Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

Would you be happy with a stranger giving your DC a lift?

263 replies

friendsofatune · 03/10/2024 19:52

12 year old, Year 7.

School is on the edge of nearby village. Bus turned up and drove off without stopping, despite him standing there

Woman saw what happened when getting in her car, asked if he was okay (he was crying), and said she would drive him

Journey was 5/6 minutes long. About 50/60 minutes if walking it.

Is this overstepping the mark and scary behaviour that a complete stranger would do this?

OP posts:
MargaretThursday · 03/10/2024 20:08

@friendsofatune
I don't think crying is that unreasonable at 12yo.
He's got himself to the bus stop, and the bus driver has driven off without picking him up. He's probably worried he'll be in trouble for being late to school, worried that you'll be cross and think it was his fault and frustrated because he was there. He's also not sure what to do about it.
It's also on the back of his mind that this might happen again, and again.

Considering some of the things that MN-ters get upset "crying and shaking" about, I don't think crying because of that goes even halfway on the unreasonable scale.

But get him a phone so he can phone you if it happens again.

ThatsNotMyTeen · 03/10/2024 20:08

So he tried to phone you and made a risk assessment when he couldn’t get you that he’d be fine

I think rather than blaming the kind lady I’d be looking at yourself and your son’s parts in the situation

redtrain123 · 03/10/2024 20:09

He made a judgement call and you should respect him for that.

However, had I been the woman, I would made sure the boy tried to phone you (or his dad?) before offering the lift. If no reply, maybe another contact. Only if these failed would I then give a lift, especially if the boy was alone in a remote place, and no other bus was due.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

General education Secondary education
Alwaysyoudoyou · 03/10/2024 20:10

Anyone saying about the 12 year old crying being weird...I'm genuinely surprised! I can think of several times into my late teens and early 20's where I found myself in an unexpected fix and got emotional or a bit overwhelmed. And I'm known to be rather an unemotional/hardy soul!!! May have been tired, frustrated, unsure...all number of things! Could have been one of those days and this was just the cherry on the cake. Expecting 12 year olds to be universally resilient when faced with the unexpected feels like a bit of a stretch tbh.

DreamHolidays · 03/10/2024 20:11

As a parent, I’d propose a lift too tbh.
Esp if I knew that walking there would be 60mins long!

And I can understand your ds. The ‘find a family’ is what we tell our dcs when they are young. I’m sure he would have heard that advice too.

I think the only thing to do is to ask him to ring you instead. And have a back up plan if you can’t answer.
Knowing where you live what would it be? Go back home and wait? Walk? R8ng a friend?

RitzyMcFee · 03/10/2024 20:14

In fairness she didn't kidnap or murder him.

merrymelodies · 03/10/2024 20:15

No. Absolutely not, unless DC was in grave danger and there was no one else.

Lincoln24 · 03/10/2024 20:15

I don't think she did anything weird. If I saw a crying 12 year old I'd probably do the same for the sake of a 5-6 minute drive. Calling you would have taken just as long!

You should probably have a word with your son about what to do next time though.

forensicsnail · 03/10/2024 20:15

I think his behaviour was reasonable in the circumstances. But he needs to know what the back up plan is if he misses the bus and can't get hold of you. Who else should he call? Should he go back to school? Is there a later bus?

ThisOldThang · 03/10/2024 20:17

FS90 · 03/10/2024 19:58

Stranger things have happened.

Show quote history

There was a famous case in America where a serial killer used his nephew as bait. His nephew was terrified because he was forced to help dispose of the bodies and he knew that he'd be next.

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wineville_Chicken_Coop_murders

Wineville Chicken Coop murders - Wikipedia

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wineville_Chicken_Coop_murders

Lincoln24 · 03/10/2024 20:19

@ThisOldThang that was 100 years ago in another country, I don't think I'd lose much sleep over that happening.

Octavia64 · 03/10/2024 20:20

You need to sort out a back up plan with him.

The bus didn't pick him up, you say he phoned you but you didn't answer.

Had you practiced what you do in that situation?

