Sad our church turned its back on dd

[TeenLifeMum]

Dd has been to church all her life. At one point we moved to a different church that suited us more but we made lovely friends etc and dd was attending youth group until she was 15. Suddenly she was less keen but focusing on GCSEs so we didn’t push it. With clubs etc for the other dc, regular attendance dropped a bit but we were fairly relaxed.

I believe in god but have always had issues with “the church”, but put that aside to be with people of faith.

I recently learned why dd stopped going to youth - they did a full session on how they should pray for gay people in the hope of healing them. How they are so angry about people loving each other is beyond me.

dd is gay. Her girlfriend is loving, kind, polite, and caring. I want all my dc to have loving healthy relationships so have no issue and naively thought others wouldn’t care. Turns out they do. Two of her closest friends stepped away due to her being gay (parents we’d met through church) and now she understandably doesn’t want to go to church, and neither do I.

I’m angry. I hope they’re really proud of themselves from their high horses. On the off chance they’re on here - no, you’re not good Christians.

Thanks for humouring my rant.

@lissaga

What religion is this? Jehovah? Latter Day Saints? No branch of the Christian faith would preach such things, surely.

Those are branches of the Christian faith...

My mum was very active in the church, always helping out, on the committee, all that stuff. She'd been going there for over 40 years.
She had a fall and ended up in hospital and there was nothing from any of her so called friends. I asked if anyone wanted to visit. Nothing.
After that she was unable to go to church anymore and apart from a very rare phone call from one of the women, and an irregular visit from the vicar she was pretty much forgotten. I tried to get people to visit but no-one ever turned up.
When she was dying I got the hospital chaplain to give her the CofE version of the last rites. Vicar did eventually turn up a few hours before she died and was put out that someone had already done it.
At her funeral there was much weeping and wailing and what a lovely woman she was, how much they all loved her. Yeah yeah. Not seen hide nor hair of most of them for over 3 years.
So if that is how they treat someone who fits into the church mould like that it's no surprise that they can ostracise someone wo doesn't.

So did I. I was very naive.

I've noticed that myself, it's an interesting point.

There is quite a big variation in the positions held by individuals and churches, but for a picture of where the Church of England has reached in discussing this, try
https://www.churchofengland.org/resources/living-love-and-faith

Awful behaviour. But you sound like an amazing mum so she's going to do well in life with those who matter behind her.

I'm a practising RC but I tell my 6 year old if she wants to marry a boy that's ok and if she wants to marry a girl that's ok too. Its just love. Why are so many people so hateful towards it.

Absolutely there are, just as there are Catholic priests who are in sexual relationships. The nicest priest in my childhood parish had a longterm partner and three children on the other side of the city. He left the priesthood and they’re now married. The official position of the C of E is that gay relationships are only ok if celibate, and its opposition to more liberal Anglican churches caused schisms. It’s not ‘whatever you’re having yourself’ despite individual clergy’s more humane views.

This is not a troll sort of post. I have a fundamental Christian friend who is like that and she has dropped me because I am not serious enough about God, apparently.

I am very anti all religions for exactly these reasons.

@LissaGa @Underlig this is a standard CofE church.

This. So sorry to hear of your daughter's experience. I am C of E and the Church I attend has no problem with LGBTQ people at all. Everyone welcome. If it wasn't, I would worship somewhere else.
PS. I'm straight so have no axe to grind.

your daughter had been going for years

she got zero sense of this attitude before then?

In my experience all religions are homophobic, they pretend not to be but they are.

Well, indeed. The one I intermittently attend is in a small rural parish, has a choir, holds BCP services for those who like them, and depends quite heavily on its gay congregants - who everybody knows are gay.

It makes me so sad that people do this kind of shit in the name of being Christian. But for those posters questioning whether this happens in churches (incl CoE) yes it absolutely does.

Inclusive church, and the fact that the less evangelical wing of the CoE is infinitely more inclusive and (IMHO) loving and therefore Christlike have all already been mentioned. But I just wanted to send support, solidarity and love - important she knows it’s not actually what church should be like and there are places that will welcome her with open arms and love her (and you OP).

I'm so sorry your daughter has been through this. I have always found Methodists among the most inclusive and broad minded Christian groups, and I believe they're the largest denomination to hold same sex marriages (as CoE will only bless them). However I'm sure the individual churches and chapels vary in attitude according to the minister and congregation. I hope you all find somewhere genuinely welcoming to practise your faith.

I'm so sorry Op, from a fellow Christian.

The thing is about Jesus, he made a point of accepting everyone, loving everyone. It just isn't very Christian to judge people, I hate it when it happens! My church loves everyone, we accept everyone, as is central to proper Christian beliefs. I hope you find a better church.

Why does that matter? It was from DD’s friend’s mum. She didn’t say anything as her dd told her and she didn’t know if I knew dd was gay. I openly mentioned DD’s girlfriend in conversation and it came out in full. I then spoke to dd. I’m upset I didn’t protect her better.

One of the last times I went to Mass I was asked to sign a petition against gay marriage (I refused)

I don’t understand the churches stance on this or on abortion. There is very little in the bible about either but so, so much about adultery, about loving your neighbour as yourself, about not judging others but these are the hills they want to die on.

who somebody loves affects no one but the two people involved. But the church spends soo much time talking about it!

So you were quite involved in a church and had no idea where they stood on issues like this?

Or is it a case of you were fine with their stance until you realised that also included your daughter? Did you expect them to make an exception for her?

I don’t understand why you would allow an organisation to have such influence on yourself and your kids without understanding their view on these sorts of issues.

There are other churches, if she still wants to go to church she should investigate them, it is very variable what beliefs are taught, surprisingly to me anyway.

As a non-believer I was amazed when I went to a (progressive church?) friends adult baptism and the sermon was basically if people are not with us they are against us, I did wonder whatever happened to turn the other cheek.

My local church, Anglican, ruralish area makes a point of being LGBTQ friendly. Previous vicar was a lesbian living openly with her partner. There's other churches where you would be welcome.

You can’t have your cake and eat it too.

the Bible is very clearly against gay relationships. That’s not a secret. Therefore you cannot cherry pick the bits that suit you and you like and claim to be a Christian. All religions are like this.

would Jesus and Christ be loving, kind and welcoming to your daughter? Yes. Would he condone her gay relationship? No. And there is simply no sugarcoating that truth. And that goes for everything noted in the Bible, murder, gluttony, hate, bitterness, gossip, murder, getting drunk. It is all in there, where faith becomes tricky is people
hone in on sexual sin as being the worst or the worst and I don’t think God makes any distinction between any sin. Sin is sin. He created us and knows what’s best for us and your daughter can be upset at that but at least the church are remaining true to Biblical truth and not bending the Bible to suit people’s preferences

It wasn’t something that generally came up in readings or teachings. I went to prayer groups in homes etc and I guess I assumed they were with the times and they assumed I was anti gay.

Church: bans gay vicars from having sex, refuses to marry gay couples, in addition to countless examples of even worse acts of homophobic practice
Also church: acts in an institutionally homophobic manner, completely in line with all of their policies on the above
Gay Christians: shocked Pikachu face😮

... in the nicest possible way, what did you expect?