I have a huge decision to make. Can anyone help me make the right one?

[DaisyDaisyDaisyDaisyDaisyDaisy]

I am currently living abroad trying to build up some savings to buy a home in the UK when my job finishes here in 9 months. The problem is that I'm miserable. I have stuck it out for a year so far but I am really struggling now. The work is hard and I'm lonely. I miss my family in the UK. But if I leave I won't have built up the nest egg I need and in a way I'll be back to square one when I get home. My savings will soon be swallowed up as everything is so expensive at home and it's cheap here. If I stay to the end I'll have another 30k saved which would put me in a much better position. But 9 months feels like an absolute eternity. I feel stuck between a rock and a hard place.

Nine months flies past. If you return now think how you would feel in nine months time knowing that if you had finished the hard yards you would have been 30k better off.

100% stay, this is a brilliant opportunity for you to get ahead. 9 months left, how much holiday do you get? Time off will nearly reduce it by 1 month maybe.

Time goes fast, find something you really enjoy for the evenings and weekends. Look on it differently, try to think Time is running out in this place and you need to see and experience as much as possible.

9 months is nothing by summer you will be here and looking for a new home...

Could you use your free time to visit tourist sites while you are there? If you culturally can't perhaps make some YouTube videos about the issue to release in your return. Could you write a book or try painting or drawing

@OopsyDaisie you are so right. I think I was so incredibly busy just finding my feet when I first arrived both at work and personally and with the huge cultural differences, unfathomable language etc etc even though it was hard it was easier as well. This year feels very very different

Can you set yourself goals of things you want to achieve by the end of the 9 months? I find having things to work towards and focus on really helps to motivate me.

You already have the goal of saving 30k which is great and you can break that down into weekly or monthly goals to make sure you’re on track.

Other goals could be things like learning a language, learning to drive, reading some classic novels (say a list you want to get through by the end or a goal of reading two books a month), taking up yoga, getting fit by going to the gym 3 times per week, writing a book.

It sounds like you have more free time on your hands than in the UK so if there’s anything you’ve never got around to doing this is the perfect time to do it.

I think you’ll feel better knowing that you’re working towards a personal goal while you’re there and achieving something for yourself rather than just sticking it out for the money. And when you come back you’ll have more to show for your time there.

You can do this. 9 months isn't that long and if it will help set you up in the future it will be well worth it.
Try to keep busy & distracted. Is it an interesting place to be? Are there new things you can do/explore that you won't get chance to when you are home?

This. Give yourself a date that you can decide whether to stay or go. Reevaluate on that date. If it feels OK, choose another date. Reevaluate then. And so on and so on. You need to give yourself permission to leave on that date then and if you decide to do so.

Is there an expat community anywhere near you? If there’s an international school there might be a local British community group. You obviously couldn’t attend any groups at the school but there are often satellite groups - fitness, coffee - which you could hear about? Where exactly are you? You may have a local Mumsnetter!

This. I did similar.
can you find a sports /club/team to get involved with?

@hby it's a chaotic fascinating challenging place to live. There's a rich cultural history but in many ways is very poor. There's a lot to see and do and most things are relatively cheap

Maybe you could buy yourself a nice big diary today and fill it up with stuff to do. And each week, write the subtotal of how much you will have saved by staying that long. I have an online money counter that reminds me how much I am earning. On bad days, I look at that to remind myself what it is all for.

Then you can start looking on Rightmove for your dream house. 🙂

There must be things to do that you would enjoy. Think of it as 9 months to really get to know the country, history, geography, culture, museums, places of interest, theatres, write a diary or even a book. Are there other ex-pats you can find and spend time with? Hobbies also a good idea and schedule regular catch ups to home by video calls etc. Every month look at how much more money you've saved to keep yourself motivated.

Some brilliant ideas here from the wonderful mumsnet community! It's encouraged me to shake things up a bit in MY life and not drift along so much 😊

It’s only nine months more. Not even a year.