It's not uncommon for busses to not turn up etc due to traffic so this will happen again,

MagentaRavioli · 03/10/2024 20:22

Oh dear - I could be that stranger. I dropped my son at the bus stop one morning and the bus just drove off leaving him and another kid from his school behind. Of course I then offered the other kid a lift as I had to drive mine to school. Didn’t occur to me that I was stranger danger.

kiwiane · 03/10/2024 20:22

I think he did the right thing to accept her offer of a lift in the circumstances.
You can talk to him about what to do if this happens again - should he go back to school and call you to let you know?

user2848502016 · 03/10/2024 20:23

No I wouldn't be happy at all.
I guess your DS felt safer with it being a woman but you never know.
Tell your DS he must never do that again.

RitzyMcFee · 03/10/2024 20:24

There was a famous case in America where a serial killer used his nephew as bait. His nephew was terrified because he was forced to help dispose of the bodies and he knew that he'd be next.

In 1926!

Comedycook · 03/10/2024 20:25

You really need to keep an eye on your phone and have it on loud, work permitting, if he's travelling to and from school alone.

Oh and have a back up plan if you don't answer. I've got teens, they know to call me first. If they can't get hold of me, they call dad. If he doesn't answer, they know to start calling round their aunts and uncle until someone picks up.

Tootsurly · 03/10/2024 20:28

FS90 · 03/10/2024 19:54

I’m sure she meant well but 1. It’s very odd that your 12 year old would crying about missing a bus and 2. It’s even more concerning that he would accept a lift from a stranger (assuming he did)

I don't think the crying is that odd. He must be only just 12 if he's in Year 7, and has only recently started at secondary school with probably a new journey to cope with. He probably just panicked and was worried about what to do next and about being late to school and getting told off.

JamesCricket · 03/10/2024 20:28

friendsofatune · 03/10/2024 19:57

The stranger had a toddler in the back so he took it as a 'safe' sign

He says how likely is it someone's mummy with the toddler in the car, is out to kidnap me? What are the chances?

Maybe she had kidnapped the toddler too?

AutumnTimeForCosy24 · 03/10/2024 20:30

friendsofatune · 03/10/2024 19:52

12 year old, Year 7.

School is on the edge of nearby village. Bus turned up and drove off without stopping, despite him standing there

Woman saw what happened when getting in her car, asked if he was okay (he was crying), and said she would drive him

Journey was 5/6 minutes long. About 50/60 minutes if walking it.

Is this overstepping the mark and scary behaviour that a complete stranger would do this?

overstepping? Overstepping TO OFFER someone a lift?

he could have said 'no thank you, my Dad will come for me' that's between you & him.

shes hardly a bloody threat, stalking kids at at bus stops where the driver doesn't stop.

Gid help us.

AutumnTimeForCosy24 · 03/10/2024 20:32

FS90 · 03/10/2024 19:54

I’m sure she meant well but 1. It’s very odd that your 12 year old would crying about missing a bus and 2. It’s even more concerning that he would accept a lift from a stranger (assuming he did)

He's a new year 7, it's not surprising he cried.

Wibblywobblybobbly · 03/10/2024 20:34

I imagine he's statistically more likely to get hit by a car walking home that distance than be murdered by a woman with her toddler in the car.

ladyflower23 · 03/10/2024 20:36

The chances of her being a serial killer/kidnapper out picking up kids with her toddler on board must be so miniscule that I would rate his risk assessment skills as being pretty good.

caringcarer · 03/10/2024 20:36

FS90 · 03/10/2024 19:54

I’m sure she meant well but 1. It’s very odd that your 12 year old would crying about missing a bus and 2. It’s even more concerning that he would accept a lift from a stranger (assuming he did)

This. Why didn't he ring you?

AutumnTimeForCosy24 · 03/10/2024 20:37

Putput · 03/10/2024 19:56

Crikey no, stranger danger! You never get into a car with a stranger. He should have known better fgs.

@Putput

A random woman who saw an unexpected event & an upset child.

'Stranger Danger'.

how 1970's of you.

strangers are NOT the biggest risk to children, especially a lone woman getting into her car after witnessing a driver going past a school child & not stopping & the child being upset.