Ever met someone you later learned had done something really bad? **Content warning: thread contains mentions of child abuse**

[user2848502016]

Just asking because a few months ago someone I worked with suddenly stopped coming to work... then we found out he had been found guilty of possessing child porn 😬
He hadn't been working with us for long so didn't know him that well but he just seemed like a nice, slightly boring middle aged man! I know you can't ever tell by looking at someone but it just made me think anyone I know could be doing anything behind closed doors.....

Thread titled edited by MNHQ to add a content warning

Most sex offenders with offences against children will be on a shpo though , it's not going to stop them coming in contact with children in daily life eg walking down the street but it can include talking to children, living near a school, working with children. It depends what the individual shpo says

Most, but not all. It's certainly not automatic and without the order, there are no conditions.

Me too. 'Porn' incites consent and willingness. It is abuse. I wish the term 'child pornography' wasn't a thing 😢

Oh my, I was following the story from back home, before knowing I'll move to UK about 10 years later. I forgot his name and googled him now, I was shocked, remembering the story. Ironically, I named my little one Ian. It means 'the Lord is gracious.'

I was fascinated too. The only thing with vigilante justice for Nazis (like any extra judicial action by a citizen) is that they'd have to be really, really sure it was the right German they were executing....

I think they did do their research quite carefully. I can't feel sorry for the Nazis that were killed after the war. Justice caught up with some of them in the end. Probably more than we know about. The ones that got away and lived in the sunshine = galling.

Shoot. One is bad, but 5! I would question myself if I managed to know 5 of them.

I think stealing the money is the lowest crime in this thread. I agree is not the right thing, but at least no one was hurt.

Years ago,as a teenager I used to earn cash for babysitting

I got a job working with a family and my friend got her job working with friends of 'my' family (we where both about 14)

Both sets of parents where very heavy drinkers-every single night they went out and got pissed

My friend and I would sometimes swap familes if one couldn't do that day/night

One boxing day,I couldn't do it and my friend agreed to babysit for 'my' family while the parents went out at lunchtime

They where due back about 4 ish and about 4:10pm she heard a loud bang and a scream just outside and rushed outside

The dad to 'my' family had got pissed,had a row with another bloke in the pub and in a temper,got in his car and drove it at the bloke he'd fallen out with

Killing him outright-my friend cradled him as he died in the road

The wife was arrested but let go without any charges and moved away with the kids within a fortnight

You would never have believed the dad could have done it-he was such a nice,quiet,unassuming bloke,but I guess the alcohol changed him into a monster

He got life and as far as I'm aware,he's still in prison

First boyfriend killed someone as a teenager- death by dangerous driving. He was speeding, think 36 in a 30 and an old person with dementia wandered into the road by a blind corner. He served a few years in a YOI. I still think that he’s a nice person who did a stupid thing. I saw him after he had been released and he was full of remorse and had apologised to the victims family. They were incredible and said they didn’t want his life ruined by the incident.

What an ignorant comment. Going by this thread there are far more paedophiles than we are aware of. Well done on managing to turn it around on the poster though - sure isn’t it always the woman’s fault?

Well yes - a SHPO (sexual harm prevention order) would be needed.

However, most people who get a custodial sentence for an offence involving sexual abuse of children (images or otherwise) get given a SHPO by the court.

It sounds to me that the police showing up but not moving him on is them making it very clear they are keeping an eye on him.

You obviously have no idea how many there are , it's very likely you know just as many , even if it's the guy who lives a couple of doors down or someone through work

they may not have been caught yet Or they may be out living their lives and how would you know about it?

Yep and even without a custodial sentence they can be given a shpo, I've never seen anyone who is found guilty not be on one . Guess there's the ones that there's not enough evidence to prosecute though

Our neighbour is in prison for sexually abusing children (including his own) for years. And his wife stood by him when it went to court saying it wasn’t true!

Also found out someone we knew as kids who we all loved was abusing young boys, one of those boys then went on to abuse boys when he was older.

Some people can really fool you!

Donsyb, it's amazing how some of these people are able to hide in plain sight, for years, and have those around them really believing they are innocent. It has always happened. Sometimes even people who have been abused don't really believe it, even 'love' their abuser.

Sickening.

I'm so sorry that you and your family experienced a member doing something awful.
I'm glad you and your mum can talk about it. I m not sure other people can understand but your family know the hurt.

Actually I do think counselling might shed light on a process of my leaving any disturbing thoughts alone.
If there is one.

Thank you for posting messages for me.

@Ruthietuthie What was Shipman like??

Particularly since I’m a children’s social worker and very aware of the risks and impact of this abuse. Even with the experience I have through my work, it’s not like these abusers come with clear markings. They could literally be anyone.

Absolutely! It’s just so scary that there’s so many hiding in plain sight.

I think the Gisele Pelicot case really brought this to light as there were so many rapists, ready and willing, within a 3km radius.

I know people on the internet love to bang on about “not all men”, and of course it isn’t all men, but I think it’s far more of them than we realise.

@NoisyDenimShaker, I thought he was nice. A little odd, a bit stiff, maybe, seemed a little old-fashioned, but actually my parents liked him precisely because he was the more "old-fashioned" GP - always willing to do house visits if someone was sick. I mentioned in a previous post, that my mum used to visit a lot of old people's homes through her work for her church. All the workers at those homes also loved him, again because he was always willing to come out to do a home visit for their old ladies (which, in hindsight, is chilling).

This thread reminds me why i have trust issues! Jesus Christ 😨😨

I agree, you can't really know somebody isn't x,y or z. It makes relationships with men very difficult because so many are unstrustworthy.
I have chosen not to be involved with men ever again because I could not live with distrust and having to check up on him, know where he is at all times etcetera. I would find that extremely stressful. Staying single is really the only way to be sure to prevent the shock and horror of finding out your partner is not who you thought he was. Perverts, cheaters and abusers can be very sophisticated at fooling people. I like being single anyway, so it's no sacrifice. I do hope your husband continues to prove himself to be a normal, decent guy.

This is interesting - I have seen plenty be convicted and not given an order. Maybe it differs throughout the country.

ETA - actually, a SHPO can be made before conviction in Scotland if Police apply for it. A SOPO (Sexual Offences Prevention Order) is after conviction but there are still convicted (child) sex offenders who have no orders.

Well I'm not sure about NI but other than that no, we have the same justice system throughout the country,

I think you edited as I posted, yeah you don't need to be convicted to be put on a shpo , actually I lot of them are given in mags court and by the time they get up to Crown they've breached it

They can be put on a sor or if they are sentenced to prison time they may not be put on an order until they are released but its more usual to put an order in place before sentencing