Exhausted but too scared of bed

[BedPhobia]

I'm having a one night stopover at a hotel on my way to visit friends.

I've been having quite extreme anxiety about bed bugs for years so I knew I'd struggle but it's actually so much worse.

I'm thinking of going to the station now and sleeping on a bench instead. I'm exhausted but can't bear to get into bed as I'm absolutely convinced it has bed bugs and/or scabies.

I carried out an inspection and found suspicious marks and am now petrified.

I don't think a sleepless night will do my anxiety any good but what can I do?

All my belongings are in the bathroom and I'm thinking of sleeping sitting on a stool and leaving my pyjamas behind.

But even that won't prevent me worrying for weeks that I've brought them home with me.

I'm in such a bad way 😥

I wish I could give you some uplifting, positive advice but I have extreme OCD and I've only ever stayed overnight in a hotel once. It was awful. It had no air conditioning, I could see white stuff floating in the air (maybe I was hallucinating, I don't know) there was a damp smell and the TV remote was filthy. It was the worst night of my life, I got zero sleep.

You need to face your fear over and over again until it becomes a normal thing that you don't even think twice about.

It's an irrational fear. They aren't going to kill you even if they do exist outside your imagination. The worst they can possibly do is inconvenience you. You're more likely to bring covid home.

I had a similar fear about flying. So I flew over and over again. I still don't like it or choose to do it, but I overcame my fear. Book 7 different hotels for one night each and sleep in the beds in your normal nightwear and you'll be over it.

Also, you can buy water-soluble wash bags. You just put your pajamas in it, tie it up, then throw the bag in the washing machine when you get home.

Another CBT therapist here agreeing wholeheartedly with@Barnets5pSlots!

CBT really is the first line treatment for this kind of problem @BedPhobia So it would be worth returning to it. I know you can’t do anything about it now but you can self-refer to talking therapies without the GP or if you can manage it you could find a CBT therapist privately but they must be BABCP accredited, but it would be easier to access face to face therapy that way. You might find Break Free from OCD (by Professor Paul Salkovskis et al) a helpful book.

I really feel for you (and others on this thread with similar problems) and I hope that you’re able to get support to put this problem behind you.

You've really given the bedbugs some tremendous super powers in your head! One of the best ways to combat a phobia is to get to know lots of facts about it. You need to move beyond the tabloid news stories and find reliable sources on their ecology, speed, etc. E.g. killing them only requires two hours at less than −17 °C. Heat treatment also works (e.g. a tumble dryer).

OP, if it helps, I have travelled all over the world and stayed in all sorts of standard of hotels and I have never once brought bed bugs home. I did once accidentally bring a lizard but that is another story. Go to sleep. You are far safer there than a park bench!

Are you ok? I hope you’re asleep x

Thank you all. I spent a couple of hours dozing on the chair then I was so uncomfortable I put a towel on the bed and lay on there. It took me a while to doze off on the bed (went back to the chair a couple of times) but eventually did on and off for a couple of hours.

I've just had a shower and I seem to have 4 hive-type spots on my side. 3 appeared before I fell asleep last night while I was still on Mumsnet. I still had my laptop on my lap at that point so I'm now worrying they climbed on me at the time and there may be some in my laptop (which is the only thing I won't be able to freeze/tumble dry).

Also concerned about the 4th spot I just found while showering as it's on the side I was sleeping on.

I am sort of proud for lying on the bed in the end and didn't have a totally sleepless night but the worry about bringing them home this morning is really bad.

I am also struggling worrying about scabies from wrapping myself up in the towels. I think they were probably an even worse idea than the sheets in terms of having been on someone's body and potentially being contaminated. God, have I given myself scabies? That would be even worse, I won't be able to cuddle my children.

I have read all your messages though and taking them in.

Because if it isn't the bed bugs in the bed it's the scabies in the carpet etc etc. Because it's all actually anxiety and an overwhelming search for dangers that aren't there. OP make an appointment with your GP, write a list of thimgs you are doing and not doing because of your anxiety, this is no way to live.

Anxiety can cause hives and rashes. It's far more likely that your anxiety has caused the marks than bugs. I'm glad you managed to get a little sleep.

Put all your clothes in your suitcase/bag and zip it up. The bed bugs won’t be able to get in. Sleep in the bed. Have a shower in the morning before you leave. Then you won’t take them with you even if there are any. They are big enough to see but wash your clothes when you get home if you are still worried.

I'm glad you got some sleep.
If it was scabies I doubt it would show so quickly. Probably more likely from stress .
And your laptop will be fine . It won't take anything to your home with you .
I hope you get home and get some much needed rest

What colour are the towels? White, right? Hotel towels only stay that colour through being washed at a high temperature with bleach. They are undoubtedly cleaner than any you’d use in a friend’s house.

