Sad our church turned its back on dd

[TeenLifeMum]

Dd has been to church all her life. At one point we moved to a different church that suited us more but we made lovely friends etc and dd was attending youth group until she was 15. Suddenly she was less keen but focusing on GCSEs so we didn’t push it. With clubs etc for the other dc, regular attendance dropped a bit but we were fairly relaxed.

I believe in god but have always had issues with “the church”, but put that aside to be with people of faith.

I recently learned why dd stopped going to youth - they did a full session on how they should pray for gay people in the hope of healing them. How they are so angry about people loving each other is beyond me.

dd is gay. Her girlfriend is loving, kind, polite, and caring. I want all my dc to have loving healthy relationships so have no issue and naively thought others wouldn’t care. Turns out they do. Two of her closest friends stepped away due to her being gay (parents we’d met through church) and now she understandably doesn’t want to go to church, and neither do I.

I’m angry. I hope they’re really proud of themselves from their high horses. On the off chance they’re on here - no, you’re not good Christians.

Thanks for humouring my rant.

That's so sad. This is the main reason I stopped engaging with the church, I found it so old fashioned and restrictive in views towards relationships, gender equality etc. I am sure there are more inclusive churches if she wanted to explore options.

This happened to my friend in a CofE church. He was asked not to return and his friends were told to choose between him or the church.
It was awful, he was a teenage boy only child with a mum in supported living for mh difficulties and no other family. They were utterly brutal.

Was this recent?

There are of course some wonderfully inclusive CofE churches. A friend is a vicar who is definitely not homophonic (or a bigot in other ways).

What area is the church in?

This is hardly surprising OP. Religion in general is pretty homophobic and misogynist so she's got a double whammy.

@Kitkat1523 about 15 years ago. The same church is still running with the same clergy in charge so I can't believe they're less of a bigot now.

Horrendous behaviour from the church and well done to your DD for stepping back from this horrible situation. Unfortunately this is an example of why the church isn't really viewed positively now. Many churches views no longer fit with the world we live in. Thank goodness for that!!

That's awful, OP - I'm so sorry. And NerrSnerr' story is horrifying. I hope you can find a more progressive church. There are any number of gay vicars these days, as it should be.

Did you honestly have no idea that the church was anti gay until your own DD came out? Or was it just not relevant?

yes i’m a touch baffled by this

I am sorry to hear this. I’m not particularly religious myself but my concept of Christian love is that God loves us all and, if He does, why should His followers think differently? Your DD may have been rejected by one church but there are others which will be more open. InclusiveChurch (mentioned by a PP) sprang to my mind as well.

Maybe your daughter would appreciate Greenbelt Festival.
she would meet lots of liberal and accepting Christians, indeed many LGBT young people.

You do know that JW and LDS are both branches of Christianity, right?

Other churches will welcome her. Ime, the more old school high church anglican, the more tolerant. It is the floppy-haired, ripped jeans, happy-clappy wannabe rockstar church band environments that are the least welcoming. She may not like the more old-fashioned services but the beliefs are more lenient and (again ime,) most of the staff are gay!

If she looks around, she will find somewhere open minded. If she is brave she might dare to send her ex church leaders a link to the Pray Away documentary or the film Boy Erased.

your daughter has been in the fold of this church for years and this is completely bolt out of the blue?

i wonder who told you this op?

Which denomination is it OP? There are churches out there which would be more accepting so I hope she finds one.

My old Curate was gay ( CofE) we have a few ministers at the Spiritualist church who are gay.. both male and female.
Loads of Catholic priests are gay.
Which church is this?
I'm sorry you are going through this.
God is God.
Don't loose your faith .
Pray at home for those homophobic people.

As a general rule the churches with praise bands, youth workers and children's workers are evangelical and they are very often conservative on sexuality. Those of us that look stuffy on the outside , with choirs, an organist and lots of elderly people tend to be inclusive. I'm a C of E vicar and key members of my leadership team are gay.

I am so sorry that your daughter has been hurt by this church and that she has lost friends.

Inclusive church has already been mentioned.

Again. So sorry.

Sadly, it's not that unusual, and a lot of the homophobic churches are deliberately misleading about attitudes until people are quite enmeshed in the church community.

But do look up Inclusive Church. There are loads of churches which have signed up to this, and it's not just about being LGBTQ+ friendly, but also about things like disability and class and money and race and nationality. And you might like to consider taking you DD to Greenbelt in the summer - it's an inclusive Christan festival with music and plays and speakers and activities, and there's a Queer Communion and a gay disco (and a goth/alternative communion and Taizé and monks and some really inspiring speakers). There's a video about last year's festival here:

This.

I too am so sorry, OP

Unitarians are ok - long tradition of free thinking allowed and do they same sex marriage in church. 👍

it would appear the op isn’t in the mood to engage!

How do you have your child/children attending a religious youth group and not know what the sessions or lectures are about? How do you attend a church and not know that this is their stance? Have you been passive re. the kids faith, are you going to keep attending this church?