Would you be happy with a stranger giving your DC a lift?

[friendsofatune]

12 year old, Year 7.

School is on the edge of nearby village. Bus turned up and drove off without stopping, despite him standing there

Woman saw what happened when getting in her car, asked if he was okay (he was crying), and said she would drive him

Journey was 5/6 minutes long. About 50/60 minutes if walking it.

Is this overstepping the mark and scary behaviour that a complete stranger would do this?

I'd drive a distressed child home and they would have nothing to fear from me.

This! It was a kind thing to do for an upset child, i am surprised at some of the responses on here to be honest. The fact that you were even considering tracking her down and giving her a telling off for this is utterly bizarre, op.

Personally, I'd have been grateful to this woman. I would have been far more concerned about the safety issues of my 12 year old having to walk a 60 minute rural route to school in poor weather. I would think statistically, there is much more likelihood that he could be injured en route than kidnapped by a well meaning woman with a child.

Perhaps this woman was in a rush and didn't have time to faff around in poor weather, with a toddler, trying to get hold of a school (whose phones, in my experience, are always engaged at that time in the morning) or parents (who your child said he was unable to contact). So instead, she offered to drive him the 5 minute journey, knowing her intentions were good, rather than leaving him vulnerable and stranded.

I think your focus should be more on how you can ensure your son doesn't end up in this vulnerable situation again, rather than trying to make someone feel bad for helping your distressed child. What would you expect your son to do in this situation? Have you made a plan with him if he ever finds himself stranded/lost and unable to get hold of you? If not, then I think you are the one at fault here, not a well meaning stranger who saw an upset, stranded older child and tried to help. My advice to my children has always been to seek help from a family or a mother with a child, so I think your son made the best choice in a bad situation.

I think it's really sad that you are considering contacting tthis woman to make her feel bad for helping your distressed, stranded child, rather than thanking her for getting him safely to school. It's things like this that make people reluctant to help others and creates the 'walk on by' culture that we seem to be increasingly creating for ourselves.

You should have your child’s (and the school’s) number on Emergency Bypass, so even if your phone is on silent it will ring if they call.

Nowhere do you mention finding out the woman’s details to get her details to lodge a massive complaint with the bus company. They failed as well

My DC walked home from school aged 9 and 6. The golden rule was that they mustn’t accept lifts from anyone at all - not even the neighbours or friends they did play dates with. I explained to parents that it was the only way I could keep them safe and please don’t offer. No young person should be accepting lifts, however short, from strangers. In this case he was lucky.

I'd put this down to you and think he had a luxky escape if you are anything but happy that he took the lift. My stranger danger warnings were always as specific to women, even with DC as to the stereotype. You felt he was ready to make that journey.

yabvvvu to be annoyed at a woman who did something kind. Speak to your son or answer your phone next time

I actually thought this could be about me for a second, but the details/dates don’t match up and slightly different situation, but yesterday I gave a lift home to my daughter’s friend. I had originally refused when first asked a week ago, as neither this girl or her parents know me, but I was asked again by my daughter yesterday. I said I’m more than happy to (it’s a good 15min drive or an hour for her on the bus), but would her mum really be ok with her getting in the car with me? She said he mum really won’t mind as long as she gets home safely. So I went with it this time as I had met her a few times by this point and is a lovely girl (still not the mum though). I went up to the front door with her and my daughter and introduced myself so she knew I wasn’t some random weirdo just offering lifts. Her mum seemed ever so grateful (she can’t drive due to illness). I don’t think I would just offer a completly random child who id never met before though, as that would be very odd in my opinion, but I get this lady was just trying to help your son. I understand it’s a worry so personally I would maybe try to track her down and discuss it wasn’t really appropriate, but try not to be too harsh as she was just trying to do a nice thing and clearly felt bad for your son.

To me that feels different as the other child presumably knew yours. The mum of a schoolmate is different to me, than just a random person.

But that isn’t the post is it?