OP I lived overseas in my 20s and found the first year very hard - feeling lonely etc - and promised myself I would break contract (despite the financial penalties) and leave after one year. That comforted me, I gritted my teeth and got on with it.... and as the end of the first year approached I realised I didn't feel so bad and that I could bear to stay another year. I ended up staying 6 (and then another 4 in the same country some years later) and also learnt some endurance which is a valuable quality in adult life.

Keep your thoughts focused on what you are trying to achieve - savings for your house. Develop strategies for meeting people to help with the loneliness - join a club, sport etc.

Good luck!

This OP!

For completely different reasons I feel completely despondent and stuck in my situation ATM, and have been looking for jobs in the UK. It's not going well and I'm so tempted to just chuck it all and move over anyway and live off my savings for a while, but I know that would be worse for me in the long term ....

@DaisyDaisyDaisyDaisyDaisyDaisy feel free to PM me for any little support whenever you want, I know I feel like I need someone to keep telling me it'll be alright in the end ....

This too shall pass! Rinse repeat. Tell all your UK friends that you miss them and will see them soon. Keep your links up.
You can be getting expert on UK Rightmove in the meantime. Learning about the local culture to talk to people about it when you’re back. Nine months feels very short compared to your future plans.

Don’t over romanticise life the UK. It’s very hard, for lots of people. The NHS and schools and roads are falling apart. Unreliable expensive public transport etc. You are somewhere with (for you) a low cost of living. Take advantage of that. Do nice things.

Reframe. You’re very lucky there’s a specific end date. This is a temporary. Many difficult life experiences are permanent, and with no financial reward at the end, in fact the opposite. You are lucky. Tell yourself that every day.

Lots of great advice here OP. I, too, have lived overseas, and you definitely go through phases of being fascinated by a new culture/hating the place, then settling a bit to accept where you are. I think the thing is to keep looking forward. If you've just come out of a marriage breakdown, don't look back. Focus on the future and break your 9 months into chunks with little treats and goals. Join expat groups for crafts, culture, sport or whatever. Read War and Peace or whatever epic novel you've always meant to get to, but never had the time. Take up a craft - knitting, crochet, patchwork. Zoom or Facetime friends and family more. Read Mumsnet and post on various other threads. And what about charities? Is there a local animal rescue or something that you could contribute to? The old cliché about helping others = helping yourself is often true. Your 9 months will pass and when it comes to an end you won't regret having done it! All the best

Stay. I stayed in a job I really despised for another two years to pay off my house, and then was able to go part time and taper towards retirement. Now I’m free, and it all seems like a distant dream. You can hold out for 9 months to get your house.

@DaisyDaisyDaisyDaisyDaisyDaisy you have had fantastic advice so far, just wanted to say that you have done amazing.

Dealing with all that you already have and moving to a new country takes total guts whatever age you are but especially later in life.

You've got this:)... Just a few months to go😊Take Care and Best Wishes

Give yourself a 9 month goal - e.g. to be super fit (join a fancy, expensive, gym in a smart hotel), to have read all the books you promised yourself you’d read, do an online course that will benefit your career when you get back, learn a new skill like salsa or baking or hang gliding, if there’s a university nearby see if you can sign up for some free classes, seminars, or activities in the department related to your work. Treat yourself as a project and think about doing a thing that would make you happier, healthier, or both.

If you come back now there’s also a reasonable chance you’d have to pay UK tax on everything you’ve earned there since April which could make an even bigger dent in your savings.

Everyone else has said it but can I add I think you're extremely brave. Picking yourself up in your late 50s after your marriage ended, heading to Middle East, earning squillions. I was a mess after my marriage ended! Well done.

LettuceSpray is correct.

The benefits will be:
Long term financial security
Knowing you chose the hard yards and stuck with it.
If this time can help your career I would give it everything.

It takes time to organize and plan a move. So once Christmas is over with I would start to declutter/ think about booking flights home. Looking at where you might live in the future.

Honestly, the last six months will whizz by, so really you only have 3 months (max) to do, before you are on countdown.