Fired due to my personality

[Underyourthumb]

I started a new job 3 weeks ago and I thought all was going well until I got called into a meeting yesterday at 3pm. They told me that while I am pleasant and polite, I’m not very bubbly. This is a receptionist position in a dentist. One of the things that they said was “the girl we saw at the interview… we haven’t seen her since” l was trying not to get upset by this remark because I had no idea they felt this way and I thought all this time I WAS acting the same. I mean of course I’m going to be over the top and chatty and putting my best self out there at the interview because I’m trying to sell myself. But I am ALWAYS so happy and smiley and upbeat when patients come in. I have worked in customer service/hospitality and reception jobs for years and have always received such positive feedback regarding my demeanour and pleasantness so I am just so confused. They are saying they were hoping I would be more out there and bubbly and have a laugh with the patients. But I do try to do this with the ones who actually seem like they want to chat. Most of them don’t want to chat to the receptionist at the dentist… they just want to be checked in and take a seat. I’ve never been to a doctors or dentists where the reception team are the life and soul of the party and have chats with the patients.They have other things to be doing. I may ask them how their day is or if I’ve built a rapport with them already I might say “oh how’s your back now, are you feeling better since last time?” Etc.. I’m not miserable or anti social. But they want MORE. I am so so upset because it feels like such a personal attack on my personality rather than me not being good at the job. They don’t like me because of me and im trying not to let it hurt my feelings but it’s making me now second guess how I act. I’m definitely not bubbly and loud and outgoing, which it’s obviously what they’re after. But I can do the job well, and I am personable and friendly and professional and this is just a massive slap in the face. To lose my job over my personality is devastating!

Has anyone experienced this? How can I pick myself up? I feel like absolute shit about myself.

Ugh. Blessing in disguise, then, I'd say.

well there's your answer. As another poster said, Fuck 'em.

Exactly. Same with mine.

Well to be fair you weren't fired for your personality, you were fired because you put on a ridiculous act in your interview which you couldn't keep up in the actual role you were hired for.

But I agree with everyone who says that it shouldn't be a requirement of a dentist's receptionist to be "bubbly" and that is also ridiculous.

I hope you find another job with a better employer soon.

Highly doubt that was the actual reason, it's just what they said to you.

This is ridiculous behaviour on their part, properly disgraceful and it is beyond inappropriate to expect anyone to live up to whatever idea they have in their mind. However, is genuinely no point in dwelling on it or even calling them out. You’re not their mother, and as with romantic partners it’s always advisable to leave in such a way that makes them wonder if they have made the right decision.
I will say this, there is a good chance that they have someone else they want to give the job to and that’s the reason they are making up this nonsense. However, whenever someone insults, critiques, or treats you poorly in my opinion it’s a good habit to reflect on if there could possibly be some truth in it, however small that truth may be. If you do this you will be able to transform horrible situations like this into something very useful. For example, although the “bubbly” comment is utter nonsense, it might be useful to think about why they chose that in particular.

Could you be more proactive maybe? Or maybe more assertive? Do you come across as anxious or uncertain. No idea what it is, but if you can think about it objectively you will get a lot out of this experience by being fired at this point than if you had stayed there for 5 years. It really does sound like you dodged a bullet, smile sweetly get what you can from it and move on to somewhere better.

@Underyourthumb this is clear-cut discrimination. You are protected from day 1 against sexist language like "girl" (humiliating, infantalising), "bubbly" (misogynistic, a male employee will never be called "bubbly").

I'd get a solicitor involved if I were you, to seek their advice with all the facts. Submit a grievance in writing objecting to your dismissal and cite the words above. You may find they make you a compensatory offer when they realise you could take them to Tribunal for this.

"No good reason for firing you" is not a basis for a Tribunal action.

Discrimination against the protected characteristic of sex under the Equality Act (2010) most certainly is.

I think you just have to dust yourself off and move on - it sounds like you have done fine in public-facing roles before but maybe someone at the surgery just doesn't take to you and it's not worth dwelling on. You haven't done anything wrong, it's just that, whatever you are, there will always be someone who doesn't like you sometimes.

>they don’t have the right vibe and they’re big on personality there apparently because you have to be able to fit in with he team because “they are a family”.

This is where the problem lies. Someone else there does not like you. Maybe you aren’t gossipy enough, don’t divulge enough personal information, don’t want to go out for lunch with the girls - who knows?

The bubbly part is just an excuse to mask someone within the firm not instantly liking you.

I generally see bubbly people as a bit fake and annoying I also assume they are the types to cry themselves to sleep at night, when they are alone with the chatter in their head. That’s probably why they never shut up so they don’t have to think very deeply about anything.