Your son missed the bus.
Someone offered to help and he took their offer, why? Because you had your phone on silent and wasn’t responding to him when he needed you! Stop trying to make out that this other person did anything wrong.

If you are that concerned you should be talking to your child about taking like lifts with strangers and paying better attention to your phone.

If you are going to go on social media you should probably be doing it to thank the woman who gave him a lift when he was upset and stranded.

Some of the responses here are so sad - what a world we live in where a woman is berated because she tried to help a distressed child. Yes, there are nasty people in the world but really - the likilhood of this happening is extremely rare. Your son used his wits and made the best decision in those circumstances. I do hope you reach out to this lady - to thank her for caring.

you are hilarious! I'm a feminist and certainly don't need a MAN to back me up. Like a sensible posted suggested, he was indeed the only other adult within earshot. I could have asked the cats but they're very young, rather stupid and both male.

Also, you have missed my point rather oddly. My point was, and it can be borne out statistically, that unfortunately, the vast majority of harm that comes to children is at the hands of people who are known to them (eg not strangers) and yes of course the vast vast majority of those people are men. Obviously.

God I did this once when I saw a boy about 12/13 broken down with his bicycle by the road. I have a discovery so I could put his bike in the back and had my young son with me at the time. I dropped him home and pulled his bike out of my car, drive was about 6/7 minutes. I’d thought I was helping, didn’t think much of it to be honest. It was a few years ago and I think I told him to message his mum what I was doing but I never checked he sent it or she replied.

This!

No. I'd drive home a distressed child who'd missed their bus and was crying although I'd get them to ring their parents first if possible and get permission/ give my reg number“

This

Poor woman was trying to help your struggling child, and in fact did help him, and you just want to slag her off. What a sad attitude.

But the problem was the child couldn't get through to their parent. They weren't picking up

OP you still haven't said what you think would be the right thing to do

Please tell us.

You had your phone on silent. No one could get hold of you.

Should the woman have driven away leaving a crying child by the side of the road? What if the next person who stopped was not so kind?

What is your view of the correct course of action?

This. I tell mine, if all appropriate avenues and authorities fail, look for a mum with kids. Stranger danger yes, but come on, let's not pretend a passing mum with a toddler is likely to present any harm to a boy of twelve.

Also, someone's DH's smug point about most abuse being in the home is completely irrelevant to the situation. It's like saying "why avoid dark alleyways when most sexual violence happens in intimate relationships". Doesn't make the alleyway any safer.

I have a son the same age, newly started at high school.
He wouldn’t have started crying about missing a bus, that’s not to say yours shouldn’t have but by crying he has shown that he felt ill equipped to deal with something happening outside of the norm.
We’ve gone through the various scenarios of what can potentially go wrong, he has not just my number but his aunties/uncles grandparents etc and knows if I don’t pick up, to work through the list. He knows the route to take to walk (similar walking distance to yours) and how to get to other safe places ie family members houses.
I am an anxious parent, have always told my kids to look for help if needed and no one else around by heading to a lady with children.
I don’t think the lady was wrong in offering a lift, and I certainly wouldn’t try and track her down to do anything but thank her profusely.
I don’t think my son would have got into the car because he would know that he would only have to phone and someone (family) would come to his rescue, but if he had I think my reaction would be to tell him not to do it again, but after reading this today I know what our conversation will be over dinner because I’m interested in what his thoughts will be.

The thing is when children are young we give them non negotiable rules in order to keep them safe...so never get in a car without mummy or daddy even if you know the person, only cross the road at the crossing, don't go near the iron, never accept food from strangers etc etc..this is because they can't tell the difference often between what's safe and what isn't. As we get older, we learn to risk assess situations and read the signs to decifer whether a choice is safe or not. The ops ds obviously did a quick mental risk assessment and decided a woman with a toddler would probably be no danger to him.

This.

Several people have asked why a 12 yo was crying. Because they were upset/panicked. Simple.

When I was young this would have been seen as someone decent being helpful. Is it not now?