I have a huge decision to make. Can anyone help me make the right one?

[DaisyDaisyDaisyDaisyDaisyDaisy]

I am currently living abroad trying to build up some savings to buy a home in the UK when my job finishes here in 9 months. The problem is that I'm miserable. I have stuck it out for a year so far but I am really struggling now. The work is hard and I'm lonely. I miss my family in the UK. But if I leave I won't have built up the nest egg I need and in a way I'll be back to square one when I get home. My savings will soon be swallowed up as everything is so expensive at home and it's cheap here. If I stay to the end I'll have another 30k saved which would put me in a much better position. But 9 months feels like an absolute eternity. I feel stuck between a rock and a hard place.

I don't know, I wonder if spending the £2k it would take to go back for Christmas this year might not be worth it in this instance, for your mental health? It might give you a fillip to keep you going more happily until it is time for you to go home permanently? Maybe make £25k your savings goal, rather than £30k, so as to lessen the pressure you're putting on yourself? (I've lived abroad for donkey's years now and I remember that in the first few years, going home actually made me more homesick when I came back, as I knew I wasn't ever likely to go back to live in England, but your circumstances are very different to mine, so maybe it would be better for you to use some of your savings this Christmas?)

@Jaichangecentfoisdenom you're probably right. I made multiple visits home last year and while on the one hand it severely depleted what I had saved, it was also the thing that got me through.

@Ihatelittlefriendsusan yes there are cultural aspects of living here that can be challenging

You must be quite young OP because at my age (60) nine months is the blink
of an eye.
you can do this.
the benefits will be worth it.

@DaisyDaisyDaisyDaisyDaisyDaisy when exactly did you leave the UK? You may or may not be aware that to be non UK resident you first have to live outside the UK for at least one full tax year (6th April - 5th April) so if you leave the UK on Sat 4th April one year and return on 7th April the following year you meet that criteria but if you leave on 7th April you would have to be out of the UK for nearly two years. If you don't meet this criteria you are still UK resident for tax purposes and would have to pay tax on worldwide income in the UK.

Don't come back to the UK for Xmas, it's really expensive to do so then and take it from someone who's done that, it isn't actually that great. Travel somewhere else that you've never been to that's cheap so you can at least say you had an experience. Honestly the 9 months will pass so quickly. Think of the time in chunks between the visitors you have organised. We did many years abroad with all the highs and lows. Stick to the plan to save as much as you can but still spend enough to make it feel worth the sacrifices.

@NetZeroZealot I'm late 50s

Depending on which country in the ME, if you are somewhere you can celebrate Christmas on a beach (I'm thinking of the UAE), I'll take back my earlier suggestion and would advise just embracing that and enjoying Father Christmas riding in on a camel in the desert sands, and Filipinas randomly singing Christmas songs in Spinneys! A once in the lifetime, very strange, experience!

@kitchenhelprequired thank you. Yes I've looked into the financial implications but thank you for the very practical advice. Also very helpful

Future you will appreciate you staying but right now it sucks. Count it down in chunks (time to Christmas). Give yourself something to look forward to each Friday….massage / hair cut / cinema….anything to focus on something positive

@Jaichangecentfoisdenom that's a great thought actually

See if there are cheap flight to Sri Lanka at Christmas- we and everyone I know went there whilst living in the ME.

So much great advice on here OP!

A couple of people have mentioned art, knitting, etc. I would suggest crochet, once you get going, doesn’t matter if you’re any good, but I find it soooo relaxing and you kind of get in a different zone and hours can pass by. Get some lovely quality wool and I would guarantee if you take to it, it should be soothing when you’re feeling stressed or down.

I think I’d be on the hunt for local wools, if there are any, and use the positive reason you are there to create a throw or blanket in the kind of colours that reflect where you are, I am sure when you look back, that throw or blanket will signify how strong you were. And will be a treasure in the home you are saving for. Good luck!

Stick it out! You can do this!

Ah ok you are closer to my age than I thought.
I’ve just seen you are in the Middle East.
DH works there a lot & loved it but I know I would absolutely hate it.
So I sympathise.
But you need to tough it out as it will be so worth it in the end and you will be glad you did. 💐

I have lots of experience being an expat (3 different countries)... I feel that in the first 6 months or so, it's all novelty and you feel good and happy, but then it wears off and that has always been the hardest part for me... which is probably whre you are now. Homesickness, low mood, cultural differences, "wtf am I doing here?"....
Stick it out, adjust, fund things you like to do, keep your eye on the price (your house in the UK! That's a HUGE prize!)
You will regret it if you leave.
Good luck!

Of course you can do it !
Youve already played a blinder—— recovery ❤️‍🩹 from a marriage breakdown —- moved abroad to execute a savings plan ,etc
Believe in yourself ! You’re stronger than you think , just ( understandably) having a moment right now .
Everyone gets them . (I have lived overseas extensively)
Imagine how proud you’ll feel when you put your deposit down in your own little sanctuary.

Good luck and remember the mumsnet cheerleaders are are for a chat when you need it .

