Would you be happy with a stranger giving your DC a lift?

[friendsofatune]

12 year old, Year 7.

School is on the edge of nearby village. Bus turned up and drove off without stopping, despite him standing there

Woman saw what happened when getting in her car, asked if he was okay (he was crying), and said she would drive him

Journey was 5/6 minutes long. About 50/60 minutes if walking it.

Is this overstepping the mark and scary behaviour that a complete stranger would do this?

It's cultural to me. Before Sarah Payne, I would have thought it was a caring, good citizen thing to do. Not leaving a child in the lurch. She was kind to him. It's not weird depending on your cultural "lens".

Tricky one. But I think a lot of decent people would help a 12 year old lad crying in the rain. Bless him. In this instance she was right to offer and he was right to accept. His instinct was correct. It was fine.

You need to deflect your anger back at yourself, he couldn't get hold of you so he accepted help from another mother. I thought you were going to say your phone was in your work locker or something like that, but accidently on silent is a poor excuse.

The woman was being kind. You should talk to your child about not taking lifts off strangers as on this occasion he was lucky and she had good intentions, but next time they might not.

I have did once give children a lift to thier school two brothers and a sister when tgey missed the train that my own son had caught.>I did ask them to ring tgan text thier oarents with my name and reg.
I think it's a really kind thing tye stranger did ans prehaps your son just left lost tierd and couldn't face the walk , hence tge crying.Would you have been able to pick him up or order him an Uber.Maybe he just couldn't think straight.
I would jave a gentle word with him and suggest some alternatives to accepting a lift from stranger and explain it wasn't really a sensible thing to do but if he's offered a lift by an adult any adult known or unknown that wasn't prearranged to text thiername and address and reg numbee

Wow, what a great idea. Hunt her down, make sure she knows how wrong she was for doing your child a good turn. Definitely not up to you to educate your child or your child to not make risky decisions.

She can't "keep on" trying to help out your miserable son in the rain? When he tried to call you first but your phone was on silent?

You need to educate your son on what to do when he misses the bus and be available to him if he needs your help. You don't need to vilify this well meaning stranger.

It's a sad world when a mother can't go out of her way to help another mothers child because the psychopaths out there make us think the worst, and it's even sadder to think that your response to this woman's kindness is to publicly shame her and make sure that next time a child is in need, she'll feel awful and leave them to struggle.

My 11 year old would definitely cry in this situation as they cry when stressed out or temporarily panicked. Not sure why some posters think this is unusual.

I can see why they thought it was less risky being a mother and child and would be less alarmed however I would have the conversation not to get in a strangers car again which I'm sure you have. Don't think she overstepped the mark. Some people just genuinely want to help a distressed child and probably wouldn't think the worst automatically.

Hope your child is ok now 😃

You need to talk to this 12 year old, your the parent. Be calm but clear. Rosemary West and Myra Hindley were both in part there to make a situation seem safe we're they not? There is still kindness in the world but this sounds like a potentially serious situation.

@4405cd very rude condescending comment !what is so strange about a 12 year old child crying ? He was standing alone in the pouring rain he could have felt panicked .. and felt a bit scared ? Adults cry too you know .

I think that you're overreacting.

Statistics first.
The chances of meeting a predator are pretty slim.
The chances of that predator being a woman are miniscule.

It is not impossible that a woman, with or without a toddler in the back, is a predator but it's so remote it might as well be so.

Strangers are people too. She was presumably a mother and would have by dint of biology been almost unable to not have helped a lone crying child. Even a hulking year 12.

Even a childless, solitary man would have wanted to help. It's called being human. Back in the day - not that long ago - a person especially a child on their own was prey to all sorts and there weren't that many of us for the loss not to have been felt.

And your child got safely home.

It may have ended badly but it didn't.

Be grateful that strangers are people too

It would be extremely rare for a woman (real one that is) with a toddler to have any ill intent towards your DS.

This.

I found a boy at a bus stop getting bullied by 3 girls and told him to get in took him home rang the school reported the bullying. If I hadn't I would still be asking myself why I didn't.

I would be a slightly less concerned because it was a woman, but I'd be pretty concerned that my kid got in the car. The right thing for the lady to do would have been offered to phone you or someone else to come give your child a lift. But in the lady's position I might have done the same thing and just tried to help.

He should have gone back into the school and let them sort it out.

I wouldn't frighten him too much about what he did - he may become over anxious about situations he should be able to deal with if you allow him to come home alone on the bus. You need to build his confidence. If he was crying about missing the bus and did not know what to do, he was clearly upset and anxious about it. If this had happened going to school, he would have turned around and gone home. Just advise him to go back to school if he is left at the bus stop again.
Also - complain to the bus company.

I am returning to say I was in the wrong (no I didn't track her down and moan!).

I have also apologised to DS. And said his decision was actually very sensible, and I overreacted.

I left out the part that I have lost his baby brother to something completely unrelated to kidnapping. But the fear and guilt really overwhelmed me

Anyway, I was being massively OTT and he has since forgiven me for my 'Mum drama' as he called it

Parenting is hard. Things are imperfect. Sometimes things that are normally not an ideal choice are the best choice given the circumstances.
Good for you learning and being able to change your viewpoint

Sorry for your loss OP ❤️

You've experienced an enormous trauma, and the fear you must have experienced when thinking "what if" must have been horrific.

@friendsofatune so sorry to hear about your son. Makes you being on high alert more understandable.

He got in a car with a mum and her toddler. I think the biggest risk to him would be that they were involved in a collision. I would have offered too but would have tried to get hold of a parent first.

I’m confused why people are saying it’s weird that a 12 year old is crying; they are a CHILD fgs I’d hate to be your child if you find a 12 year old crying weird.

as for getting in the car, maybe just brush up on stranger danger ect. However I don’t think it strange she offered a lift she was just looking out for them. I’d actually do the same but offer to ring their parents first.

Why is it strange that he was crying ? He’s 12 fgs a CHILD! Not 20 flipping 12!

Everyone thought they were doing the right thing. I don’t think the woman did anything wrong. She is a mother herself, reading your comment about having a toddler in the car.

I just think it’s so sad that these days everyone is assumed to be everything but just kind and concerned. As she was a mother herself (or she’d just kidnapped someone else’s toddler and was busy kidnapping various children that day) she probably couldn’t in good conscience drive off and leave a young lad crying in the side of the road in the rain. As they say, no good deed…….