Fired due to my personality

[Underyourthumb]

I started a new job 3 weeks ago and I thought all was going well until I got called into a meeting yesterday at 3pm. They told me that while I am pleasant and polite, I’m not very bubbly. This is a receptionist position in a dentist. One of the things that they said was “the girl we saw at the interview… we haven’t seen her since” l was trying not to get upset by this remark because I had no idea they felt this way and I thought all this time I WAS acting the same. I mean of course I’m going to be over the top and chatty and putting my best self out there at the interview because I’m trying to sell myself. But I am ALWAYS so happy and smiley and upbeat when patients come in. I have worked in customer service/hospitality and reception jobs for years and have always received such positive feedback regarding my demeanour and pleasantness so I am just so confused. They are saying they were hoping I would be more out there and bubbly and have a laugh with the patients. But I do try to do this with the ones who actually seem like they want to chat. Most of them don’t want to chat to the receptionist at the dentist… they just want to be checked in and take a seat. I’ve never been to a doctors or dentists where the reception team are the life and soul of the party and have chats with the patients.They have other things to be doing. I may ask them how their day is or if I’ve built a rapport with them already I might say “oh how’s your back now, are you feeling better since last time?” Etc.. I’m not miserable or anti social. But they want MORE. I am so so upset because it feels like such a personal attack on my personality rather than me not being good at the job. They don’t like me because of me and im trying not to let it hurt my feelings but it’s making me now second guess how I act. I’m definitely not bubbly and loud and outgoing, which it’s obviously what they’re after. But I can do the job well, and I am personable and friendly and professional and this is just a massive slap in the face. To lose my job over my personality is devastating!

Has anyone experienced this? How can I pick myself up? I feel like absolute shit about myself.

But they just hired her so if they wanted glamour then she must have looked right

Sounds like their issue. Not yours. You would be professional with clients not bubbly I would have thought. Completely different with colleagues. I wonder if they have someone else lined up for the job??

Bloody hell - it might not feel like it now, but I think you've had a lucky escape. Many other employers would be delighted to have you working for them.

Bloody hell that's awful and ridiculous. So sorry OP. They might have another reason... sometimes there is. Maybe a previous person wants to come back to the job or they realised they can't afford that particular arrangement etc. May be more to it than meets the eye as indeed does seem odd. Either wat horrible for you but sounds like this is very much them having the issue and not you!

Good luck finding another job xxxx

I didn't say they did want glamour.

I was talking about my dentists where they now do.
I was talking about a scenario where the qualities of the staff hired are not necessarily to do with competence to do the job but with superficial appeal. Requiring staff to be " bubbly" is requiring a form of superficial appeal nothing to do with competency to do the job well.

My God. I'm disgusted on your behalf. I've not read the full thread, but please give ACAS a call to get some advice. Even if you're on probation, they still can't fire you for things which are discriminatory, eg for skin colour or sex (not sure bubbly would count as sexism, but it might).

Whatever you do, please do not let this affect how it sees yourself. They are a disgrace and you should be disgusted by them, not let it change how you view yourself. I bet you are lovely, good at your job, and I'm sure you have a lovely personality. Do not let the bastards make you see yourself as any less than you did when you took the job.

Op you sound lovely - I’m so sorry this has happened. This sounds like a it’s not you it’s them situation

Indeed, when was the last time a man was told that they need a 'bubbly boy' for the job he wants!

She can’t, she had only been there three weeks. You need 104 weeks unbroken service to be able to claim unfair dismissal unless the dismissal is down to protected characteristics under the equality act. Might be worth a word with ACAS to see if it could be sex discrimination but l think even that would be difficult to prove - especially if they hire another female in OP’s place.

Agree. They sound insufferable 😖

If you're going to give employment advice, at least make it accurate and not misleading! This is a case of discrimination, so saying the OP doesn't have a case is plain wrong. And it doesn't matter if they replace the OP with another woman, that misses the point t entirely. This is my post from up thread

this is clear-cut discrimination. You are protected from day 1 against sexist language like "girl" (humiliating, infantalising), "bubbly" (misogynistic, a male employee will never be called "bubbly").

I'd get a solicitor involved if I were you, to seek their advice with all the facts. Submit a grievance in writing objecting to your dismissal and cite the words above. You may find they make you a compensatory offer when they realise you could take them to Tribunal for this.

Sorry OP that's really awful.

Occasionally it does happen to men although probably nowhere near as often.

DS (who is neurodivergent) once went for a a trial shift at a new craft beer bar. Craft beer is one of his big interests and he's quite knowledgable about it.

I mistakenly built it up for him saying I'm sure you'll be a great fit. They didn't end up hiring him - telling him he wasn't smiley or bubbly enough. He told me when he got back they were probably hiring the young girls he was sharing the trial with but he couldn't be like them.

It really knocked his confidence because he thought his interest and knowledge would count for something but I guess they just wanted people who are outgoing and 'bubbly'.

Try not to let it get you down OP and look for somewhere where you are appreciated.

