People dropping out of my 40th on Sat. Should I cancel?

[sellotape12]

Hi this is sensitive and upsetting so please - don't come for a fight.
I'm 40 on Friday and have booked a catered bar thing for 28 friends. Invitations were sent out and people RSVP'd yes so I ordered catering and drinks accordingly. There's a minimum spend which I'll need to cover if it doesn't get spent - all normal. With 6 days to go, about eight of the 'yes' are now becoming 'no'. Not sure if there'll be more. At what point do I cancel it all?
Or how can I re-frame my thinking that a smaller thing will be just as nice (although might be expensive for me as I'll have to cover cost now) ?

Gosh I wish people wouldn't flake. It's a big birthday milestone not an in-between one. It's making me think I'm not important and feeling a bit down!
How would you re-frame this in your mind, or with your practical head on?

@coffeeafter I'm presuming yea. I guess they were sat drinking with people invited and decided to tag along.

could you maybe use a different part of the venue, swallow the cost of the original but make it a bit more intimate?

Are the other 20 covering their own cost or are you ? Also if it’s a minimum bar spend I’d just invite more people.

If they don’t want to go, they don’t want to go. Making them
feel bad about it won’t change that. People
are allowed to change their minds about brings like this, and their reasons are nobody’s business.

Absolutely not. Who does this?! 😲🤦🏻‍♀️

20 is enough for a party 🎉, invite a few more if can think of anyone and have a great time

I had a milestone birthday and this happening was what worried me.
But then my lovely friend said the important people would be there.
The ones that want to share and celebrate with you.
I hope you have a wonderful time with your important people x

People don’t need to justify their absence. Jesus! 🤦🏻‍♀️ “sorry I can’t make it” is all you need to know.

Can I come? It sounds lovely 😊

I would definitely drop a WhatsApp message to confirm numbers, and make it know you need to know for bar numbers or you may need to cancel. This time of year the weather and lots of illnesses going around doesn't help. I hope you have a lovely birthday 🎉

@J3nnyFromTheBlock when it’s something important like a wedding or a milestone birthday where you have already said you would come you absolute do have to justify your absence. It is so unbelievable rude, unkind and indicative of not giving a shit about the relationship to just not come and not even say why, or offer up a pathetic reason - sometimes you just have to make the effort for other people, why is that so hard to understand?

I feel for you. I had my 60th this year. (At home..) Sent out 20+ invites but specifically said ‘RSVP as catering needs finalising.’ I do understand when one said she couldn’t come because of Covid, but only 2 people in total replied as they should have. So, I had to guess at final numbers. I catered for 10 in the end and if anyone turned up expecting a lovely buffet and hadn’t RSVP’d I would have told them why. As it was in my new home there was only seating for 8 (the numbers fluctuated between 8 and 12 as some people left early and others arrived later. Well actually, I told some not so close friends to come 2 hours later.. no food 😉) Sadly I think people are very flaky these days. I usually celebrate the decades, but don’t think I will bother in 10 years time, except perhaps a sit down meal in a restaurant and it doesn’t matter if they don’t show..
I hope you have a great time regardless. But as others have said, maybe time to be thinning the Christmas Card list!

Oh god don't do this! It's social suicide and there's no way people are going to pay for an event they aren't attending.

Sorry but if my husband left me at home with a broken arm to go to a party I would be furious. When I had a broken arm years ago I couldn't do anything as only had one hand and needed help with everything, you can't even open a bottle with one hand. I really don't think this classes as a shit excuse.

Just invite others and say it was last minute, you know who your real friends are

I didn't even realise adults had birthday parties.
The last birthday party I had was my 18th and I have never been to a birthday party for anyone over 18.
I couldn't even tell you what I did on my 40th birthday.
Either just go ahead with the people who are still planning to attend or cancel and just do something with either close family / friends.

You're a beautiful person ❤️

@MystyLuna how sad for you

You don’t. Giving notice is obviously polite (if possible) but nobody has the right to know your personal business.

Op any update? Did you speak to the venue?

@J3nnyFromTheBlock I just completely disagree. If we are close enough that I have invited you to a social event then we are close enough for you to tell me that a situation has occurred - you don’t need to go into the ins and outs if you really don’t want to but letting someone know you have had a “family emergency” or “been taken seriously ill” is not unreasonable

But people can cancel plans for any reason at all. 🤷🏻‍♀️ It’s not for you to decide what’s a valid reason. You sound like hard work.

@J3nnyFromTheBlock again, I disagree. If you have committed to attend something important and you care about that person then you make the effort to go regardless of whether or not you feel like it, barring some actual emergency or drama. I’m not hard work, I care about the feelings, time and money of my friends. You sound like you are probably one of these awful flakes.

You sound very rude @J3nnyFromTheBlock

@MakeItRain26 is not hard work at all, she just has basic manners.

But their reason is none of your business. Why would you need to know the ins and outs of why they can’t be there. You just need to know they can’t make it. That’s it.