I have a huge decision to make. Can anyone help me make the right one?

[DaisyDaisyDaisyDaisyDaisyDaisy]

I am currently living abroad trying to build up some savings to buy a home in the UK when my job finishes here in 9 months. The problem is that I'm miserable. I have stuck it out for a year so far but I am really struggling now. The work is hard and I'm lonely. I miss my family in the UK. But if I leave I won't have built up the nest egg I need and in a way I'll be back to square one when I get home. My savings will soon be swallowed up as everything is so expensive at home and it's cheap here. If I stay to the end I'll have another 30k saved which would put me in a much better position. But 9 months feels like an absolute eternity. I feel stuck between a rock and a hard place.

I know it's so hard but please try to stay. You might dislike it now, but you will never regret it when you come through the other side x

If I had to spend 9months in the middle east and needed something to keep me sane I would start a diary on all the birds/flowers and wildlife that I could see around me. I would have to research things like bird song as I have no idea what the biodiversity is like there.
I would also buy myself some of those gorgeous little bookshelf "house" kits made from paper to keep my hands busy and I'd maybe join or start a crocheting club.

You can do it. It's only nine months. I know time passes slower when you're not having fun, but plan some fun trips in that time so you've got something to look forward to, and focus on your goals. I did similar in my younger days but I went home and actually do wish I'd stuck it out longer for the money, looking back. Hindsight is a wonderful thing!

You have a good head on your shoulders

Yeah, I think stay. Try to find things, even little things or small changes that might improve the next 9 months. Maybe think about what you can get/do where you are now that you can't at home and take advantage of that, for example?

@PadstowGirl

I COMPLETELY feel you, OP. Because I am in the same exact position working abroad, and saving/earning loads but feeling like I am selling my soul away.

if I am very reasonable and follow the plan I had set for myself I should ideally try and push through another 2 years (3 would be the holy grail but my soul dies at the thought), it’s hard. I am actually in the process of negotiating a raise so that I can quicken the process by 6 months and maybe “only” stay another year and half. But it still feel so so long & so so far away.

I know that I have outgrown my current job, and my time here, so it’s very rough to stay, and most days I just want to quit and go home and have the life I crave, on the other hand I know why I made this plan in the first place and it’s so I could come home with enough savings to change my life long-term (if I use it wisely.)

So it’s hard, and yet it’s very interesting how money stops mattering when it feels like you are gifting pieces of your soul away to get it. If I stay 2 years (and keep a good head on my shoulders, I should have almost 200k saved up, so it seems crazy to want to not go through with it but I have had several losses in recent years and it feels a bit like gambling time with the people I love and care about for money which seems wrong to me).

So all that to say, is I totally get you. And I don’t think there is any right or wrong ways of going about it. I have made peace with the fact that I will be here until I really can’t anymore. My goal is to try and go for the 2 or 3 years, if I can, but if it happens that in 6 months, I really just can’t keep going, then it’s okay. Mental health is more important than money and so that’s where I draw the line for me.

Feel free to PM me if you want someone in a similar boat to talk to.

OP I was in this EXACT situation last year! I found living hard SO tough, despite living in a country that had interesting things to do, having the goal of saving to buy a house etc. I was so fucking miserable! I stuck it out and I'm glad I did - as I now sit in the house I bought. Looking back I do wish I'd found a way to be happier out there. I just got into bad habits of working a lot, not seeing much and just doing the same things. I think you should stuck it out and make a go for it. Maybe try and get a few therapy sessions/read a few self help books that light a fire under you - even temporarily. When you come back, you'll feel SO alive at being back, and see how living abroad changed you and you don't want to have any regrets - so try and aim to do it all. Good luck. 💗

You're over half way, if you come back now you'll regret it for years and years to come. In 2 months you will have done 2/3, another couple you will be 3/4 of the way through, then you can job hunt for the UK and it will be just around the corner.

I lived abroad for a year, and just a few months after arriving the country imposed draconian lockdown measures and I was suddenly stuck indoors, on my own, for months. At the time it seemed as though it would last forever, but actually it flew past once I worked out a few things I could do to pass the time. Nine months seems like an eternity in anticipation, but it goes in the blink of the eye once you accept that that's what you're going to do. Stick with it! You'll be in such a good position once you've finished. You'll have no regrets, whereas if you finish early you'll always be thinking about what might have been if you'd just stuck it out.

As everyone has said, 9 months will fly by.

Think back to the reasons you were excited to go there (apart from the money!). What were the things you were looking forward to doing/seeing/experiencing? How many of these have you seen/done? What are the things you'll miss when you come back to the UK (there must be some!)? What are the things you can do there, but not here?
Write these down, and then start to schedule them in a calendar, or look up places you can do them etc etc. They don't have to be big things, but by diarising things, it makes the future seem very close (I've just booked a race for next August, and I know it will be here before I know it). Just make sure you don't come back in 9 months and then spend the next 6 going "I should have done XYZ whilst I was away..."

