Anyone else’s parents refuse to spend on food and heating even though they’ve got loads of money?

[mariavontarp]

Wondering if it’s just a quirk of my mum’s, or a generational thing.

She is in a great position. Been mortgage free since the early 90s, generous pension and savings. She will spend £££ on theatre trips, home decoration and getting the garden done, but absolutely refuses to put the heating on and insists on eating manky jars of chutney from 2018 rather than “waste” it. It drives me wild that she turns off the plug socket behind the TV every night to “save energy” but will happily spend hours ironing teatowels and socks!!

Is it just my mum that has baffling priorities?

No my parents were/are not like that at all. It’s not logical behaviour. Have you ever said why are you putting the plug out it doesn’t actually save you money- yet waste time ironing? What does she say?

She just gets cross because I’m challenging her and says she can do as she pleases in her own home. Which is perfectly true of course, but it’s still annoying!

She’s nearly 80.

Yep!!!

My dad is 71, he never had central heating as a child. He puts it on for half an hour in the morning and half an hour in the evening (after we all beg and plead), after the first frost.

Last time the heating was on during the day was during the beast from the east. His logic is that because the fire in the living room is going all day, and it's his main room, the rest of us don't need it 🤣

Oh yes!

Still smokes but won't get car washed when it's so dirty someone has drawn a penis on it!

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 my dad will sell his car to fund a holiday but won't touch his literally multi hundred thousands in his pension because he "might need it one day" (?????)

It's a long time since I've had parents or in laws but i am a parent who is definitely not rolling in money and I make sure I have plenty to eat and good heating. No way would I economise on either.

Thinking back, many people of my parents' generation were careful with things like putting out lights, not wasting electricity or gas, that sort of thing. Perhaps that was because they had so little earlier in life and especially during the war. Old habits die hard.

She will probably have grown up without central heating, I didn’t though I’m only in my fifties so I’m fine with it much cooler. As long as she is eating enough it also doesn’t matter, raised in post war Britain wasting food was deemed completely unacceptable.

As long as she isn’t harming herself or anyone it doesn’t matter does it.

My dad isn’t stingy with heating but does love to keep out of date food! I get the no waste thing but it’s bloody ridiculous at times

I found mustard powder with an expiration date of 1976 once!!!

"Well it doesn't go off does it??" Er yes actually, I had to sneakily empty it and refill it 😫

Yes my mother was like yours e.g. would drive miles out of her way to save 2p per litre on petrol, but wasted £££ on subscriptions/warranties/insurance that she didn't use because 'it's only £10 a month' (per subscription!). Loads of nonsensical inconsistencies like that. She does have dementia now though, so maybe keep an eye on that.

My DM is like this. No mortgage and lives comfortably but won't spend on heating or electric. Won't use heating, sits in the dark rather than turning lights on. Has a dishwasher but doesn't use it, instead washing up with cold water.

Can you sneakily put her heating on timer so it comes on twice a day? Elderly people are vulnerable to the cold and it could affect her health.

I bought my mum an electric throw last year which she loves, it costs a few pence to run. She also wears thermals, Uniqlo ones are good.

My mil is like this. She was recently driving around in a 06 plate jalopy of a car, category D, but when she went away on holiday spent £7k on business class flights. She is the queen of the yellow stickers, anything with a sale sticker on, yes, also jars of sauce etc from 2004 get used. She Will however have the heating on.

Yep my parents are exactly like this. You should see the state of their one and only bathroom, plus their heating hasn't worked in the spare room for years.

I refuse to stay there, even though we get on.

They have more than enough money and hundreds of thousands in savings. No exaggeration.

I couldn't resist checking this but some appliances go on drawing power when plugged in - https://contemporarystructures.co.uk/does-an-appliance-use-electricity-plugged-in/

Even as late as the 1970s many people lived in houses with no central heating, bedrooms were unheated, there were few showers instead people took baths once a week, not everyone had a home phone or a refrigerator. Food was still being rationed in 1954. It was bought once a week and carefully managed throughout the week, food wasn't thrown away, leftovers were fried up or possibly given to the dog.
Thats the world your mother grew up in and old habits die hard, they learned to be thrifty and even though she may spend on a holiday, people then still saw the world as uncertain. Let's hope we're not heading back to that because I think many today won't know how to deal with it.

My elderly dad does not put the heating on unless it's really cold. he does however have his food delivered from Ocado/ M&S !

My mother is ok with essentials such as heating and food but is very frugal in general and doesn't believe in spending on anything she considers frivolous. That's very sensible in theory but she takes it to the point of misery in my opinion. I've grown up feeling so guilty about ever spending money on myself that even though I have foot problems, I look around furtively and try not to be seen going into the podologist for a medi-pedi, for example. If she ever catches me buying an item of clothing I feel like I have to justify it - and I don't just mean sequinned dresses or heels, but bargain packs of basic white knickers too.

She grew up poor, I do understand that but there has to be a balance. I hate feeling like I'm not worth having anything nice.

Is it possible she dreads the bill even though she has the money?

When she was paying her mortgage, rates were wildly high, and maybe that experience spooked her?

Utility bills are not like opting to spend money yourself on theatre tickets. You use the gas or the electricity first, and then the chickens come home to roost, so to speak.

She would have grown up at a time when only irresponsible or very poor people did hire purchase, which is a little like utility bills. There might be fear or anticipation of the shame of not being able to pay, making her decide to use as little as possible so she can have some control over the bill.

Women who are now70-80-90-and older grew up at a time when girls and women were shamed for eating heartily, and there was a big emphasis on avoiding waste. It might be that she feels it's perfectly fine to undereat or eat dodgy foods that have languished in the fridge for ages.

@IthinkIamAnAlien

YYY to the idea that they are bothered by uncertainty.

This can lead to efforts to control what they can.

Maybe she enjoys having crisp tea towels and socks. Maybe she finds ironing them soothing. Maybe it's a routine that she enjoys. I doubt anyone's spending is wholly rational.

Was actually discussing this today with a friend

My parents are like this to an extent.

They resist using the tumble dryer because it's expensive.... But spend 10k on a holiday.

My mum is the opposite. Her house is like a sauna, and you'd think she was feeding the entire village judging by the amount of food in her 2 fridges and 2 freezers rather than just her and her dh.

Yes I was a neglected child due to this. Makes me angry

Had to doublecheck the title of this thread, as I thought it was about my DH!