Ever met someone you later learned had done something really bad? **Content warning: thread contains mentions of child abuse**

[user2848502016]

Just asking because a few months ago someone I worked with suddenly stopped coming to work... then we found out he had been found guilty of possessing child porn 😬
He hadn't been working with us for long so didn't know him that well but he just seemed like a nice, slightly boring middle aged man! I know you can't ever tell by looking at someone but it just made me think anyone I know could be doing anything behind closed doors.....

Thread titled edited by MNHQ to add a content warning

Discovered that someone I knew a bit who was a postman in a nearby area, was a paedophile, and was imprisoned. Seemed a nice quiet guy
But almost every report of a sudden murder by a husband/ boyfriend, includes an interview with neighbours surprised because he always seemed a nice quiet ma

True it's never the miserable person that no one likes!
These miserable people know humanity isn't worth it and can't be bothered with anyone.

Havingaswim, I hope there is.
As I said upthread, I've had a family member do something truly horrible, though nothing like as bad as your experience, so I do get to some extent how it can harm your ability to trust. I can talk to my mum, which helps-she finds it impossible to trust people now, which is v isolating for her, so I try to be optimistic about people. I am quite suspicious generally though. I haven't had counselling as I don't feel I need it, but I was able to talk to my mum, & also an organisation on abuse, Stop It Now, who helped a lot.
It's good you told your DH. If it's ok to ask, do you think speaking to a professional now would be helpful at all, or not? I get if you feel it wouldn't.

This case should have made that very plain. Being a bit eccentric or a loner is not a sign that you might be a murderer. https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-14339807

The landlord of landscape architect Jo Yeates has accepted "substantial damages" from eight newspapers over libel claims, his lawyer has said.
Christopher Jefferies, from Bristol, was suing the papers over articles published when he was arrested on suspicion of her murder last December.
He accepted an undisclosed sum and public apology, his lawyer said.
Miss Yeates' neighbour, Dutch national Vincent Tabak, 33, has admitted her manslaughter and awaits a murder trial.
Mr Jefferies, a retired teacher, was proven to be "entirely innocent", Attorney General Dominic Grieve has said.

Jeezo.

MN is hard work. There are some very literal people on here. Mind you, they probably find people who use language more flexibly hard work. That's why MN is so amazing - where else would you have dialogue like this?

@GiRaFfeNeSs

Pornography means both parties gave consent.

It really doesn't. And it's quite shocking that so many people on here seem to think that it does.

Think on modern slavery, trafficking, abuse of vulnerable adults, people being drugged and filmed without their consent.

@Alltheyearround thank you for that recommendation, I have watched it today. Fascinating documentary, I can completely understand why they would take justice into their own hands.

@almondmilk123
What a weird way to think and treat a partner.

I commented upthread. Thought I was the only one to notice how utterly controlling this is on the posters’ part. If I insisted on this level of intrusion into my partners’ private life, the relationship would have ended long ago.

There’s a fantastic drama on My5 about the case. Made me angry watching it because the police and everyone involved seemed to think poor Christopher Jefferies had done it purely because he was considered ‘odd’.

But how would you even know this ? After her release from prison, Carr moved into a safe house and was granted lifelong anonymity as well as being given a new identity. If you know this for a fact then the programme is worth nothing is it ?

Age of consent to consensual sex is 16. But agree - pornography of any kind is not necessarily consensual.

And I’ve heard this urban myth about PS about a hundred times on various forums.

@Rosscameasdoody just passing on what I know. It's a small village, and it was widely known. She's no longer there

Sorry but that’s exactly what many posters were insinuating. And a few of them were directed at me because I had the temerity to point out that posts were being dragged up from a couple of days ago simply to challenge them repeatedly , and that it was derailing the thread. I was accused of objecting to child protection. I agree it’s an awful way to describe it, but the term child pornography is in the public consciousness and it’s going to take a while to change that. There are an awful lot of stories about actual child abuse on this thread and the pile on about the language used to describe it was detracting from that. And we’re on page 32 - very near the end of the thread, and it’s still being dredged up from posts a couple of days ago in order to repeat what’s now been said a hundred times. Never seen a derail like it on MN.

I'm sure when the government spend hundreds of thousands on giving someone a new identity, the first port of call is to give them a police escort into their new address in a small village (notoriously gossip-free places), which wouldn't raise suspicions at all 😅

And given that he has dementia and is elderly what would it achieve ?

Why ? Just because someone has dementia doesn’t mean all of their memory has gone - it mainly affects short term memory and lots of sufferers, like my 93 year old mother have intact long term memory. Might also interest you to know that capacity comes and goes. I have LPA for my mum and before I make any decision on her behalf I have to make sure that as far as possible I do this at a time when she is mostly likely to be able to contribute to that decision. Dementia doesn’t mean doolally !!

Doesn't matter what the age of concent for sex is, its 18 for images

We used to take our daughter to baby ballet, and there was a nice, friendly couple who came weekly with their two year old too, all seemingly normal. We were incredibly shocked when it turned out they had broken up but he didn't accept it, he had tied up her and her friend, murdered her and then killed himself (the friend got away and raised the alarm), leaving their poor two year old an orphan. The maternal grandmother brought her back to class after a while, presumably for a bit of continuity in her life, and it was just so sad. You would never have guessed he was capable of that.

Consent even

Just as aside to the discussion about the uni lecturer.

They don't often require dbs because they are working with over 18's and they aren't considered vulnerable adults. So regardless of whether people think he should or shouldn't be teaching - he likely wouldn't be barred from doing so at a uni via a dbs.

almond, I read your other thread. I haven't had time to comment yet, I have a lot of sympathy, you seem to be having a very hard time. However, the reactions you described were extreme, and knowing all your husbands' pass codes falls under that. Being suspicious is natural when so many people can know an abuser & have no idea, but that has crossed from suspicious to controlling.

Not necessarily the case. They need to be subject to a specific order with conditions attached to it. If they aren't subject to an order, there is nothing stopping them from being in the vicinity of children, accidentally or otherwise 😣