Anyone else’s parents refuse to spend on food and heating even though they’ve got loads of money?

[mariavontarp]

Wondering if it’s just a quirk of my mum’s, or a generational thing.

She is in a great position. Been mortgage free since the early 90s, generous pension and savings. She will spend £££ on theatre trips, home decoration and getting the garden done, but absolutely refuses to put the heating on and insists on eating manky jars of chutney from 2018 rather than “waste” it. It drives me wild that she turns off the plug socket behind the TV every night to “save energy” but will happily spend hours ironing teatowels and socks!!

Is it just my mum that has baffling priorities?

I would love to see a thread about parents of adults digging into every aspect of their adult children’s lives then moaning about it as though it’s their business.

I don’t know why people are so upset - this is just a funny thread for people with parents with funny quirks to chat about them, it's not hurting anyone

Mine have always been tight as big drums on things like clothes, food and heating despite owning 2 houses outright. I think with DM it's partly her frugal post-war upbringing, but the constant commentary on what she sees as other people's excessive consumption compared to her own (particularly food) is exhausting.

All this "burning" instead of getting the heating on...
I bought a neglected house from an old dear that hadn't seen much radiator heating, however, there's options to burn something in nearly every room - fireplaces, stoves, ranges.

My DS was learning about the ills of smoking at school and was incredulous about black lungs and how they came to be. So I took a damp rag to the gray ceilings and swiped a long stroke to reveal white underneath : if years of smoke can do this to a whole room, think what it does to your lungs. Exhibit A, lesson learnt.

It's a shame that capacity for self-care diminishes so much as we age, even with financial means to avoid the plight.

@NQOCDarling that's what pisses me off. If my FIL at 85 needed extra cash to pay bills or do emergency work on home ( he doesn't) I would be urging him to draw down £50k off his house. Even if he ended up owing £120k - if it made life more comfortable. Believe me as a couple in our early 60 s who rent privately the fairly large inheritance in his case would be utterly life changing for us - but it's a lovely bonus in a sad time not an entitlement- it's his cash!! Strangely it seems when we get unexpected large expenses the rest of us are told by 'some' mumsnetters- can't you just stick it on a credit card or remortgage , regardless of income- but god forbid we suggest drawing a bit off their often substantial assets be it houses or savings or pension funds ( although I realise drawdown wasn't always possible on older pensions where annuities were bought)

@strangeandfamiliar we used to see an elderly lady regularly in the local shop when we lived in a tiny flat in Highgate many years ago who used to go in an order 1 slice of ham and 2 slices of cheese etc , she also looked like she could do with new shoes and coat etc and yet we knew she owned and had an absolutely huge house in the village. I could never fathom it. As you say with some people regardless of cash they have an inbuilt frugality and it's hard to change that

@itwasnevermine I guess people are getting upset because comments have included 'illogical', 'baffling' and worst of all 'mean' which is hardly in the spirit of funny quirks.

Went round for lunch once and we had a smallish pizza between three of us. Sadly they’ve both passed away but they literally had a fortune in savings. Very very frugal. Years ago me and my ex went on a day trip to Prague as a mutual Xmas pressie. You can imagine the 😵…

My dad is very proud of being right, I don't think it's necessarily people being nasty

Tight not right 🤦🏼‍♀️

@QueenCamilla - but obviously it didn’t harm her, otherwise she wouldn’t have become an “old dear”. Similarly it’s not a plight if you’re choosing it- I guess I just don’t see the problem of it doesn’t effect anybody else.

My DC comes home and chucks out all my old food - never am I left with any marmite.

The thing with central heating is, if you did not grow up with it, it does not actually feel very nice. I grew up with coal fires, later gas fires and have only had central heating the last 20 years or so. It just feels nasty - all over too hot.

Yes!

My DC comes home and chucks out all my old food - never am I left with any marmite.

I wouldn't stand for this, and tbf both my children know it. Good grief.

My grandparents (mid 70's) are very frugal despite being wealthy and having a paid off house for over a decade. I think it's a generational thing.

