Exhausted but too scared of bed

[BedPhobia]

I'm having a one night stopover at a hotel on my way to visit friends.

I've been having quite extreme anxiety about bed bugs for years so I knew I'd struggle but it's actually so much worse.

I'm thinking of going to the station now and sleeping on a bench instead. I'm exhausted but can't bear to get into bed as I'm absolutely convinced it has bed bugs and/or scabies.

I carried out an inspection and found suspicious marks and am now petrified.

I don't think a sleepless night will do my anxiety any good but what can I do?

All my belongings are in the bathroom and I'm thinking of sleeping sitting on a stool and leaving my pyjamas behind.

But even that won't prevent me worrying for weeks that I've brought them home with me.

I'm in such a bad way 😥

I'm lucky in that I can still rationalise it. Are these stains I see really BB signs, or is that my anxiety? Is every hotel I go to a BB risk, or is that my anxiety? Shall I leave my suitcase outside when I get home, in case they're in my luggage, or is that my anxiety? Answer: it's my anxiety.

So your problem isn't bedbugs, it's anxiety. And if it wasn't BBs, it would be something else. To me, this sounds like hyperfixation anxiety, and you can get professional help with that.

Ah OP, you poor thing. I’m glad you’ve settled yourself and think you’ll be able to sleep. You won’t get scabies from the carpet, I promise but even IF you did, it’s very treatable these days. I’m not sure that helps but I wanted to reply to you as I empathise with the spiralling anxiety and the exhaustion. Big hugs to you

A bench let's face it someone will have at one point been sick on or peed all over .
So the bed is a better option.
Just sleep on top of the quilt .
Be rational. If they had bedbugs people would complain they would have inspections and lose customers.
They are always in the news . It's not on the same level as the odd worrying mark.
They have to take it seriously if they have them.
Unless you are in a 1 star type hotel.
You need to just sleep . Count , breath and maybe listen to a calming audio book or similar.

Have you spoke to a gp about your anxiety? Because this level needs help. Especially the going home and putting in the freezer.

Most people just wash things and don't focus on it so much.
Is your dh also very anxious?

Scabies are mainly passed on skin to skin.
I've never heard of them on carpets or beds.
I've seen lots of scabies working in the NHS.
I thought 48,hrs in a freezer kills BBs?

If the worst happens and they ever get in your house, indorex kills everything. I got it on my hand once and the skin on my hand withered up in no time. Scary stuff but useful to know .

OP I really feel for you. Anxiety is difficult to deal with and it really sounds like this has got out of control.

are you receiving any help and support for it at the moment?

my own sounds like tiers below what you are experiencing but for a sustained period over the last 12 months, I have experienced driving anxiety for the first time and have had to navigate a way through it as I didn’t want it to rule my life.

what helped me was to voice the thoughts out loud and talk myself through them, it helps somehow and allows me to get the feelings under control and manage them better.

Hope you get some sleep tonight, for sleep on future stays I would recommend a sleep headband headset (snoozeband etc…), it’s a closed system so you won’t need to worry about bugs getting in. Connects via Bluetooth too so you can leave your phone somewhere else and still use them to help get some sleep

Not at all and he hates this so much. I just don't talk to him about my anxieties anymore as it causes a row, and he'll pretend he doesn't notice me freezing things.

If I took a sleeping bag I would need to leave it behind.

So leave it behind then, you can get them for £10-£20, you could have two and put it in bin liner with your pajamas when you get up, then put it in the freezer when you get home and take the other one out with you next time you travel.

I can understand people having debilitating fears and phobias, and how all consuming that could be, but I really can't understand why you haven't come up with a workable solution to combat your fears knowing how bad they are, why not put a plan in place before you go to reduce your risk of exposure.

I have come up with a solution, my luggage is in a giant plastic bag in the bathroom and I have a separate one for pyjamas and will freeze things when I get home.

But I am still terrified it isn't fool proof and still don't want to lay in a bed that I consider dirty/contaminated

Have you seen a gp and explained how you feel to them?
This constant state of anxiety is not good for you .
Or for your family. He can't like seeing you so stressed.

