What things are “very Mumsnet”

[Kibble29]

Lighthearted of course before anyone says otherwise.

I really enjoy the threads that remind you of things that are quintessentially MN but rarely come up in real life. They always throw up lots of quips that I’ve forgotten about.

Such as:

(24 year old man with 2 children and a mortgage cheats on his wife, wife posts about it)

MN: have you considered that he doesn’t yet have a fully developed frontal lobe and this may contribute to his impulsive behaviour?

Oh, another S&B one. I love that board, strange as it may be 😂

OP shares picture of the £45 dress she's unsure whether to buy:
"This would look so much better, OP."
It's £785.

The "cool wives" 😎

Why on earth have you had the audacity to order something to your house when you might have to go out for 20 minutes during the vague 3-5 delivery timeframe? (Never mind the fact that all physical shops are closing down so you can’t buy in person/bloody try a range of things on.)

Ah yes….but you must’ve heard of the baby bubble and newborn snuggles!

Or OP says she wants something knockout that shows off her figure and someone inevitably replies recommending a £500 sack that would make them look like a fundamentalist Mormon.

🤣🤣🤣

Yes
And expensive dress probably looks like an old sack and ticks at least 3 boxes OP was hoping to avoid!

…or an apostle.

Filling kids' lives with organised 'activities' every moment of every day from birth until university and insisting that they must do an organised sport outside school

Constantly banging on about the horrors of allowing 'screens' as if all digital technology literally contains Satan himself waiting to turn your child into a crazed member of his demon horde

Believing their husbands have never ever once looked at porn in private, not even for the purposes of a quick wank, because 'he knows how I feel about porn'

Being weirdly over-involved in the careers and life choices of their 20-something kids

'Logging it with 101' if they see a lone man sitting on a park bench where children might be present

Normalising eating disorders under the guise of 'avoiding UPF'

Normalising germ phobias/OCD under the guise of claiming it's 'grim' not to shower twice a day

Thinking all noise problems are solved with the advice to 'get some ear plugs'

Thinking 'tradesmen' are a different, inferior species and treating them accordingly

Notions of office and/or wedding dress codes that nobody in the real world has adhered to since the mid-1980s

Weddings. I decide if I want to go or not. No angst over them.

Kids should be mollycoddled until the moment they turn 18 at which point they should be promptly yeeted out of the family home into a house share, never to darken your door again.

Making a cup of tea for a builder is an imposition.

No one irons anything ever.

Remember you're naming a person not a puppy, how will they be a high court judge with that name etc etc

Everyone who finds something dodgy on their DHs phone wasn't snooping, just had to use his phone to look at a photo he took of the kids the other day.. yeah right!

"Sit him down and calmly state" "come to jesus" (hate that phrase!)

The ick.

Who does mumsnet hate the most, people who can't drive or the obese what about if you are both and also have 4 kids with usual names??

Oh and that too! On MN it seems everyone drop kicks their kids through the school gate and thinks it utterly weird that you might have a chat w another parent, and that neighbours are a painful reminder that they don't live in a massive pile behind a big gate and only there to irk one with their parking/fence habits

Oh and don't forget to read "why does he do that?" and "the gift of fear" !

”Use your words”

Screaming in the Sistine Chapel.

I've never understood why "school mums" are somehow different from the person who is dropping their kid at school and not wanting to speak to them....are they not a school mum also...?

UPF. Everyone seems to be giving it up yet my work colleagues are happily eating ham sandwiches and a bag of walkers as usual, and peoples trolleys are still full of the stuff

UC. That everyone on a low wage gets "topped up" because single people with no children don't exist

That's the classic MN cognitive dissonance.

All women/mum's are like that except me.

That’s seriously what you took from my post? 😂😂

" Crispin is seriously bright and we're wondering which is best: Eton, Harrow or somewhere else?"

"Where can we live which is commutable to London but has beautiful cheap houses, great parks, no crime at all and outstanding schools? Our budget is £70k"

"why isn't my house selling? It's a shit pit filled with clutter and only priced at £5m. We spent £100 doing it up and paid £100k for it 2 years ago"

All the vague advice to “report” someone, or log something with 101, plus the inaccurate advice to “press charges”.

“Why did you have children with this man?”
As someone said upthread, abuse often doesn't emerge until pregnancy or childbirth, so this lofty dismissal comes across very badly.

I haven't seen “fumming” for a while, quite liked that one.

They take you out and shoot you. HTH. <head nod>

If someone asks for unique baby name recommendations, two pages of the exact dictionary definition of unique from various posters will follow despite knowing perfectly well what the OP meant.

LTB

UNUSUAL names that should be before a pedant is baffled by why mumsnet should hate usual names..