Would you be happy with a stranger giving your DC a lift?

[friendsofatune]

12 year old, Year 7.

School is on the edge of nearby village. Bus turned up and drove off without stopping, despite him standing there

Woman saw what happened when getting in her car, asked if he was okay (he was crying), and said she would drive him

Journey was 5/6 minutes long. About 50/60 minutes if walking it.

Is this overstepping the mark and scary behaviour that a complete stranger would do this?

I’m sure she meant well but 1. It’s very odd that your 12 year old would crying about missing a bus and 2. It’s even more concerning that he would accept a lift from a stranger (assuming he did)

I would speak to DS about why he accepted. Does he not have a mobile he could ring you or his dad with for situations like this?

No. I'd drive home a distressed child who'd missed their bus and was crying although I'd get them to ring their parents first if possible and get permission/ give my reg number.

If I saw a crying twelve year old in a rural area I would try to help them.

If I was a twelve year old I wouldn't have got in the car. I went over 'what to do if you miss the bus' when mine started secondary. Really, he should have gone back to school.

Does he not know your phone number?

Crikey no, stranger danger! You never get into a car with a stranger. He should have known better fgs.

Guess it depends on your view point. Where nothing happens other than DC getting a lift from a well meaning passer by then it's a 'kindness of strangers' story. If something awful had happened then another story of the horrors of the world. However in this situation 'woman helps a crying child' doesn't seem that scary, no.

What have you said to DC? Just thinking perhaps I would say that if ever something like that happened I'd appreciate a phone call giving me a heads up they were about to get into a strange vehicle. Or at least texting the reg number or something? That's probably what I'd have done if I was the woman in your story.

The stranger had a toddler in the back so he took it as a 'safe' sign

He says how likely is it someone's mummy with the toddler in the car, is out to kidnap me? What are the chances?

What did you say?

@friendsofatune honestly I've told my children if they're ever lost and need help that finding a mum or a family is usually a good first step. Pretty sure I got that from this site actually. So his reasoning makes sense?

What was your response?

Stranger things have happened.

I said it's a stranger so the wrong decision to take and could've been fatal

He said the same that I just mentioned upthread, that the woman was with her toddler and putting them in their car seat so not a threat

I said he cannot possibly say if someone is dangerous or not because they're a woman with a child.

He has said 'okay, sorry' but clearly doesn't believe me! And thinks I'm talking crap

I would stop and ask a crying child if they were OK if they were alone at a bus stop. If they explained they had missed their bus and were stranded I would let them use my phone to call their parent. If they didn't know their parents number I would offer them a lift. If they were reluctant to accept a lift i would call them a taxi and wait with them until it turned up.

The risk isn’t only kidnap, you m have no idea if they’re a safe driver, sober, etc.

While I think it was irresponsible of the women to offer a lift your son is old enough to know better.

If you or his dad aren’t able to collect you in a situation like this you need to make an alternative plan for him. Is the school library open late for homework club or anything like that?

If he doesn't have a phone, I would recommend putting your number in his planner for emergencies. I put mine in DC when they didn't take phones because they don't remember my number.

I think I would be a bit concerned (my DC are 11 and 12, Yr7 and yr8). But equally if I saw a distressed child alone then I would go check on them and offer assistance if I could.

I would stop and ask a crying child if they were ok. However if I were the child, I would not get in the car. Does he have a mobile phone? If he misses the bus he needs to ring you and not get in strangers cars.

And if he just doesn’t know your number or his phones died I’m sure the school office will still be open or there’ll be a teacher around who is able to help

He shouldn't have got in the car she shouldn't have given him a lift. Both of them old enough to know better.

Why was he crying rather than trying to call you/go back into school? Some what to do in different scenarios lessons needed I think.

She should have spoken to him and helped him look how long for the next bus, told him to call you, told him to go back into school etc definitely not put herself and her toddler in that position.

I don't think the Op says he accepted.

I did in a similar occasion do that sort of thing. But I got them to phone their parents first, and gave enough details (with proof to the ds to confirm) who I was and how I could be reached (think parking permit for work stuck in car windscreen plus driving licence.) I also got them to phone when we arrived to confirm they were there.

It was also the day of a GCSE exam, and both parents were around 45-60 minutes away at work, so they'd have missed the start of the exam.

Parents contacted me later to thank me.

No I'd never offer a random child a lift like this. If he was crying, what I would do, is tell him to call his parents and I'd maybe speak to them and inform them of what was happening and ask if they'd be fine to let me help him.

Ah, just seen this update. I've also always advised my DC, like a PP upthread, that if they're stuck/lost and need help, then a woman with a young child is their safest bet.
So I would be pleased he had remembered this.
And I would think about getting him a phone - even a dumb phone just for emergencies if like me you think 12 is too young for a smartphone.

He said it was raining quite badly at the time. I think that's true as it's been raining on and off a lot

He has my number but I had it on silent accidentally at the time and he seemed to agree to this lift without multiple attempts at reaching me

I think the strangest part of your post is that son was crying at the age of 12 .
This lady was very kind and yes potentially could have had other motives but I would be grateful that she came to his rescue.
FWIW I was driving through a country lane in the dark at 10pm and spotted a female aged about 14 . I did stop and offered a lift because I was worried that A ,she would be hit by a car and B ,a weirdo would offer her a lift.
She did accept my lift and I dropped her off safely in our village. I never gave it any headspace that I shouldn’t have done this.

@4405cd sadly he's been through some bullying recently (now sorted, hopefully), and I think he just got really emotional all of a sudden

As an adult I would get them to ring their parents so I could speak with them and see whether they would want me to sit with them in til they got there or give them a lift and if they were ok with it send a photo of my licence plate.

As a parent I wouldn't be happy DC had gotten in a strangers car - however it does sound like he risk assessed it to the best of his ability and didn't just get in so there was some thought process.

My son was 12 when cycling to school he had an accident (hit big pothole went flying over handle bars). A grandparent taking their grandchild to school stopped, put his bike on their cycle rack, drove him to school.

I never thought about kidnapping. I took her flowers once identified on the local FB page.