You must be exhausted

I always suffer from anxiety when I stay in a hotel and I’ve stayed in some expensive places and it still doesn’t help with how I feel. It take me ages to get into the bed and then I can’t have the duvet/ sheets touching anywhere near my face. I hate my feet touching the carpet too in case what’s on the floor gets into the bed, and if the bed has throws and cushions they have to come straight off as they rarely get washed. I won’t ever use a bath in a hotel has to be a shower. I’ve been like this since I was a child.I’ve also starting worrying about bed bugs after watching a travel guy on YouTube who has a fear of them, I had to stop watching him because he started off a whole new level of anxiety for me. I’ve been told I have a fear of contamination over OCD as I can live with my own mess just not other people’s.

I am :(. I spoke to a GP a couple of times in the past and was referred once for CBT. I haven't mentioned it again for a couple of years. I very rarely travel so most of the time I tell myself its an annoyance but not too bad. This is a bit of a reality check of how bad it has become.

I'm sorry it's been like this since childhood for you. It's been about 5 years for me (since having post natal anxiety after my first child was born). It's hard to believe how carefree I was before, I'd give anything to get back to that version of myself. I used to love travelling and have been to all sorts of countries and shabby hotels. I never gave it a second thought!

I didn't find cbt that good to be fair and depends the area you are in but people I know here are now having to do it on the phone. Which makes it pointless.
But they do have other options.
If not a gp then next time you travel you need a system in place so you can atleast sleep .
Lack of sleep and anxiety is awful. As you must know.

I found the round of CBT quite helpful but I'm not sure it was the CBT itself, more just knowing I had a weekly time dedicated to talking about my anxieties with a professional. It helped me park any worries through the week and not let them take over.
I just seem to be no good at applying the techniques by myself.

And yes the second time I was referred it was online/via chat which was utterly useless so I gave up after a couple of sessions.

Sounds like having therapy would be better. I think most people would benefit from a weekly session. Talking about problems /worries and so on . And having a professional give advice or just listen.
But obviously the NHS don't seem to want to offer that very easily.
Can you afford to pay privately for a bit?

Geez, meanwhile the rest don't have anxiety over bed bugs because the media exaggerated it a while back - sensationalism sells, it wasn't worth a mention.
Next off, nobody ever died of bed bugs so there's a lot more stuff to worry about in life, and I get bitten frequently by gnats, bastard horse flies, mosquitoes etc on a regular basis ( they love me) - probably causes more pain than a bed bug ever would and are more realistic hassles, but still I dont avoid going outside.
Therapy is what you need, you are calling it bed bugs today, but if they suddenly didn't exist, you'd find something else tomorrow. I suppose you can go out of your way to mentally pacify yourself by doing outlandish rituals, or just stay awake and worry. But really, if you don't seek help for yourself, do it for those around you who will just see you as a PITA .

OP I’m a CBT therapist. This probably is not going to help you tonight, as there no time for prep work; but you need to stop doing the safety behaviours (luggage in the bath, sleeping on the towels, etc) as these make the anxiety worse long term and sit with the anxiety. As you have already identified, the anxiety will peak and then drop. The more often you sit with it, the quicker you learn that the anxiety is not harmful and will not hurt you. You will also learn that nothing bad happened from not doing your safety behaviours.
If it is hard sitting with the anxiety, try some grounding work. Engage your five sense; find something to look at and really observe the colours, the depth of field, the shapes, etc. Listen to music and pick out one instrument, listen to the vocals and the singers accent, etc. Just try to fully absorb yourself in something you are doing/listening to, as when you are fully externally focussed, you can’t be simultaneously internally focused (paying attention to your mind and worries)

Oh gosh you poor thing. This must be incredibly hard to deal with. Living with anxiety is difficult and this does sound quite extreme.
Not sure I have much to add that others haven't already said but just wanted to send solidarity and positive thoughts.

I actually have similar thoughts to you when staying away from home. Can't stand any kind of "ick" about bedding, bathrooms etc. I used to have to bring slippers to holiday cottages and flipflops for the bathrooms and showers because I couldn't stand the thought of being barefoot or just in my socks anywhere other than home. It's actually gotten much better in the last couple of years - I wonder if I hit peak "ick"/health anxiety during COVID and then my brain just couldn't sustain that level of worry and stopped caring so much. Who knows. In my youth it used to be quite happy to stay in grotty hotels and youth hostels, or sleep on airport floors, which almost certainly were objectively disgusting and I didn't give it a thought. So I understand how the worry can creep into your life.

