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Original poster

Exhausted but too scared of bed

260 replies

BedPhobia · 30/09/2024 22:44

I'm having a one night stopover at a hotel on my way to visit friends.

I've been having quite extreme anxiety about bed bugs for years so I knew I'd struggle but it's actually so much worse.

I'm thinking of going to the station now and sleeping on a bench instead. I'm exhausted but can't bear to get into bed as I'm absolutely convinced it has bed bugs and/or scabies.

I carried out an inspection and found suspicious marks and am now petrified.

I don't think a sleepless night will do my anxiety any good but what can I do?

All my belongings are in the bathroom and I'm thinking of sleeping sitting on a stool and leaving my pyjamas behind.

But even that won't prevent me worrying for weeks that I've brought them home with me.

I'm in such a bad way 😥

OP posts:
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9
pinkdelight · 30/09/2024 22:48

Sorry to hear this. It's not about the bed bugs really, as you know. Have you had help? Did they give you any coping strategies at all? Anything online that'll help in the short term? Meditation podcasts or something to get you to sleep, not on a stool or away from a bed? Also good to exercise, distract yourself. But longer term get professional help. There are ways to get past this instead of having it ruin your enjoyment of life.

Original poster
BedPhobia · 30/09/2024 22:48

These are the marks

Exhausted but too scared of bed
Exhausted but too scared of bed
Exhausted but too scared of bed
OP posts:
mitogoshigg · 30/09/2024 22:50

I've stayed in hundreds of hotels including in countries with poorer hygiene and never been bitten. The marks on likely a stain from washing.

HalfWayDown · 30/09/2024 22:51

You’ll be a lot safer in bed than sleeping on a bench in the station!

As a fellow anxiety sufferer I’m sorry you’re struggling but please try and rationalise this.
those marks look like makeup btw

MadBlack · 30/09/2024 22:54

I know this comment wont help with your anxiety, but those really dont look like bugs, or anything that would bite you.

BiscuitlyBoyle · 30/09/2024 22:56

Stay in the hotel room. It’s much safer than on a bed. Could you take some of the bedding off and sleep on the floor?

ClydeBank · 30/09/2024 22:56

It really does not look like anything to do with bedbugs - they are much likely more likely due to a whole variety of other stuff like splashes oil or make up or any number of different things.

do not torment yourself- try and disrupt your negative thinking with some positive affirmations (eg - I am lucky to b safe in a comfortable room wen so many people don’t have this privilege.

remember: disrupt, disrupt, disrupt your old negative ways of thinking.

Lyracappul · 30/09/2024 22:58

How do you normally cope with your anxiety?.. it’s horrible when you’re in the peak of it.. you deserve sleep, even if you lie in the bed in pyjamas, and stick em in a plastic bag tomorrow to hot wash them then you can’t bring bedbugs with you.. if they were there… and they don’t live on you, just have a nip and leave..

Original poster
BedPhobia · 30/09/2024 22:59

Thank you, I am crying that there is someone at the other end of my phone I can talk to, it's making me feel a bit better already.

Do you think I should ask to change rooms? I don't know if they will think I am crazy and I'm not sure I can face checking another room. And even if I don't find anything in the next one, I probably will still worry.

Usually I don't find anything when I check and still worry so these marks have rung big alarm bells.

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Babyshambles90 · 30/09/2024 22:59

I’m so sorry, OP. I’m no stranger to a complete anxiety meltdown. Sometimes what helps me is to work through my disaster scenarios. You can cope with the worst outcome here, which is that there are bed bugs in the bed, and you might get bitten, and you might take them to your friends house, and you might bring them home with you. The bites are irritating but not in any way dangerous. If your house or your friends house is infected then a professional fumigator will be able to rid a house of bedbugs swiftly and safely. None of that is as bad as letting anxiety rob you of your enjoyment in life, making you sleep on a bathroom stool or a bench. I really don’t think those marks are from bed bugs tbh, I think you’re going to be fine. You’ve got this, whatever happens it will be ok, you can deal with it. And after this experience is over, you might want to have a chat to your GP about options for support, or you can self refer online as well. Best of luck OP and I hope you can enjoy your trip.

Original poster
BedPhobia · 30/09/2024 23:00

I have had CBT before and I know if I stay up all night and don't sleep in the bed it will only ramp up my anxiety even further for next time so probably just need to face the fear. But it's making me feel such panic.

OP posts:
TokyoSushi · 30/09/2024 23:03

I don't think changing rooms will help, let's try to deal with the problem at hand. Can you put a 'barrier' between you and the bed? What if, for example, you slept on the top, not in the bed, put some towels down and then maybe a layer of your clothes on top of the clean towels, would that help?

Please try to stay, and sleep, in the room if you can, don't put yourself at risk.

Original poster
BedPhobia · 30/09/2024 23:03

@Babyshambles90 thank you. Unfortunately in my mind it goes - there are definitely bed bugs - I will bring them home - they're so hard to treat we will have to live as social recluses and I will never be comfortable in my own home again - my children's lives will be ruined and my mental health will never recover.

