What things are “very Mumsnet”

[Kibble29]

Lighthearted of course before anyone says otherwise.

I really enjoy the threads that remind you of things that are quintessentially MN but rarely come up in real life. They always throw up lots of quips that I’ve forgotten about.

Such as:

(24 year old man with 2 children and a mortgage cheats on his wife, wife posts about it)

MN: have you considered that he doesn’t yet have a fully developed frontal lobe and this may contribute to his impulsive behaviour?

Where is your empathy?!?!?

🤣🤣🤣

or “Go!” at the end of the post to get people to reply.

Seeing my MIL every six months is way too much. Unless of course I need childcare in which case MIL should put her life on hold to have my DC every day and be happy to travel to my house to do this. MIL should do exactly what I say and venturing any opinion will result in me going totally NC. Except of course for daily child care which you should be happy to provide.

Followed by another poster saying “please be kind, this may be undiagnosed ASD”.

LTB
Everyone is neurodivergent/may have autism
Men are the devil and we would all be better off without them

On the phrase 'but you already knew that, didn't you?!'
Its so patronising.

When someone is describing a job,hobby, holiday destination etc and they don't want to say what or where so they say "think senior position for x" "think, similar to golf" "think somewhere like the Maldives"

Salivating over upper-class 'taste'/lifestyle

Describing areas or schools as 'nice'

Telling people to go no contact over the slightest infringement

Asking someone with 8 kids and poor health why they won't walk 15 miles in the rain to work

Saying that as private school parents they live in garden sheds and have 40 year old cars because they're uniquely self sacrificing and value their children who are far too sensitive for state schools, everyone else spends their money on holidays and make up because they don't love their children enough

Starting an AIBU and then despite 80+% of posters saying they are, fighting every single comment and using a sock puppet to defend themselves

The phrase 'bitty tea'

Thinking teenagers are possessed by satan and you just have to grin and bear it and not expect anything from them other than hatred and silence until they turn 18 and then they're an adult who should be applying for a mortgage
Conversely, thinking 7 year olds should be able to iron a full load of washing, cook the family tea and walk 10 miles in the rain to school

Believing your birthday/wedding is of deep interest to everyone around you

Thinking everyone lives in England

Not giving their child's age when asking if something is normal or typical, from falling asleep at school to buying condoms

Saying your child's sex life is completely their business and their privacy to be respected at all costs even if they're having a blow job on the kitchen table at 16

Telling people to take half a junior disprin if their arm is hanging off rather than going to A&E

Being horrified at a child wearing a big bow in their hair but charmed by a child wearing big fairy wings.

95% of people seem to live very rurally
And earn 100k +
And don't speak to work colleagues, neighbours, school mums or most of their family

Wildly overprotective mothers getting upset because they allowed their 14yo on a playdate and the other Mum didn't cut their grapes and allowed them to walk to the shop.

Unrealistic standards for 2 yos being expected to be trained like a working line German Shepherd, or you've failed as a parent.

Reacting to every incident of terrible behaviour from an older child with a suggestion you empathise and get them tested for ND.

Any separated parent having to stay single until children move out, or at least wait years to introduce a new partner- this is something I've never come across off Mumsnet and is so far removed from real life.

Telling someone their obsessed with whatever they're talking about

Also the concept of mutual favours between friends or (horror) school mums doesn't exist on MN.
Lots of people have never ever been late, had a train cancelled, got stuck in traffic or called to an emergency, and might need to ask another mum to pick up their child (and repay the favour) anyone asking someone to do something like that is outrageous disorganised CF

(In RL shit happens, and friends do one another favours to help out!)

Could you retrain for a better paid job 🤣

People saying :
... Makes my teeth itch
I spat my tea out
Howling

Asking another adult, "Did you mean to be so rude?"

That everyone is highly educated and earning a fortune, but can't possible understand a thread if the OP uses the wrong word.

What is everyone having for lunch? I’m thinking ham sandwich. The replies - home-made chutney on home-made bread, chunky home-made vegetable soup with lashings of butter on sour dough, lamb shoulder that has been slow cooking for the last 28 days with a lovely Rioja. I’m left questioning my life choices.

OR the endless posts about private schools.

“My child bit a child at school, stomped on the class pet and head butted a dinner lady. I work 2 jobs and their father is an abusive alcoholic and has been in an out of jail for 5 years”

1/2 down the 3rd page… without fail

”Have you had them tested for ADHD?”

‘Think somewhere like the Maldives’ You're in Lloret de Mar aren’t you OP?

Also "why did you have a baby with him?" which gleefully ignores the fact that DV and abuse commonly begins in pregnancy or shortly after.

God, so much this. I just imagine all those MN people saying 'and that's my problem how?' if ever asked for a small favour

Not opening your front door when someone knocks without an appointment. Recommending rear facing car seats until your child at least 10.

You MUST take HRT even if you have no symptoms and your GP and oncologist say not to - otherwise your bones WILL crumble to dust and you WILL get The Dementia by the time you're 65...

Someone posts along the lines of “has your husband ever rolled his eyes at something you said?” or “has your partner ever spoken over you?” and there is no less than 10 replies of women flexing their apparently perfect, middle-aged existence by saying “sorry, no advice OP as my husband would never do this. We have been married for 36 years and have never actually had a disagreement. We have utmost respect for each other, he never gets angry and we have a lovely conch to ensure nobody speaks over the other.”

And any parent who expects a teenager to spend a total of 40 minutes a week doing a bit of hoovering and taking the bins out is abusive.