We always try encourage them to spend/go out for meals/enjoy themselves while they have 0 health problems, but they still scrimp and save or scoff at prices.😕

They do book a fair few holidays a year, but are very strange with that they will spend money on despite 'wanting' something, EVEN if it will help make their lives easier/give them a nicer quality of life.

For example, they go for a few miles walk everyday, in the winter my grandma complained her ears were cold and loves mine & mums wooly hats. We told her where to order/buy one locally, but she never did and kept complaining. We bought her a few in the end and she wears them all the time in winter??? She refuses to spend on herself, but will happily spend on holidays etc 😂

Yes, but it's not just about avoiding spending money, is it? Those of us born before the 1970s did not grow up with a throwaway mindset. Make do and mend was how things had to be, because people couldn't afford to chuck out something that could be fixed or that still had life in it. My husband re-uses teabags when I'm not here and it's got nothing to do with saving money. He judges that he can make a perfectly adequate mug of tea from the once-used teabag so he does. His choice. (Not mine - I aim for more than 'adequate' when I make tea. But each to his/her own.)

I’m not upset. Are others upset?

Still it’s interesting to see how these things are turned around when addressed.

Would a thread on the quirks of those who grew up in a different culture hurt anyone?

My mum has been tight with food forever. She hasn't worked for years and stepdad gives her (generous) housekeeping. She bought the cheapest old crap she could and squirrelled most of it away in a personal savings account.
She has dementia now. Stepdad is retired and has taken over the shopping and most of the cooking and is enjoying food again after decades. I think he just got used to awful food.

Also, re portion size - as is very well known, appetite tends to fall away with age, hence the people buying one slice of ham or eating from a side plate rather than a dinner plate. My Mum makes a real effort to cater adequately for my brother and me when we stay with her as she knows her own portion sizes are now far smaller than we have, and she used to have. From the sound of it, not all older people remember this.

I do this 🤷‍♀️. I don’t have to use the tumble dryer as things will dry on racks just as well. Why spend money on something I don’t need or want? I want a holiday I’ll spend the money on it.

as long as they’re paying their bills and are managing financially then what’s it got to do with anyone else how and what they spend their money on.

I don’t even think you can blame age, I’m sure most of us spend money on shit other people think is a waste. I don’t drink, and think people spend too much on alcohol. But if you want to, crack on, it’s your choice.

Yes because it would quickly become a nice demonstration of ignorance and racism/xenophobia/inability to accept people do things differently
Basically its never nice to see someone laughing (it’s quirky and just a little bit of a laugh) at something you see as normal or important.

@Howmanyusernames123 I agree with you.
im doing the same too.
I look for yellow labels, look for bargains, repair/mend clothes and shoes and will put layers on rather than putting the heating on.

But we also spend money on hols/weekends away etc….

My mother is in her 90s has thousands in the bank and still don't put her heating on and sits in a Gillett and blanket . She eats smart price food too , quibbles about buying new glasses and tapes her old ones up . Holidays are now out of the question, I have told her that her comfort is paramount now . She won't listen .

Unfortunately my parents are long gone but food and heating were never compromised on. I'm an oldie now and just the same. I've got friends who'll pay a fortune to eat out but tell me a fillet steak or salmon etc are too expensive to buy and ask me how I can afford it. Different people have different priorities.

My Dad. Very well off, very generous to us, good with keeping the heating on as he hates the cold (his home is brilliantly insulated so it's not expensive), but obsessed with eating as cheaply as possible.

Claims to prefer Aldi cooking chocolate etc to other brands of chocolate, the cheapest oats for his porridge with a handful of the most miserable sultanas he can find sprinkled on top as his "fruit". If Aldi had an even cheaper budget value range he'd be all OVER it. Luckily he likes chicken breast and things like carrots so I know he's getting some protein and fresh vegetables.

Left to his own devices he will try to buy very very cheap clothes, so when I visit I always take him shopping, and because he won't admit to being tight and he knows I'm not going to take him along the sale rail in Primark to find a polyester jumper for £3, so I can always get him to buy nice outfits in M&S etc. I think he enjoys that attention, so he goes along with it.

He grew up extremely poor, and was excessively parsimonious when I was growing up.