No it’s not a new role, they were replacing the old receptionist that left. I honestly just think they didn’t like me. I’m not massively into social media, but they’re always doing daft TikTok’s and things and you had to sign an agreement to be in them. I didn’t sign it because honestly I just don’t want to do it. They never mentioned this part of the job in the interview, and it wasn’t in the job description. They only presented it to me after I had started. I don’t mind being in some videos and if it was an absolute requirement of the job then I guess I’d do it, but seeing as they said I don’t HAVE to be, I politely declined to sign it. I’m not miserable or moody or anything, honestly. I love a laugh with my colleagues and can pretty much talk to anybody about anything. I try to be upbeat and positive while at work etc, and I know how to be professional. I guess I just wasn’t the right fit for what they want. They want someone out there who is going to make silly TikToks and chat to all the customers about their lives and constantly be laughing and joking like a performing monkey. But at the end of the day, the reason for letting me go isn’t to do with my abilities, it’s to do with me as a person. And it stings

Thanks everyone for your comments, I really appreciate them. It seems everyone is in agreement about the word bubbly, and yes that was the exact word they used more than once. It’s just confusing to me because I have been in front of house roles since the age of 17 and am very confident with the public etc and have always had such positive feedback. So it’s been confusing, but this thread has made me feel much more reassured.

It's almost definitely over their batshit tiktok agreement that you didn't sign.
Obvs not as optional as they made out.

You're not a good fit for the role, and that is not a poor reflection on you. By the time you start your next role you'll be glad your time there ended quickly.

A receptionist should be polite, smile, be helpful and most importantly be professional! You are clearly showing good communication skills, empathy towards patients and engaging with regular patients. I don't see what more personality a receptionist needs to show, to be honest. They're a dental practice! You're not a hostess in a bar or a club!! It seems to me the 'bubbly' they are looking for, would be better placed in a bar or club! Don't be disheartened, they are being completely unreasonable and quite honestly pathetic. This is 2024, you shouldn't have to behave like a 'dolly bird' from a bad 70s game show by being 'bubbly' or some kind of 'show piece' only there to promote the expensive cosmetic procedures on offer!! You will find a better job, with another company who is far more professional.

Bloody hell op, well that was why then. What an absolute joke. My mum was a dentist and I can guarantee that she’d be appalled by this jackass behaviour. FFS.

Reading half way down I wanted to reply....
WTF, did they want you to juggle or something?!

Then I read your post about TikToks etc. That's EXACTLY what they wanted!!

Fuck them and their bubbly bullshir! You are better off out of there!!

I think it’s definitely declining being filmed. It might be difficult to film around you, plus I assume they don’t have hundreds of employees so having one not participate would reduce their social media footprint.

They absolutely should have raised SM presence / participation in the interview but I’ve noticed that people who let it all hang out online tend to assume that everyone either does the same or would be delighted to get the chance to do so when offered.

It’s not that I wouldn’t have done any videos, it wasn’t like if you don’t sign it that means you don’t participate at all. It just means you have the right to say no. If you sign it then that means they’re allowed to just film you and include you in their content and I didn’t want to agree to that. I wanted to be able to choose as and when the video idea came up, if you see what I mean. I get that it’s just a laugh and I can have a laugh at work and can make fun of myself etc but I just didn’t feel comfortable signing it when I didn’t have to. And for TikTok participation to be more important than job competency is just silly

I find it so weird that a dentistry practice would want to do silly tiktoks all the time, but I guess that's their marketing strategy. Wouldn't attract me as a customer.

These places make a lot of money by offering botox, fillers, lip enhancements etc.. They are trying to appeal to the TikTok generation

There's a lot of truth in this. I was told by a very successful businessman that 60% of success in a business depended on whether you were liked. Someone didn't like you, . Y Uo didn't fit in

Oh, I completely agree with your reasons for not signing - I have minimal online presence and I’d never sign such an agreement myself (or do the TikToks for that matter).

The problem is, it sounds like to them full social media participation is a big part of the job. You see it as an ‘extra’ that should be irrelevant because you are competent at the actual job.

Unfortunately, I think they see it as the job (or at least a big part of it) - and you’ve told them you don’t want to do much of what they’ve hired you for (or at least you intend to pick and choose). ‘Bubbly’ seems to be code for ‘Kim Kardashian is my idol - bring on the cameras’.

Please note, I’m not agreeing with this attitude - just suggesting that’s their thinking.

They should absolutely have made it clear that this job requires significant online presence but, as I said, people like this tend to assume everyone wants to be an influencer and will be delighted to extend their audience (which they probably assume already exists).

I’m pretty sure they decided to fire you the minute you didn’t sign the form. I bet the next person will have it as part of their employment contract.

I’m a little surprised that with the office culture you describe, you didn’t realise that ‘optional TikTok participation’ was a polite fiction and it was actually required.

It really needs to be stated upfront in the advert and during the interview process. At least then they would get the type of candidates they clearly want.