Would you be happy with a stranger giving your DC a lift?

[friendsofatune]

12 year old, Year 7.

School is on the edge of nearby village. Bus turned up and drove off without stopping, despite him standing there

Woman saw what happened when getting in her car, asked if he was okay (he was crying), and said she would drive him

Journey was 5/6 minutes long. About 50/60 minutes if walking it.

Is this overstepping the mark and scary behaviour that a complete stranger would do this?

He would have been in much more danger from strangers left crying at the side of the road or walking an hour home on rural roads. Well done that lady. What would be the chances that the very rare lady predator would be putting her toddler in the car at that place at that time see him crying at the bus stop and take advantage of the situation? Much more likely some male much more common predator would drive past at some point see him in distress and grab him, but even that is extremely unlikely.

Brings back memories of my bus driving past and not stopping, I had to walk home down country lanes and got a rollicking for 'missing' the bus to boot.

Use it as a learning experience for you (phone on vibrate at least) and your son (what to do if his mother doesn't answer) but actually I would be pleased if my child had done the same thing in his position - assessed the risks and got a lift.

In the circumstances you describe OP I would be 100% happy with the decision my son had taken. You sound overly anxious and in your last post suggesting you track down the woman to give her a bollocking, you sound deranged.

Don't think this is a real post anymore as no one would react this way to someone helping out their child.

if i saw a little boy on the side of the road crying (12 is still little to me!) i wouldn’t be able to just drive on by.

i would be afraid someone with nefarious intentions would come along if i didn’t help tbh. he’s a small boy alone at a rainy bus stop and his mum isn’t answering the phone…

It boggles the mind that OP and some posters are so ridiculous about this. Risk assessment us an important life skill but there is this weird thing that happens with parents and children sometimes where somehow the very very tiny risk of danger from another person is considered more problematic than the risks that come with removing that risk - in this case the child walking in an unsafe manner as well as the emotional harm of feeling helpless and lost.

I will never understand it. 99.999999% of women with toddlers are NOT going to harm your child when they stop to offer a lift if they see that child crying at a bus stop while the bus disappears into the distance. Statistically, women with toddlers incase are NOT the group of people who are kidnapping 12 year old. I addition, the chances of that 0.00000000000001% of women who DO do this happening to.drive past your crying ds are pretty low.

I have not taught my children tp never talk to strangers. I don't want them growing up terrified. I have tried to teach them about appropriate behaviours, to be confident enough to run away and not worry about being "rude" if they feel uncomfortable etc. And absolutely that I'd they can't go into a shop or see a police officer, a woman with children is their nect best bet.

Sadly, I believe it. I have met people like this in real life.

You should be thanking this woman for taking care of your child, doing your actual job.
I think your son did fine, what did you actually expect him to do?
I would have been pretty ok if my child had done similar & appreciative to the person who helped them.

I agree with this so much. I can’t believe what I’m reading here.

This thread is insane.

I personally would stop and try to help. I would likely offer a lift too if high school age. But I would try to speak with their parents first, which is appears this lady tried to do?
But, no way in the world would I be ok with my kids accepting a lift.

If anything it's probably statistically safer to accept a lift from a woman with a toddler than a male police officer on his own who doesn't radio into say he's picked up a kid.

Unbelievable - OP you need to have a word with yourself.

@5475878237NC yes!

Given that you didn't answer your phone, what would you have preferred her to do @friendsofatune ?

@sorrythetruthhurts

you don't know your 'facts' ( and I'm not sure) but how many years do you have to go back to find someone who might have done this, compared to how many decent people help others?

Even if someone wanted to abduct a 12 year old boy, it's not exactly the place you'd sit in waiting is it & a bus driver just happen not to stop on that particular day??

the OP's son has more sense than some of the adults posting!

She probably offered him a lift because she could see that he was alone, distressed and had missed his bus so didn’t want to leave him there. He should not have accepted the lift though.

Just read your post about trying to track the lady down. I don’t think that would be acceptable at all. You are not blameless here, OP. The lady sounds like a Good Samaritan who tried to help your distressed child who was alone. Does your son have a mobile to phone you if he misses the bus? How do you know he gets to school safely if he catches the bus alone? Do you text him to check?

If your DS couldn't get you on the phone, going with a mum in a car wasn't too bad a choice. She couldn't have known that the bus driver was about to leave a boy stranded at a stop, and the chances of a dodgy person happening to be driving past with a child in the back of her car, are pretty low.

Aged 18 I got attacked on a country road, manage to escape and ran to the nearest house, knocked on the door and asked a middle aged man who opened the door to call the police, and went inside with him to wait rather than stand outside with the attacker at large. Sometimes an apparently risky option is the best one. I think your DS did the right thing in this case and it won't leave him thinking that accepting lifts from strangers is the go-to solution to a problem.

Any normal adult would want to help a child in distress and wouldn't think twice about offering a lift even though there is huge implications if they do. One example is this thinking it's weird to offer a lift, another is false accusations. There were other options such as contacting you but with a distressed child first thought is to get them home safe and not leave them walking alone where anyone could pick them up, even though you are just anyone but it doesn't work that way in the spur of the moment.

your update that she had a toddler in the car, your son has a point. I think she did a very kind thing and I personally don’t see it as over stepping, I just think it was a very kind and caring thing to do.

However, I’m assuming he was using public transport for school, all my five have been getting the bus to secondary school since obvs year 7 and I would be very concerned if missing the bus caused them to cry, as it’s their norm to get the bus they are mature enough to accept they’ve missed it and wait for the next bus as such is life. If it was my child I would be speaking to them about not getting upset over missing the bus, explain that it’s not a big deal and wait for the next. Also do they have a phone? Before embarking on their travelling responsibilities all mine were shown how to look up the bus time table and also ensure they have credit to ring or text me if needed.

So no I don’t think the lady was inappropriate she saw a child upset and acted instead of leaving a child to cry on side of the road.

Please do not contact the woman who helped your son to berate her. At 12 he should know whether it’s appropriate to accept a lift from a stranger and what to do if he doesn’t manage to be on the bus to school. It’s up to you to educate your son. I would want to help an upset 12 year old who wasn’t able to reach their mum.

The woman was kind and I think it was normal behaviour to offer a lift.

If you’re not happy about it then it’s your sons and ultimately your fault, as you should have educated him better on this.

I think because you feel guilty for not answering, you are projecting this on that poor woman that helped your child.

Your child was crying and alone in the rain

His parent(s) did not answer his call for help

He decided to follow his instincts and logical thinking and found a solution to the situation he was in

I’m not sure it's this helpful woman that needs her arse handing to her. Leave the her alone and be grateful someone genuine helped your child and maybe make sure one of his parents are available to him next time.

Or if you don't feel like your son is responsible to get himself to school everyday (to your liking), then take him yourself.