How to break bad news - 11+

[GoodIsGoodEnough]

My DC hasn't scored high enough to get into grammar. It was always going to be a long shot with much less tutoring than their peers, but I am still sad for them.

Any advice on how to tell them the news would be appreciated.

Do I give them their real score which is about 30 marks off, or do I say their score was closer (say 10 marks off)?

I hate that at 10 they're going to not feel "good enough". I never wanted the 11+, they got wind of it and wanted to do it. I feel like I've let them down.

I didn't go to grammar and I've read all the stories of people going to comps and doing well, which I'm sure she will, but just looking for some advice on how to handle this immediate situation today.

State schools are not allowed to teach 11+ technique in my area. Prep schools do it in spades.

Simply not true. None of the kids I know who got into grammar were tutored! Granted I think this depends on region quite a lot. I think that round here a minority of kids are tutored, but it's a poor area and the pass mark for getting in is lower than on this thread.

The above might be true in London.

I do know several kids who were miserable in primary school and thriving in grammar because they needed an academic environment to fit in.

@MerlotMisery I don’t remember them taking any practise tests before starting the tutoring? Not sure I understand your question?

Something that occurred to me.. All the local mum friends that I know, many of them are immigrants (me included) of various countries and all of them were the ones who started with Kumon at first and then subsequently booked the 11+ . Getting good grades has been an absolut priority for them (me included except we didn’t do Kumon).

The ones who “don’t believe in the 11a+ system” and/or “I’d prefer my child have some personality/just happy” were all native Brits. Regardless of their economic background.

@Commonsense22 In our area a certain percertage of places are reserved for children on pupil premium if they get the qualifying score which I believe is 200. After that I think they're allocated from highest points downwards until all the places are filled.

The fact that PP pupils are (in my opinion rightly) prioritised means that there's even more a scramble for the other places - tutors have done very well out of it all.

I thought at first you had two children through your use of 'they' - very confusing!

Don't lie. She didn't pass ( by quite a large margin it seems) - so just explain it is not the right school for her.

A good comprehensive might be better suited to her abilities if she isn't academic.

@Igavebirthtoabanana

Surprised you don't remember that as you seem so sure that tutoring was what helped your children pass the 11+.

Obviously the first thing any child attending 11+ tutoring should do is take a practice test to identify areas of strength and weakness, and measure progress during tutoring?

With subsequent tests being taken regularly during the course.

Otherwise how else would you measure how effective the tutoring is?

Well my DD got a place in a grammar school and wasn’t tutored! And she’s not a genius either. We did practice past papers with her though …

its not 11+ technique, its general exam technique. Do children not to any tests or exams in primary?

Given that 11+ is a very different type of exam, technique is specific to it. Preps teach those specifics in my area and state schools are not allowed to.

@MerlotMisery I don’t know why you are questioning me? The tutoring wasn’t for me so me being able to remember some detail isn’t really relevant. I’m trying to rack my brain but I really don’t remember if there was an initial exam. There was one or two along the way but I have sweetly forgotten what the results were.

These were three and six years ago, both DC had the outcome they wanted and their tutor was great. I’m happy with that.

My point is you were the one on here claiming that tutoring is so effective and was such a positive thing for your own children, but in fact you have no idea whether it made any difference at all for their 11+.

Yes they passed. It's highly likely they'd have passed anyway.

My DCs 11+ tutor gave an aptitude test at the end of yr 4. She quote explicit not to start with practice papers until easterish .

Do stop going on at her @MerlotMisery A practice exam doesn’t determine the efficacy of tutoring as they’re subject to natural performance variation. If the poster says it helped her kids it helped her kids.

They started getting 65-75% and by the end were getting high 80s-90s. 360 and 371 on the Kent test if anyone cares. Then full marks in their Sats at the end of yr 6.

Yeah, of course nobody is going to admit that they hothoused their kid.

I remember my uni friend who always got top marks and ‘never revised’, but whose light would be on until late at night……everybody are geniuses and the UK is bursting at the seams with top Laureates.

Its probably different from when i took it, but the exam technique included basic stuff like read all the questions first, do the ones that you find easiest first, if you start to panic, pause and breathe

Right you are 👍👍

I'm just fed up of Year 5 parents being railroaded with immense peer pressure to shell out for 11+ tutoring which is completely pointless.

At best, it could push a borderline fail to a borderline pass. In which case your child will hate grammar school anyway.

Maybe you are mistaking me to someone else as I haven’t claimed that all. All I said it benefitted my children, whats wrong with that? Why the need to pick it apart?

Thank you @Mirabai

@Neurodiversitydoctor First practise test being at around Easter rings a bell actually.

I am not academic at all and I retain information poorly. I struggled at school and my DP didn’t value education. It takes me a long time to compose a message (not a native speaker). Luckily my DC have taken after my DH what it comes to understanding science subjects. (They can thank me for their wit and repartee).

exactly. Which is why grammar kids need to be tutored. It’s like all exams. All exams have specific techniques and the whole point of school is to learn how to apply them. Seriously. What do you think GCSEs and A levels don’t have a ‘technique’? Hahahahaga.

Hahahahaga, 11+ is not the same as A-levels. Hahahahaga.

Only about 2 or 3 kids in a grammar school average class get through without ANY tutoring.

a couple more will get through with 1 or 2 years of sporadic tutoring.

the majority who get through have been intensely tutored from year 4 and they will do well at GCSEs and likely tank at A level (if not before) because they have had enough.

then there are some kids who will have been trained from years 1/2/3 and who will be burned out by the time they get to gcse.

it used to be (before the tutoring madness), that is was a lot more balanced.

Why is not getting tutoring some kind of batch of honour? To me it suggests they missed out on the opportunity to push themselves and work hard towards something.

My point is that each exam has a technique that needs to be learnt regardless of ability and regardless of whether it is the 11+ or the 100+, including A levels and GCSEs, so all kids need to be taught exam technique (except of course for the genious offspring of the mumsnet mum whose children got into grammar school without having to have a single tutoring session, which by all accounts is all of you).

This is total nonsense. No opportunity missed. It is not a badge of honour but I am not going to lie that my child was tutored when he had two sessions. He has always worked hard. A lack of 11+ tutoring made no difference to that.