Anyone else’s parents refuse to spend on food and heating even though they’ve got loads of money?

[mariavontarp]

Wondering if it’s just a quirk of my mum’s, or a generational thing.

She is in a great position. Been mortgage free since the early 90s, generous pension and savings. She will spend £££ on theatre trips, home decoration and getting the garden done, but absolutely refuses to put the heating on and insists on eating manky jars of chutney from 2018 rather than “waste” it. It drives me wild that she turns off the plug socket behind the TV every night to “save energy” but will happily spend hours ironing teatowels and socks!!

Is it just my mum that has baffling priorities?

I didn't grow up with GCH and I think it's lovely, I like not freezing my tits off in winter and getting chilblains on my legs and feet, seeing my fingers turn white with Raynaud's and shivering in my layers of jumpers before I left for school, I like being able to wash in the morning (it was impossible in childhood due to the cold, I'd put my clothes under my duvet while I slept so they were warm when I woke and get dressed before I got out of bed) and opening my curtains to look out without having to scrape the ice off the inside of the window. My childhood home was woefully inadequately heated, there was rarely any form of heating at all and never a warm room, the only time the electric fireplace was turned on was if my dad was home and not asleep during the day (night shifts). I love finally being warm, especially now I'm older and a bit creaky and achy, which I'm finding is worse in cold weather.
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If you're feeling too hot you've got the thermostat/individual radiator in that particular room set too high. Or you've got the heating running for too long. Admittedly the air is a bit dryer/stuffier than not using GCH but I don't think it's excessive if you're not turning it up high, especially if you're airing the rooms out every morning by throwing the windows open for a while (with the heating off obviously). The only time I'm ever too hot is if I'm in some other people's homes and they're the type to dress in summer clothes all winter and crank the heating up instead, I will feel a bit uncomfortable in my winter woolies then, but you learn to wear removable layers with those people.
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My parents have loosened off a bit in old age OP and have a better balance of spending versus saving, they're not going without. Although I think they still eat the cheapest nastiest food even though they could (and always could) afford better, I guess it doesn't bother them.

@Beezknees yay- go your grandad! That will be me.

Then they end up with mould in the walls

So were mine, I was born in a new build house, underfloor heating, I’m 62, I hated the cold and still do.
My freedom was camping in the med as a child, fried food, sun and arguments!
Ended at 12, where they bought a house in a rural hamlet in France, carefree and hot days! I
My mother used to to complain I wore my best clothes after i left home, I didn’t, just not as scruffy as she could be, I was married then.
Now things are tougher again and unable to work, I rarely buy new clothes, haven’t had a paid holiday since 2018, a few days in Brighton with my godmother.
Just family abroad, I’m alone from feline knight, bless him at 9

@Thebellofstclements I agree in theory, but when you’re 86 with various health conditions, your interesting pursuits tend to be more low key so you may as well put on your heating instead! I will say that my Dad eats well, even though he likes finding the reduced items too, he’s always enjoyed his food too much to be frugal with it. 🤣

Which? did an experiment a year or so ago. Drying racks, dehumidifiers and tumble dryers were compared for electricity usage. Tumble dryers used less overall than the other two. And less condensation and towels are fluffy!

My parents are like this and I think it's a hangover from the War. I think of it as a form of PTSD and thank my lucky stars that I didn't go through what they did.

I have two extremes in my DParents and PILs, though my parents are a good decade younger than PILs.
My parents don't have much but will spend freely on beer or holidays. When we visit we have to wash up plates mid-meal as they don't have enough plates for 4 people to eat at once. When they visit us they always buy about a suitcase worth of clothes from the charity shop as apparently our charity shops are better. They have piles and piles of cheap clothes all over their house, which despite being 4 bedroom only has one room capable of being slept in.
OTOH my ILs have plenty of money and a roasting hot house, and always a fridge full of at least 10 types of cheese. When I visited I offered to do some mending for them as they were walking round with holes in their clothes and it made me a bit sad. I fixed all the holes for them, and they were really grateful as "there's plenty of life left in these clothes".
We're persuading them to spend any money to get things that make their lives easier, they recently got a gardener which has really helped.

When you are emotionally tied to someone it can be affecting, you worry about a parent the way you don't worry about dave at work who is a tight arse, won;t buy a round and reuses a tea bag. He also isn't inviting you to his freezing house and you don't know how much money he has in the bank I suppose!

My mum can be the same but think it stems from financially been on there arse in The 70’s when we were kids

Just smiling as I was born in the 80s and grew up in a house without central heating - 20+ years.
Limited finances but main rooms we used were perfectly cosy with gas fires. Fan heaters in bedrooms.
When people visited, they often found the rooms we used were cosier than their centrally heated houses!

Yes, but realistically, your Dad is saving money by not using his own car or public transport to buy his shopping at M&S. Plus, at least he's eating decent quality food.

My father completely dominated my mother, he wouldn’t spend any money insisting that they lived on mum’s pension and their Attendance allowance. He glued the radiator controls shut to stop mum turning them on, they ate a Wiltshire Farm foods meal between them and he left hundreds of thousands when he died.
it was actually abusive but because he said the right things when anyone questioned what was going on absolutely nothing could be done.
I would take casseroles etc with me when I visited every week and visit at lunchtime so I could cook them a meal but it was very hard.
The only heating he would have was a gas fire in the lounge, put on for two hours a day. I bought mum warm clothes, blankets, electric throw etc but it was such a cold house ☹️

I had elderly neighbours who did the opposite, heating blasting out, tumble dryer running constantly. It was hot, dry, stuffy, often smelled.

i prefer being cold 🤷‍♀️. People can judge away but if my heating’s not on it’s because I don’t want it on. Just because you disagree doesn’t mean your way is right.

@CoffeandTiaMaria

This baffles me . My mother is the same . Bought a brand new sofa , there was nothing wrong with her old one yet sits in the cold wrapped up , eating cheap food .

Mine suddenly did this when at the start of their dementia journey. They were convinced they didn’t have any money, even led to stealing food.
They had thousands, the change to cashless and cards didn’t help.

My husband will not "peg out" and uses the dryer when it's cracking the flags - he says the fresh air makes the washing dry stiffly and takes the fluff out of the towels.

when it’s really warm it can over dry it. You just need to bring it in earlier. Or dry it over night and let it get darker on

we have the same argument in my house as I love a scratchy towel

I used to think mine were really generous, cash gifts up to the max annually which we refused, we didn’t need their money, £100 gift voucher for a supermarket-which we accepted because to them, £100 was like me giving someone a tenner for a birthday. Turns out it was my dad who was generous and since he died, we get nothing (not that I want anything)

My mother is mean! I think she’s saving to ensure we have it all when she dies, although I keep telling her we won’t get it if she needs care, plus we don’t need it. She’s been called out on it by her bil, who takes her away for family weekends and she brings 2 slices of bread for herself while everyone else brings enough to share with the other 20 people! She spends sod all on food but will keep her house warm. I find it odd, but who am I to tell her how to live?

A jar of chutney is steeped in acid so I can't see anything wrong with chutney from 2018. Mustard powder from 1993 might be a bit short on flavour. Not anyone's on here, but possibly I have some.

We live in an appallingly wasteful society. Even I waste the odd bit of food, but I throw it out for the foxes or slugs so I tell myself it's not really wasted.

Don't we all have inconsistencies in the way we spend our money?

Of course we have ginger powder, in the pantry, that's decades old. It's because you only need one teaspoon one day and you never make the thing again and it just gets old. Honest, I will make gingerbread and toffee this November!