Exhausted but too scared of bed

[BedPhobia]

I'm having a one night stopover at a hotel on my way to visit friends.

I've been having quite extreme anxiety about bed bugs for years so I knew I'd struggle but it's actually so much worse.

I'm thinking of going to the station now and sleeping on a bench instead. I'm exhausted but can't bear to get into bed as I'm absolutely convinced it has bed bugs and/or scabies.

I carried out an inspection and found suspicious marks and am now petrified.

I don't think a sleepless night will do my anxiety any good but what can I do?

All my belongings are in the bathroom and I'm thinking of sleeping sitting on a stool and leaving my pyjamas behind.

But even that won't prevent me worrying for weeks that I've brought them home with me.

I'm in such a bad way 😥

Hope you are feeling a bit better today op

Thank you all. I had a good cry reading the responses this morning as it made me realise how much I am struggling, when I had told myself this was just minor anxieties while being an otherwise perfectly functioning adult. Well, it can only go up from here I guess. I feel very, very embarrassed.

I have cancelled my appointment for Monday about scabies/skin issues. I still feel a bit uneasy about it as knowing a professional would be able to confirm/deny this for me on Monday had been a comfort but from your messages I realised I would have nothing to show really and would just embarass myself so I couldn't go through with it.

I have now sent an enquiry to Mind as recommended by a PP to see where to start from there. I know I should probably have booked with the GP but I've not had the best experience when mentioning anxiety to them in the past so wanted to try a different route.

I'll also do some research on some of the OCD-specific recommendations people made tonight when I have a bit more time. I can afford to go private if I need to luckily so I just need to identify the best option.

I had a good cry to DH this morning too, he was sympathetic and we brainstormed a few practical solutions.

I have both DC with me today, so I am outwardly functioning and it's been a helpful distraction or I would have sat in a dark room, Googling and terrifying myself further.

I can feel little pricks and itches here and there and trying my best not to pay them any attention and to not inspect my skin.

Thank you again.

You will get through to the other side of this, I’m so glad you posted and I hope that knowing you’re not alone and others have experienced and learnt to manage OCD will give you faith that you’ll be okay xx

Well done on recognising the severity of the real issue (which, as this thread has reinforced, has nothing at all to do with bedbugs or scabies) and on making some plans to move forward. But please don't feel embarrassed. You are struggling with a genuine health problem. A mental health concern is every bit as valid as a physical issue. There is absolutely nothing to be embarrassed about.

Seconding this - you have no need to feel embarrassed.

So pleased you have made contact with Mind.

Seeing a private psychologist fpr the last 6months or so has made a massive difference to my life. I could probably change my user name now!

OP well done for contacting Mind. I do think you should make a GP appt to discuss MH as they might prescribe something to take the edge off.
A low dose of SSRI is amazing.
I had post natal OCD and used to send pics like yours to my GP all the time. They recognised that it was all in my head quite quickly and I got appropriate treatment. I went private for the CBT. Good luck and keep posting to us.

OP, I don’t know you and I hope you don’t mind me saying this to a complete internet stranger but I’m so proud of you. Please don’t feel embarrassed. It’s really, really hard to break through this kind of anxiety to recognise that it’s more about anxiety than it is about the specific concern. I know from personal experience, I’ve lost so much time to google-fuelled anxiety spirals. I’ve had some objectively completely ridiculous anxiety obsessions. But once you have that breakthrough it gets easier. It’s then about strategies to manage the feelings, you’re doing exactly the right thing. While you’re getting support, the only thing I would say is distraction is your best friend. Try not to have time alone, and tell your other half if he sees you on your phone and you get irritated about being disturbed, that might mean that you’re google spiralling and he needs to help you move on to something else! Best of luck and if you would like to, let us know how you’re getting on.

Thank you so much all. I can't explain how much your messages helped.

I've never talked to anyone in real life about this, only DH is aware and he can make me feel like I'm insane / weird / a nuisance for it.

So just to hear so many similar stories to mine on here has made me feel validated and also reassured that it is a thing and can be treated. It has been invaluable.

I had a great start to the week, pretty much back to "normal". I've barely given scabies a second thought and unsurprisingly the itching has vanished.

Unfortunately though I woke up feeling anxious this morning (not sure why, though it may be tiredness as DC haven't been sleeping great). I have spent all day hyper vigilant so I've noticed a weird red patch on DS' elbow, a spot on my wrist etc and can feel physical anxiety symptoms coming back.

Unfortunately, Mind has a 4 months waiting list. They've signposted me to other things but I've not yet had a chance to investigate so I'm not much further forward on the MH side of things.

Its very weird how I alternate from totally fine to struggling every few days. Why can't I be totally fine all the time if I'm capable of it!

Contact your GP, they may be able to refer you for some type of therapy in under 4 months. In my borough you can self refer - and then you will be triaged.