What things are “very Mumsnet”

[Kibble29]

Lighthearted of course before anyone says otherwise.

I really enjoy the threads that remind you of things that are quintessentially MN but rarely come up in real life. They always throw up lots of quips that I’ve forgotten about.

Such as:

(24 year old man with 2 children and a mortgage cheats on his wife, wife posts about it)

MN: have you considered that he doesn’t yet have a fully developed frontal lobe and this may contribute to his impulsive behaviour?

Pretending you would be absolutely fine with something when you absolutely wouldn't just to make the OP feel foolish/silly when they may have a very legitimate point to make.

@WhateverMate do you not believe that people read books?

Just being stuck up

It's only on mumsnet that I have heard of a new mum not allowing any visitors (especially the mil) to see the newborn for at least two weeks so the baby can settle ( or whatever(
Every family I know are excited to show off new baby and the grandparents are so pleased to see the new addition!

Man - "I've been stupid and had an affair." MN - "You're utterly vile."
Woman - "I've been stupid and had an affair." MN - "I feel for you. Sending hugs."
"Passive aggressive"
"Is £500,000 a month enough to live on?"

I'm sure there's a big crossover between people who post about not (wanting to) speaking to neighbours, colleagues or the dreaded school mums ....and threads about a relatively minor (non) problem where the obvious answer would be ask a friend or neighbour to babysit for 5 min/take in a parcel/get a pint of milk for you etc.
Cue 100 posters saying no there's literally no one at all they could think of to ask for a simple favour....

@Sweepsthepillowclean "My kid is 36 and wants an iphone AIBU to say no." absolutely cracked me up! So true!!

Also the horrible, "Are you on glue?"

This is tongue in cheek as I am on here daily and love the entertainment and advice but Mumsnetters...

vacuum their entire house and clean their bathrooms daily - if you don't you are a lazy slattern

say "just safely co-sleep!" even if OP has explained until they are blue in the face that baby will only sleep ON them and will not not be put down next to them

are all NC with their in laws/siblings

cannot abide anyone who has any help with their DC. To any struggling parent, especially new parents asking if its unreasonable if their other half buggers off for weeks at a time when they have a tiny baby, it's all "well I had five children, three dogs, worked full time and have no family/friends/money and I coped solo and my children are all brain surgeons so just SUCK IT UP you weakling".

“I couldn’t get upset over that”

People stating the blinking obvious like 'you really haven't chosen wisely with the father of your baby and should have seen the red flags early on.'

I see that on facebook too though. "I asked my 16 year old to keep an eye on my 5 yo for 15 minutes in an emergency..."
"OMG HOW DARE YOU parentify your poor child, that 5 yo is your responsibility not hers!"

The advice to someone who comes on distressed because they are obese due to eating 15 chocolate bars a day.

“Just start eating wholemeal bread, Salad and Fish and Vegetables. Cut your calories to 1200 from the current 12000 and you will be slim before you know it”

Like it is that easy!
………

Retired People

”We paid our stamp” - My mum used to love that one.

'I'm worried about DH. He's been very distant with me lately and has started hiding his phone. We usually have a very good relationship. He's cheated on me 5 times, doesn't do any work around the house and calls me a fat ugly bitch.
Apart from that we're solid, what do I do?'

In Style and Beauty, when someone asks if something is in fashion, 20 posters will tell them they don’t care and will still be wearing their skinny jeans on their deathbed.

Anyone over 40 has chronic health problems, and couldn’t possibly cope with having a small child, yet grandparents who are ‘young 60s’ should be able to provide daily childcare.

An acquaintance hasn’t factored in the needs of every single wedding guest and has the audacity to plan their wedding how they wanted and now I can’t go as it’s a hamster-free, vegan wedding, requiring a 20minute drive and I don’t have a car.

lighthearted threads that turns dark.

Every slight hiccup in a relationship.

"Leave him"

You forgot to add that "he's a great father and husband overall"

Do you think she might have dementia? (In response to anyone's parent being a bit forgetful on one occasion)

No is a complete sentence. (No, it isn't. It's bloody rude)

Why are you spending £150/week on groceries? (for a family of 6, several of whom are teen/young adult, husband has a physical job, two dogs and a cat). I can feed my family for a year for less than that.

Have my first ever or LTB. (When you know they have posted it multiple times that day already.)

Being told to leave your partner of fifteen year with whom you have three kids, two dogs and a house, because he liked a female school friend's photo on Facebook.

Which inevitably is said by a poster getting defensive about people pointing out that the spouse she has just described as permanently absent and, when present, chronically unengaged with their children, is in fact a prat,

Could I add - this bastard Sky Sports ad that's popping up all over everything I try to read here, is so huge I can't swipe to scroll without it thinking I'm trying open it when I AM SO NOT.

Really ... Are Mumsnetters truly Sky Sport's ideal client avatar?

It's a spectrum though....lots of people have narc traits but wouldn't necessarily be diagnosed with NPD. Also, hardly anyone with NPD is actually diagnosed because by nature of the condition, they don't realise there's anything wrong with them. Also there's a huge overlap with BPD/EUPD so a lot of these people have strong narc behaviours.

• All men are bastards (apart from my own, 6-figure, pulls-his-weight-at-home husband)
• The inevitable trotting out of 'naice', 'MN chicken' and 'no loo brush' on threads like this one
• Any tantrum/strop/bad mood must be down to ADHD/ASD
• The obsession with trans people invading female spaces
• Everyone is on the breadline but also everyone seems to spend between 4 and 11k on holidays per year
• You were never able to afford private school if you can't absorb a 26% increase in fees in one year (due to fees rising and Labour's tax raid)
• Every medical symptom must be down to being 'peri'
• Toast and Uniqlo are 'fashionable'

"Projection much?"

"If the sexes were reversed, everyone would be saying ..." No, no we wouldn't.

I miss "Chinny reckon", though. It's due a comeback!