Take it as a compliment.

Don't take it personally, if you can op. You're employer is stupid, and not recognizing that you are calibrating your friendliness based on how much you think the patients want to interact. It can be hard to engage endlessly with randos you know nothing about without it coming across as fake and too try hard. It sounds like you're awesome at your job.

They could have spoken to you about engaging more before firing you, but they didn't bc they are poor employers. It's also possible that they made the whole thing up in order to give your job to a friend or a relative.

Yes I had this in my very first job as a shy 17 year old . I was told by a slightly older girl that I would never make it as a dental nurse if I didn’t talk to the patients.
Well I got offered a much better paid job after a few months of being at the original place and got a bit of experience.
I sometimes think now I am older I would never treat a young shy trainee that way I would try to nurture and build up there confidence One month is nothing . The longer you stay and feel more sure of yourself the easier it would be to be chatty even to nervous patients. Now they made an issue of it would make you more self conscious. Shame you aren’t in a union. They sound like idiots !

It sounds like they are that type of family business you want to avoid. They want you to fit into their family dynamic, even though it's a workplace.

Sorry for the typos!

Very strange. Why does a dental receptionist need to be bubbly? Patients calling up in agony don’t care about someone bubbly they want someone calm and sympathetic.

Sounds like you've had a lucky escape.

Are you sure they don't have someone else up their sleeve? This seems mighty mean, especially since you are doing the job you are paid to do.

I would just sit there with white foam all around your mouth (shaving foam?).

Anyone who comes in, just explain that your employer's expectation that you be 'bubbly' has made you positively frothy!

(Muss up your hair as well so you look like you've got rabies).

My dentist retired so I had to move to local private one. They clearly insist on their receptionists being chatty and bubbly, and it’s awful. I reckon most people, especially parents, actually view the time in the dentist’s waiting room as a break, some head space, a chance to avoid demands. So when the receptionist at my dentist comes in to the waiting room to ask him how I am, if I’m having a nice day, going on holiday, ready for Christmas etc, I want to scream! It’s so intrusive and presumptuous.
So OP, if that’s what they want, they’re making a mistake, and you’re well out of it.

Couldn’t read this and not respond. First of all - I’m sorry, it does feel crap. Like a personal
rejection. I’ve had this happen, years and years ago. First job after uni and for similarly personal reasons. I look back on it and think it was actually the best thing that could have happened in that situation, because it wasn’t right for me, and I wasn’t right for it either. Two things will help you move past it - reframing and manifestation. The reframing part is about understanding that whilst it feels disproportionately hurtful, it’s simply that it wasn’t the right fit. You need to frame it that having this happen early on in your employment is/was actually a good thing, because if things went on and they started giving you negative feedback about your personality, it would have been demoralising for you, potentially even more hurtful and it could have affected your confidence and happiness for months and months.
The manifestation part is finding a positive sentence that you can say to yourself when you find your mind drifting back to the scenario. Something like “I am confident in myself and I am where I need to be” or “things are always working out for me.” I know it might sound twee but it’s comforting. Try listening to Elizabeth Day’s ‘Best Friend Therapy’ podcast, she has one on professional rejection that you might find comforting and relatable.

You seem like you are articulate and very self-aware and that is a real asset, regardless of your future career.

If being overly ‘bubbly’ feels fake or forced to you, then maybe something in more of a property, finance or professional services field might be better suited to your personality. Receptionists in these fields tend to be a bit more demure and restrained. Sounds like a better fit for you.

Hold your head up high, this just wasn’t the one for you. I think something great will come along for you! 💐

This is ridiculous, I've never come across a "bubbly" receptionist at the dentist or doctors. Like you pointed out, most people don't want to make a conversation, they just want someone to be polite and professional and check them in. It sounds like an excuse, and sorry this has happened to you, but I'm sure in time you'll reflect on this and realise that you are better off not working for a business like this.

Sorry to hear this, OP. Were your bosses male?

@Underyourthumb you made a mistake, you thought you were employed as a receptionist but you were meant to act as a sales person persuading patients they needed lots of private, cosmetic procedures. That's my assessment, I think they misrepresented the role.

Very interesting to read all the posts about dental practices being bought over by glossy-fixated chains. The exact same thing has happened to the practice I attend. The previous dentist in charge was highly respected, and locally top of his profession. He retired and the new crew have got rid of all the sensible efficient receptionists and replaced them with much younger, overly made-up women who are pleasant enough but they make mistakes( including terrible grammatical errors in written communication). It does not inspire confidence at all. I’d prefer someone like you, OP, to greet me - not some “bubbly” TikTok type.