Staying will be tough but knowing its coming to an end at x date will be such a target to aim for! Mark it on the calendar and sprinkle some things to keep you sane between now and then, weekly zoom calls with friends and family back home, binge watching uk shows to feel like home in downtime, a fitness or other goal to aim for that you can work on in your free time. Going back with a nest egg would be a great gift to your future self, and honestly such a relief in the uk economy right now!

Going back early would also make the last 12 months worse as you woukd have endured those but without the financial gain at the end. Can you host anyone to visit? Is where you are a holiday destination and people could come stay to cheer you up too while you ride out the last 9 months?

I spent some time working away and really struggled (mainly because it was an awful job.) I had no-one to speak to in the evenings, and the time difference was awkward for chatting to people at home. What kept me sane was (a) focussing on the money, and (b) finding things to do on the internet. I did some lessons and learned lots of new things.

There is so much stuff available on line these days. I find that booking lots of things in my diary is really useful not just because it fills the time, but also because I can break up the big blob of time into smaller chunks.

I like Future Learn, and National Gallery, the national archives, and online festivals. If you spend a while looking for stuff that has been recorded on YouTube, you can make up your own personal schedule of things you like. There are also online book groups like the Literary Isolationists club on Facebook. They don’t specify books to read, but just meet up for a book chat once a week.

What exactly is it about being where you are that you're finding so soul destroying?

Is it the hours, the work itself, the fact you don't feel like you have friends or family about the place, what you do with your free time?

If you can pin that down you (or you and the power of Mumsnet) may be able to come up with some ideas that make a surprisingly big difference.

E.g. for me, I have a well paying but pretty full on job in the UK. I know I get miserable when the house is dirty, so I accept that I don't save as much and I pay a cleaner which means the house is always at least "okay".

Obviously that's a very small example but there may be others - accepting that you'll spend as much as you need on books because there's no English language library, or paying for a meal delivery service because you don't have time to cook easily.

It's not going to get rid of missing your family and your friends but there are things that can be done even to help that - going home and seeing them, meeting them half way, arranging a virtual quiz night or whatever.

I'd also say that I tend to be happiest when I don't do too much introspection. So while it's worth looking at what changes you can make, given it's only 8 or so months, once you've done a think and made the changes you can you might be best off just throwing yourself into being busy enough that you can't think about it too much.

How much have you already saved? How much of a difference does 30k make?

Have you had a look at the type of house you want to buy. How much of a deposit is this?

The money saving expert mortgage overpayment calculator is excellent. I wonder if plugging in the numbers will help to rationalise it? E.g if I do two more months here I save 8 years in mortgage repayments because of the interest.

Does it have to be the full 9 months. If you say to yourself 'I'll do four and save every penny ' is it more manageable?

I think I'd split the difference in my mind. You may as well do four months. It's not much more than 16 weeks.

Those are the weeks it's cold and dark here and very little comes on the housing market.

If you aim to come back in spring it gives you a more manageable target.

Personally I'd skip the 2k trips and aim to come home sooner.

I think the point at which you start having 'actions' will pass much quicker. When you start having to think about packing up, applying for jobs, can start searching houses it will fly by much quicker.

Sorry for all the questions. I wasn't meaning to answer them here, just to ask yourself to help come to a decision.

I was away over two Christmases, in places that didn’t celebrate ‘properly’. I ignored one completely. It was easier to stay at work and plough through than to think about missing home. The second I was a bit more acclimated and able to go and look at the weirdness that was local Christmas- a foam spray outside a shopping centre to give the illusion of snow, etc.
The black Santa had the most awesome laugh of any Santa ever, but the flossy fake beard was all kinds of wrong for him.

Definitely list the attractions of the place you are and view every week as ‘must do x, y, z- I’ll miss it when I’m back in Uk drizzle!’.

Mark a calendar with planned treats- the visits of your friends obviously go on, then wherever there’s a gap without much fun stick some treats in- a meal somewhere very fancy, or a massage or an expensive purchase.

With some ‘fence post’ markers to break up the time, instead of focussing on ‘next June’ you’ll be focusing on next week.

I hope this helps, but may mean nothing to you but it may help.

Back in the 70's the English cricket team regularly found themselves with backs against the wall. On one occasion, they needed to bat for a period of time to avoid defeat. David Gower and Derek Randall were batting. Gower had spoken to Randall and had suggested breaking the task down and reviewing their situation every 15 minutes. At one point, Randall (known to be an 'unconventional' character) met with Gower in the middle of the pitch. (I'm paraphrasing - can't find the quote) "We're doing OK. It's only 15 minutes until the 15 minutes before the last 15 minutes before tea".

They made it.

Break it down into smaller chunks. You can do it Daisy.

@babbi your response is so sweet I'm actually crying

How expensive is it to travel back? I would personally reduce the 30k goal to 25k, and go home once every 6 weeks or so, to recharge.

I have moved internationally 3 times. As a very young person, and not so young too. It’s hard. One of them was during Covid. What really killed me then was not being able to travel back and forth. The other moves I have survived by still going home every 2-3 months max, even if just for a couple of days (I travel well so didn’t mind a lot of time eaten up by airports etc).

Give yourself permission to reduce your saving goal (unless you really must achieve that amount), and get home as often as you can to help you survive the 9 months.

@HowYouSpellingThat10 I have 50k so far