Or - get another project on the go, with a long deadline. If you're a runner/swimmer/cyclist, sign up for something back home next year and get a training plan in place. If you're a knitter, start knitting a jumper to wear when you get home (it would take me 9 months to knit a jumper!), start organising photos of your time there/holidays/trips into photo books to get printed. Or even just make a list of books you want to read, and start working your way through them.

If there are people who said they'd visit you, get in touch with a couple to see if they want a long weekend with you - a few of those will pass a lot of time!

Be mindful of how low you’re feeling. One of my friends was in a simmlar position doing two-four week stunts abroad and said she was unhappy. It wasn’t till she quit she revealed she’d phone Samaritans many times and was feeling suicidal - no job is worth that. Only you know how you feel, but don’t feel you can’t just quit and go back.

Do you find that when you are on holiday the first week goes on forever and the second flashes by? Even though you dislike the job and other things in the new location, you may find that time starts to speed up pretty soon. You'll soon be halfway through the year, then starting to plan your return. Unless you feel it is actually destroying you, you will get through and be pleased to go home with your nest egg and the knowledge that you can find you way through bleak times.

This thread is lovely, Mumsnet at its best! Wishing you well OP, I hope things work out for you whatever you decide. And yes, keep the thread going for support. We're all rooting for you. 💐

Stay, push through. It's temporary and it'll be worth it.

Oh wow. Thank you so much for sharing your stories. It's reassuring to know there are others in the same boat who completely get it. There are so many different ways to frame the experience in my head that I hadn't thought of. Thank you again it's so much appreciated

We've lived overseas and it's a common expat thing that months 6-18 are hardest- the novelty and adventure starts to wear off but you don't feel 'at home' yet and everything is a big effort.

I'd see if you can push on through to the 18 month period at least and factor in some trips to break it up. Can you have visitors as well?

I've been there, I understand - it IS tough and lonely, these are normal feelings - but as previous posters have said, you've done the hardest bit, so you're clearly gifted with a bit of grit!

I like @PadstowGirl 's idea of making a project of it - one day you'll be home again, and people will ask what that country was like, so if you make a little game of learning as much about it as you can, you'll have stories to tell for the rest of your life! 😄 Even if you can get by in English, learn a bit of the local language.

I would also add, make sure you observe good self-care - keep fit, get enough sleep and do NOT drink too much! I've been there too, and it's the only thing I regret about living abroad - the time and opportunities wasted to hangovers and anxiety.

@ChampagneLassie I'm sorry to hear that about your friend. Unfortunately there have been times when I've felt similarly distressed but I think that's more to do with my marriage breakdown and still dealing with the trauma associated with that than with the issues I'm currently facing. I'm glad she made it through

Haven't rtft but my answer would be to leave and come home. I say this as someone who should have left a job and didn't and got a chronic illness partly as a result of the stress which I'm now stuck with and which restricts many aspects of life including earning power. Life is short and health is precious, you are risking your health by remaining so unhappy.

9 months is not that long at all. Can you invite family or friends to visit? If yes, perhaps arrange for someone to visit every couple of months or so. Fly home mid way for a week. Or take advantage of where you are and travel close by to explore. Try to make some friends there to pass time with or join a club/gym etc. There are plenty of ways to fill your time and the months will go by fast.

@Compash I have unfortunately succumbed to the local habit of smoking and I'm furious with myself. Everyone smokes everywhere which makes it so completely acceptable to me to do it even in the most unexpected places. I am now smoking to relieve stress and I'm furious with myself.

• Make a vision board with pics of the houses you could afford and other symbols of the life you're aiming for
• Try to regularly do something social. Either meeting new people where you are or a regular call with friends at home, preferably a mix of both
• Is there anything cultural where you are, can you write a bucket list of activities you want to try while you're there (museums, day trips, cultural sights)
• take care of the basics: feed yourself good food, exercise, keep your home and work environments clean and bright
• Organise little treats: a walk, pastry, fave TV show, baths
• Learn something new if you can. Think of the progress you can make in that in 9 months so you have a positive way of looking at the timeline, not just as days to tick off. If you're not already familiar with the UK house buying process, research this (including things to look out for on viewings and in surveys!)
• Don't stay longer than the 9 months if you're this miserable. It can be hard to leave if it's good money, but keep that limit if you're unhappy

Stay. 9 months is a short time from the rest of your life. You can be miserable for 9 months and survive. Just focus on the end.

Romanticise your life - if you were visiting where you are, where would you like to go? At least once a month visit something/somewhere and take pictures - you need to feel like you’re achieving something where you are and not just biding your time. (It doesn’t need to be anything expensive you could go for nice walks, get a nice coffee in a fancy coffee shop, wander round a museum etc)

Maybe it’s a good time for a new hobby/more exercise/healthy eating? Some kind of goal or project outside of your working life. You said the weather is better where you are so make the most of that!

Keep in touch with home as well, but don’t be scared to invest in your current life. You know it has an end date so enjoy the time you have while you’re there.