood my comment. To which I gave context. I’m pretty certain my wedding wasn’t what my mum had expected. But I spoke to her at every stage, shared with her what we were doing etc to make her feel more included. THAT was the point of my communication comment. It came across to me that the OP was potentially feeling left out of the process.

personally I think it’s horrendous expecting guests to pay so much to attend your wedding. I don’t care if it’s the fine thing, it’s not what we did and I wouldn’t attend a wedding if expected to pay like that. It’s no wonder divorce rates are high. Most weddings are just for show. I think a lot of the posts on MN proves that 😂

Umidontknow · 29/10/2024 06:02

ForUmberFinch · 28/10/2024 13:48

You clearly haven’t understood my comment. To which I gave context. I’m pretty certain my wedding wasn’t what my mum had expected. But I spoke to her at every stage, shared with her what we were doing etc to make her feel more included. THAT was the point of my communication comment. It came across to me that the OP was potentially feeling left out of the process.

personally I think it’s horrendous expecting guests to pay so much to attend your wedding. I don’t care if it’s the fine thing, it’s not what we did and I wouldn’t attend a wedding if expected to pay like that. It’s no wonder divorce rates are high. Most weddings are just for show. I think a lot of the posts on MN proves that 😂

Show quote history

She isn't being "left out" of the process- it isn't actually anything to do with her. It is their weddingand it is up to them how they want it to go. The more she tries to shoe horn her traditional ideas into their wedding the less they will want her involved at all. I wouldn't dream of telling my daughter what to do on her wedding day - even if it wasn't to my taste.

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Weddings
burnoutbabe · 29/10/2024 08:06

Sleepybeanbump · 27/10/2024 11:43

Also you say that you’re not really friends with the other family, and wouldn’t feel comfortable around them for this amount of time.

Maybe that’s WHY she wants to do this? Do you DO become closer and also so that she doesn’t have to worry about said discomfort on the day itself? And to forge more of a relationship going forward? She presumably realises it’s not going to happen otherwise (and tbh I can see why if you’re not even happy to do this to get to know them).

That was certainly the thinking behind my desire to have my parents and my in laws (who live abroad) and us have dinner the night before. Sadly my mother reacted the same way you have.

So true, nothing bonds 2 families more than sharing a private residence, and battling over shared cooking facilities (and who knows, shared bathrooms and who had the best bedroom)

ABirdsEyeView · 29/10/2024 08:25

A bride and grooms wedding kinda does become everyone else's business if they've booked a venue in the expectation their guests will pay for it!
A good mum will point out to her son or daughter, the potential pitfalls in the 3k venue where rooms are likely to cost guests hundreds of pounds each.

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