For what it's worth, I personally would not be concerned about the marks you found, I think they just look like "wear and tear", and I think it's extremely unlikely the room you're staying in has any kind of infestation. I really hope you can settle your mind for tonight and manage to get some sleep. Can you try a guided meditation or sound bath or something to help you relax?

I think it would be good to contact your GP again when you're back, perhaps they'll be able to offer some help.

Wishing you a quieter mind and some rest if you can.

Hi OP, I completely understand where you are coming from. I have had bed bugs twice and I react really badly and really quickly to the bites. As a result have extreme anxiety from them to the point where I can't sleep for days once that thought is in my head.

However, you sound like you have got this under control. You know what to do and even on the very very small chance you have them you can definitely manage it.

Honestly these are not bed bug marks
The likely hood of there being bed bugs if you are in a travel lodge or other hotel in the UK is very very small.
Deep breathing. Full lungs whilst counting to 8 and then blow out the candle. Repeat 5 times at least
There are no bed bugs here. I am safe. Repeat and say it out loud.
Give the duvet and pillow a shake and plump. Get in and breathe deeply. Repeat the mantra. Focus on the nice parts of the bed like the softness and warmth. Watch your favourite Netflix show or you tube videos.

That's the part I don't understand though, if it's the bed bugs that are causing you the anxiety, what is the point of going to all the effort of bagging up your luggage and leaving it in the bathroom and then doing nothing about the actual bed itself?

Surely the bed is the problem here and the risk of contamination can be massively reduced by covering the bed with a waterproof sheet of your own and sleeping in a sleeping bag? Bed bugs can't get through a waterproof sheet.

Hey OP - those are not bedbug marks. Sadly I know whereof I speak! Those are just scuff marks from general wear and tear.

I also think if you truly believed these were bedbugs, you'd have run screaming into the sunset by now. So I think part of you knows this is an exaggerated fear.

I'm sorry about the anxiety, I know it's awful. I find that doing a crossword on my phone or playing Tetris helps to stop my thoughts racing.

Picture 1 - can you see the 'S' shape? This is a splash of something perhaps while cleaning. Or someone dropped their make up/shampoo whatever under the bed and it splashed. Hence the S shape.

Picture 2 : this is a couple of holes. Likely created while they assembled the bed. (imagine having a hotel worth of beds to assemble,. Hard work, you're less careful as the day goes on.

Picture 3: This is a dirty scuff mark, again likely when installing the bed. They come with plastic over the mattress & frame but I can only imagine they will drag them around a bit to get them in place, they're not light by any means, and if the plastic rips, that's the type of problem you get.

Bed bug droppings tend to originate from the edges of the bed. So I'd expect a cluster near the edges. They'd also be more likely on the top rather than underneath as in nearer to their food supply! Really don't think 2 & 3 are bed bugs whatsoever if you zoom in it's clear cut. 1 is the only vague possibility on appearance BUT bed bugs would poop in clusters and originate from the nooks and crannies of the edges of the bed where they'd hide - there is no trail to the edge of the photo. They would NOT poop an S splash shape. So I categorically deduce 100% NOT bed bugs.

However I realise this doesn't help your anxiety. Therefore I would ring reception and ask for a couple of extra towels - if there aren't any already in the room. And sleep on those.

Then I'd shower in the morning, and bung your PJs in a plastic bag so you can decant straight to the washing machine when you get home

Edited to add : Just seen you have your luggage in a giant plastic bag. I'd take the luggage out and pop it in the bath/shower. That'll be devoid of bed bugs as nowhere for them to hide and they'd get washed away anyway..
Split the plastic bag and lay it open on the bed. Sleep on top of the plastic - they cannot get through it so you'll be safe.
(Not that I think in any way there are bed bugs there)

This won't help for this time, but in the future when you book, ask the hotel if they can provide a "mattress encasement". It's like a mattress protector that completely encloses the mattress so if there are any bedbugs, they can't get out. Many hotels provide this now, but you have to ask.