What things are “very Mumsnet”

[Kibble29]

Lighthearted of course before anyone says otherwise.

I really enjoy the threads that remind you of things that are quintessentially MN but rarely come up in real life. They always throw up lots of quips that I’ve forgotten about.

Such as:

(24 year old man with 2 children and a mortgage cheats on his wife, wife posts about it)

MN: have you considered that he doesn’t yet have a fully developed frontal lobe and this may contribute to his impulsive behaviour?

Not letting anyone visit your newborn until the newborn turns 35

What is wrong with you?!! Don't you know that even a sniff of ham will have you in an early grave? If you even think about giving some to your child then SS will have to be informed IMMEDIATELY.

Everyones DH has to use a toilet in a separate building a different toilet and tradesmen ideally should use a toilet in a different town.

Also given that many people come to MN to seek advice or rant or weep about their relationship woes = something is wrong and that “something” might just be that they’re with a narcissist.

“tradesmen ideally should use a toilet in a different town.”

love this 🤣

Healing.

No-one on MN just gets better in the boring, old fashioned way - they take time to heal.

Just to say thanks for this hilarious thread. I’m recovering from surgery and it’s been painful to laugh, but worth it.

Same, I always thought they were using a photo of someone they hated!

That doesn't explain why everyone always says they look older than their granny, though, when they look about 38!

Because some people are genuinely awful at guessing ages - that 38 year old (who looks mid thirties/early forties) can be anything from 20 to 60, depending on the posters!

Posted by masochists, responded to by sadists. Must be a kink or something, why why would people post photos of themselves like that?

There's another one- overreacting to a lighthearted comment and bringing down a thread!

Poster is clearly talking about a general argument, not an abusive situation 🙄.

Would a screaming, name-calling man respond to ‘it’s not kind to shout?’

I'm happy to bring down a thread if it goes some tiny way to resisting the normalisation of abuse.

If this is an honest question (and with apologies in advance for bringing down the thread further by answering it) it depends what you mean by "respond". I think it's something that doesn't escalate the situation, and prevents the situation from being reframed as an argument where you're both at fault afterwards. It's also hard to think in a situation like that, you need your wits about you. It's easier to have some set non-confrontational sentences.

No one is normalising abuse.
And this is my last response to you, as another pet MN hate is when 2 posters argue and derail!

Ha, we've found something to agree on! Those derailing buggers.

Another one, which thankfully I don’t seem to see as often now - posters loftily stating they’ve “already explained” why the point you’re making is wrong, when what they actually mean is, they’ve argued. Arguing that I’m wrong is fine, but don’t try to tell me your argument is an explanation. An explanation is factual, not an opinion.

Mornington Crescent, the game of games.

There are apparently people who are not on MN and have never played the game of games.

Posts that ask for breakfast ideas for their child, they clearly state that they will not eat toast, this is followed by pages and pages of people asking “have you tried toast?” In various ways!

Posts that say that they have to cater breakfast for their husband’s family, who absolutely despise them, are rude and ignore OP at every opportunity, just need simple ideas. This produces pages of what seem like the catering you would see at an all inclusive buffet, preemted with the phrase ‘just simply lay out…..’. Any posts saying either get your husband to do it or don’t do it at all are answered with excuses. This could be for any in-law catering conundrum.

The term semi rural, I have absolutely no idea what the hell this even means, but apparently everyone lives in these locations!

The weird advice that you should just go and get half an hours free consultation with a solicitor as though it’s a right by law or that any solicitor would even offer this!

People refusing to believe that yes, you will probably actually look your age or older and that all these people who apparently spit out their tea on learning your how old you are JUST BEING POLITE!

The answer for breakfast is always eggs, cereal is akin to child abuse

My child likes to have yoghurt with chopped fruit and a bit of muesli for breakfast

Gosh, that's a lot of sugar. Could you increase the protein, and that yoghurt is probably upf you know.

Because fruit and yoghurt are so well known for causing health issues.

Feeling full after a huge salad.

I should probably leave mumsnet...

DH is a a good un, although there was a pile on on one thread when I mentioned that he'd made me cheese on toast for tea (cause y'know I cook filet steak for him and he was clearly a lazy bastard)

I despise lettuce, am a salad dodger and will happily eat carbs twice a day.

I'm not snuggling under a blanket on the sofa for a family movie night. Absolutely not. I like sprawling on my own sofa thank you very much.

DD is a strong-willed determined 8 year old, she takes no shit, eats well, sleeps well, and is, on occasion, a pain in the arse. She has her fathers surname. I took DH's name when we got married (because I liked it, because I wanted to) much to the disgust of the "unheard of in my circle" crew. I didn't dare tell them that DH and my DFather got pissed (oh my god...HUGE red flag LTB) and DH asked for my Dad's blessing to propose (like I was a THING to be SOLD!!) apparently they staggered home from the pub arm in arm, wiping away the odd manly tear.

I can't be doing with all the "oh my gosh! Outrageous!" bollocks on here half the time. Just chillax hun. 😁

The absolute insistence that you can definitely tell when a person last showered, to the nearest hour.
If someone has an evening shower they will definitely be sweaty and stinky by morning. But are morning showerers, smelly and offensive on their commute home....? (Since there might be a similar time gap....) maybe compulsory lunch time showers are the answer?

Anyone who works FT and has no family support, and 3 under 5s, should easily be able to find time to exercise if they get up at 4am to go to the gym/for a run.

Everyone should enjoy months and months including summer, where it's 12-15°C, grey, blowing a gale and pissing with rain, they just need decent waterproofs to go on lots of bracing walks with toddlers, teens, dogs and everyone else!

But when September comes everyone must stay in and hibernate get blankets and candles out, drink hot chocolate and embrace hygge and feeling cosy.