😭

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Original poster
BedPhobia · 30/09/2024 23:06

I've tried to change my train to make it earlier in the morning but there is no availability. I did think about laying on towels. This might help the overall dirtiness/scabies anxiety but the bed bugs would get me no matter what.

I must add that the pictures are from under the bed and on the box springs so I can't really rationalise that they could be anything other than bed bugs.

Would you all really be OK staying in a room with these marks? Just wondering as I've completely lost sight of what's normal.

OP posts:
Inhaledfoodohno · 30/09/2024 23:06

You can always call 111 or the Samaritans if you need a human voice to ground you again. I hope you manage to get some sleep tonight.

GenghisCalm · 30/09/2024 23:09

Sleep in the bath rather than on a stool.

WiserOlderElf · 30/09/2024 23:11

BedPhobia · 30/09/2024 23:06

I've tried to change my train to make it earlier in the morning but there is no availability. I did think about laying on towels. This might help the overall dirtiness/scabies anxiety but the bed bugs would get me no matter what.

I must add that the pictures are from under the bed and on the box springs so I can't really rationalise that they could be anything other than bed bugs.

Would you all really be OK staying in a room with these marks? Just wondering as I've completely lost sight of what's normal.

I wouldn’t check the bed so would have no idea that those marks were there… so yes, I’d happily sleep in the bed. The idea of bed bugs has never occurred to me when stayed in a hotel.

Twistybranch · 30/09/2024 23:12

Talk through all the worst scenarios, then talk through what happens after.

There are bed bugs- whats the worst outcome?

They bite ( you get treatment), you bring them home (you get treatment for the home, you throw away towels or wash at super high temp etc). You won’t be able to relax tonight( so catch up on sleep tomorrow)

We have no idea if you are right or wrong about the presence of bed bugs tonight, but you can talk through every scenario to a pragmatic conclusion, which results there being no bed bugs (whether because they never existed or because you dealt with the problem)….either way, the end of the story is….no bed bugs

pinkdelight · 30/09/2024 23:13

Would you all really be OK staying in a room with these marks? Just wondering as I've completely lost sight of what's normal.

Okay well that's an easy one because 1000% I would not only stay in the room and in the bed, but I would never have looked under the bed for such things, and nor would anyone I know, and nor has anyone's life ever been ruined by bed bugs in the way you fear. But that's why I'm saying you know it's not about the (not actually) bed bugs. Use your cbt techniques, face the fear and don't let it escalate another moment. Maybe being on here is helpful, I hope so, but don't use it to feed the fear and fantasise more. Put a soothing podcast on and go to sleep. Nothing bad will happen to you I promise.

Original poster
BedPhobia · 30/09/2024 23:17

I think I have read too many horror stories about bed bugs. I wish I could unread them.

@GenghisCalm I wish I could sleep in the bath but my belongings are there and I definitely don't want to attract the bed bugs in there. If I'm going to stay in the room I would rather stay near the bed as bait, throw away my pyjamas and at least my belongings are hopefully safe.

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Jingleballs2 · 30/09/2024 23:18

Bed bugs gather around the creases in the edge of the mattress, so that would be where they were if there were any. You can see clearly that they're a bug (not that I've had then, pictures etc) as others have said those marks look like make up and I'd happily sleep there.
However i I'm no stranger to irrational anxiety and had a major panic last night (emetophobia) so I feel for you!

cariadlet · 30/09/2024 23:18

That level of anxiety must be exhausting.

The hotel is the safest place to spend the night. Far safer then on a bench.

Don't ask to change rooms - you're just as likely to find marks in the other bed that you will be convince are bed bugs.

If you can't bring yourself to sleep in the bed, sleep on the floor. If you are worried about the bedding, use towels to lie on and put your coat over you.

You won't get a full night's sleep, will wake up a few times in the night and will feel stiff in the morning (speaking from experience having slept on my classroom floor when supervising a school sleepover) but you should get enough sleep to be able to function tomorrow.

Swollenandgrouchy · 30/09/2024 23:21

The last picture - looks like mascara or ink, nothing to do with bed bugs.

I have ocd and anxiety about a lot of things that keep me awake - sometimes I think along the lines of:

“What is really the worst situation - having a nervous breakdown or crashing the car because I haven’t slept due to worrying about x thing… or x thing itself”. I always decide that losing sleep and my mental health would be worse that actually dealing with x thing.

99.9 % of people would never have checked the bed , would have had a good sleep and enjoyed the rest of their trip.

give yourself permission to be one of them op.

Dogondoolally · 30/09/2024 23:21

You Would definitely see bugs, they are visible to the naked eye. Have you seen one on your inspection?
And what are your belongings actually safe from? A bug? Which can all be dealt with.
Sleep in the bath on a towel.
If the hotel was that infested I don’t think they’d even be open.

Original poster
BedPhobia · 30/09/2024 23:22

Thank you. I know the pictures aren't bugs but they look like fecal spots from bed bugs.

I just don't think I can ever sleep away from home ever again. And I know this is no way to live but I just can't cope at all.

I'm failing my kids if I bring bed bugs home and I fail them if I let anxiety rule my life. I can't win.

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