Well done for getting some sleep and facing your fears.

Get yourself home and get sleep so you aren't so tired and then see if there is any help you can get to help you in future. I hope you find a way to help you cope.

I don't know if it will change anything for you but you can buy bed bug resistant silk sleeping bags often from backpacker/ hiking websites. Maybe that will help you feel more protected.

OP, I get it - I have OCD and I went through a period of being worried about bedbugs when they were all over the news (including seeing a tiny mark on my skin and going straight to "is that a bite!?")
As a PP said, educating yourself about the thing that you're worried about can help. Did you know bed bug bites tend to be in a line, not randomly dotted around your body? If you've only got three or four and they're in different places/not close together, more likely to be something else - probably stress related!

Bed bugs have not moved into your electronics - this isn't an ideal environment for them, they only get into warm things like laptops if an infestation is severe/the laptop is stored next to the bed. If there was such a severe infestation in that hotel room that they immediately hopped into your devices when you arrived, you would have no doubt at all (and previous guests would have complained). No need to worry about that at all.

Scabies is usually spread through close skin contact, mites can't survive long on fabrics, so someone with scabies would have had to rub the towels in your room on themselves shortly before you arrived. What do you think the chances of that happening are?

Thank you, knowing the facts does help but I find that proactively searching for information also makes it seem like the issue is bigger and more widespread than it is.

When I search scabies infection from hotel there are pages that say it is unlikely but also plenty that say it is possible (and some saying the highest risk is towels sadly).

Some pages say they can live up to 3 days on fabrics so now I just need to hope the people who stayed in the room before me didn't have it.

And maybe the cleaning staff that laid out the towels did, that doesn't seem too far fetched as they have to handle people's bed sheets and towels all the time.

I'm failing my kids if I bring bed bugs home and I fail them if I let anxiety rule my life. I can't win.

Op, one of these is much much worse than the other.

If you brought bedbugs home (extremely unlikely), it could be a funny adventure to your kids, who would help with the boil washing, they could put gloves on and help spray "disinfectant" (spray bottles with plain water), send their soft toys to dry cleaning "holiday" and it'd be a story to laugh about in the future.

Letting anxiety rule your life... can't be turned into a fun game.

Pls see your GP before your children also end up worrying about things they don’t need to worry about.

Also, check if you need HRT. Your anxiety may be hormone related.

How do you cope with public transport? All the handles, rails, etc that other people have touched? Headlice in the headrests? Scabies in the seat fabric? I'm guessing you don't try on clothes in shops.

I live rurally and hardly ever use public transport. If I have to use it I don't sit down (unless a very long journey). I can try clothes on in shops if I'm not having too much of an anxious day, but will mostly avoid it if I can yes.

I feel for you. I hope you manage to find the right help for you.

leave your stuff in your suitcase & leave in the bathroom,your hand bag, plus the clothes you are wearing, hang up in bathroom.Place your sleep wear in a plastic bag, seal & put in your freezer when you get home. I would risk sleeping in that bed rather than on an outside bench.
Those marks look like some type of oil marks.
Bed bugs Marks more likely to be around the seams (but don’t quote me). You will ok

Best taking your own towels- I don’t like using hotel towels. Or buy some cheap towels & throw. I haven’t heard of that that, that they live on towels- must be badly infested if that’s the case. Like I’ve said before bed bugs don’t know if it’s a 2/ 5 star hotel. I asked my friend who owned a 4 star hotel if they had ever experienced bedbugs & they said they had, I asked in that case how do they rid the infestation & he said, they seal everything, including the carpets, remove & burn everything, then spray the room.
unfortunately becoming common place, with movement of people/ ease of travel

How helpful.

Someone is currently struggling with extreme anxiety and asking for help with the intrusive thoughts that are making her hotel stay difficult.
You respond by suggesting extra things she could worry about in other places, just in case she hasn't thought of them yet.

I swear to God, some people...

Ticks! These blighters live locally and son to gets them mountain biking in hilly sheep/deer areas. I have had one on me, too. ditto dogs.

Ticks can actually carry disease, but bed bugs are very benign in comparison.

@BedPhobia My phobia is emetophobia.
Phobias are really annoying, and doorknobs handrails and public loos are my nemesis.

Pissed people. The hyper awareness ''Might that person puke?'' is so exhausting.

I hope your fears ease.It's likely they will, as you lived without the fear before.

Hotels do hire bed bug sniffer dogs -I used to follow one on you tube- he was called 'chase' and he could detect a single bug in tests so easily, {His owner trained him to detect them specifically}

Pest control checks are routinely done by hotels.
No hotel wants bugs or pests.

Mum has travelled the World {and London's public transport daily} and happily has never been bitten or brought bugs home.