Sad our church turned its back on dd

[TeenLifeMum]

Dd has been to church all her life. At one point we moved to a different church that suited us more but we made lovely friends etc and dd was attending youth group until she was 15. Suddenly she was less keen but focusing on GCSEs so we didn’t push it. With clubs etc for the other dc, regular attendance dropped a bit but we were fairly relaxed.

I believe in god but have always had issues with “the church”, but put that aside to be with people of faith.

I recently learned why dd stopped going to youth - they did a full session on how they should pray for gay people in the hope of healing them. How they are so angry about people loving each other is beyond me.

dd is gay. Her girlfriend is loving, kind, polite, and caring. I want all my dc to have loving healthy relationships so have no issue and naively thought others wouldn’t care. Turns out they do. Two of her closest friends stepped away due to her being gay (parents we’d met through church) and now she understandably doesn’t want to go to church, and neither do I.

I’m angry. I hope they’re really proud of themselves from their high horses. On the off chance they’re on here - no, you’re not good Christians.

Thanks for humouring my rant.

Hello OP! I haven’t read all the replies so people have probably already said this - a lot of my lesbian friends have had similar issues with their “home” church, but everyone who wanted to has found a new welcoming church that they love going to. Some of them took a few years to get to the point where they wanted to try again, but it all worked out when they did.

Speaking for myself re.the friends she lost… It feels crap at the time, but proper friends will come along. 6th form and uni coming up soon (if she continues education!) or into work if not - it’s possibly good timing in terms of finding a new tribe!

Good luck to your DD!

I have gay relatives (2 uncles) and am bisexual but happily married to a man so not really a discussion topic. In all my time in the church with small dc we didn’t stand around discussing sexuality.

If a religion doesn't agree with something you do then that religion isn't for you.
Why would you want to go anyway?

No, if you know anything about Christian doctrine, they're really not.

I'm surprised that you have been attending that church for so long and were unaware of its stance on same sex relationships!

Many churches are the same but there are more accepting churches around.

I thought Jesus was gay?

??

It's also largely down to the standpoint of the priest/vicar running a specific church. Some are ultra conservative and some are ultra liberal when it comes to adopting church doctrine. There are still plenty of CofE bishops and vicars who disagree with women being allowed to be bishops and vicars, but there are plenty who do not.

Looking around the World, religion is a cover for so much abuse of power, money and hatred.
It baffles me how religion is still allowed and how many seemingly nice people get caught up in it. How can bright people not see it was invented to control and it has no place in modern society.

Then you read posts like this...

It’s not just sad, it’s blatant discrimination. But then again I am not religious.

I’m so sorry about how your DD has been treated. If you or her would like to try a church which is LGBTQ+-friendly, you can find one through this network: www.inclusive-church.org

Wow, so much bigotry in one post...

There are none so intolerant as those who go round preaching love and tolerance etc...as long as you agree with whatever their version of that is- if not they turn on you with all the hatred and intolerance they can muster.

Given the fact that you are bisexual I don’t believe you didn’t bother to find out what their stance was.

Most organised religions are anti gay. Some churches within those religions maybe very open and forward thinking but many are not.

These people had an influence on your family. Your children. No one is expecting you to discuss your sexuality or that or your child.

But given you let these people have influence on you and your children, it was responsibility to check out their values before attending. And I don’t believe you have never come across their attitudes in the years you have been attending.

I don’t anyone who is gay that would attend a church and just assume they weren’t anti gay.

Come join the Methodists, we voted to allow equal marriage in our churches a couple of years ago. The hymns are better than C of E too.

There’s a dangerous history of proof texting from the Bible @Thunderpants88.

Through history it’s been used as a justification for the subjagation of women (and in some Christian, even CoE, churches still is) and as an argument for slavery. There are some problematic statements in it but they need to be read in context and not used for unpleasant, divisive and unloving statements such as that post.

@minipie @safarileader not sure why you’re baffled. It didn’t get mentioned and only became apparent when dd began attending the youth group for teens. Only other thing I’d been uncomfortable with that I knew about at the time was when they did baking and the vicar’s son announced the girls should wash up because they belong in the kitchen. I guess they targeted it at teens to “get them on the right path”.

Amazed some think I’m a troll. I’m a mum of 3 DDs and I’ve been on here for bloody years. Very normal family. I didn’t suddenly get outraged because dd came out. If I’d seen it previously, or had an inclination, we would have changed church. We moved from the first church due to how they treated a friend who divorced her husband (he’d cheated on her throughout her third pregnancy but apparently should have forgiven him - despite him now being married to the ow. Not entirely sure how the church thought friend should force him to stay with her). I supported her and we moved churches. We’d only been at the new one for about 11 months.

Have they actually conducted any gay weddings since? (Genuine question as I can't find it on Google, and I have gay friends who were very disappointed to be turned away from their local CofE church for their wedding?)

Really?
I was raised a Catholic and as an adult attended the local Cof E church.
There were never any discussions about sexuality and what I knew was that a vicar could be gay but celibate and that some churches would allow gay marriage some wouldn’t.
That was a huge difference to actually banishing gay people or praying for them and to my knowledge never happened.
As I’m an inclusive person I naively assumed the church would be too.
My now adult dd also went to church and still does, has lots of gay friends and family.

We would both call out homophobia if we saw it.

People not believing you doesn’t mean they think you are a troll.

I don’t believe you were oblivious. I think it wasn’t an issue for you until it’s impacted your child. Now it’s a problem.

I think if it only impacted other people’s children, you would have carried on not ‘seeing it’.

The United Reformed Church is not like that. You could try there? Ours is so focussed on making LGBTQ+ people welcome that they have a special association for them within the church to make sure they are properly welcomed.

Some evangelical churches are like that, but you just need to steer clear of them. Lots of different churches have different views and some parts of Christianity.

DD’s friend’s mum has moved church. They also moved house so I didn’t realise the link.

The two friends who distanced from dd and parents were less chatty now all makes sense.