To be annoyed that dh referred to us as poor.

[Maisykitten]

hi everyone,

dh and I have some ‘tricky’ finances at the moment. Our business went bust when Covid kicked in and we were left deeply in debt (100k now but more at the start ). We have both managed to get good salaries jobs and we’ve got on top of everything.

we have a small mortgage of 38k on a house worth 300k and all of our bills are paid. Definitely not remortgaging to clear the debt- the house is our security!!

anyway in a conversation dh referred to us as ‘poor’. I have a real issue with that. I agree that we’re in high levels of debt but we aren’t poor. After we’ve paid our mortgage, bills and living costs inc contractual debt payments, we’re left with £2800, much of which goes on extra debt payments.

i think it’s tone deaf to call us poor. I don’t feel poor, in fact i thank my lucky stars everyday that we’re able to dig ourselves out of the hole we are in,

do you agree?

Have you only recently had a large income increase? I can’t understand how apparently most of your 125k debt was 0% or very low interest and you’re paying off around 2.5k in over payments yet your debt is only down to £100k?

Yes for a while it was half the income we have now

We did speak to stepchange however a debt management plan isn’t right for us as that would essentially mean breaking the credit agreement and paying a lower amount. As we can afford the payments it’s not a route that we could pursue. No creditor would agree to reduced payments if the customer can afford the contractual payment

Yes totally, I feel that we are so fortunate. I’m grateful for that everyday

Yeah definitely. We’re budgeting like crazy now whereas during the good days we spent more freely. I regret that we didn’t save more when business was booming.

What does your DH think poor looks like?

So it’s a bit of a false OP then, you use your income to prove you aren’t poor but you’ve had a joint income of 50k with £125k in unsecured debt which is a totally different story so I can see why your DH would feel stressed and poor!
You must not have had £2.5k to put to the debt for very long at all.

I get your point but dh made that comment a few days ago

No idea.

Please tell me you’re just annoyed people don’t agree with you, and it’s not you’re completely ignorant financially and think this is like a mortgage?

Because his lifestyle hasn’t changed. Due to the huge unsecured debt your family income has gone from 50k to 110k but there’s no extra money for around 3 years.

Presumably he thinks poor looks like “budgeting like crazy” and after basic bills putting the rest of their incomes to debt for a number of years with no spare income for any luxuries or frivolous nice to haves.

I get that but I still feel that being able to pay the bills, eat well, run the cars and have the option to enjoy a few small luxuries isn’t poor

Then you and your husband disagree.

pretty much this OP

Most goes on extra debt payments. The 2800 is what is left after they already paid their contractual debts payments, along with all other bills.

2800 is more than a lot of people have each month before any bills etc are paid, so I agree with you, you aren’t poor.

In what way?

my dh is the same. He often will angrily say ‘we can’t afford that’ when I talk about buying something.

we both work full time, our home is valued at $1.5mill AUD we have a combined income of $220k AUD, about $70k in savings, no debt other than $180k mortgage and we own both cars outright.

but yeh when I want to buy something ‘we can’t afford it’ 🙄

OP the pair of you may disagree about the specific label you each put on your situation, but the important thing is that you’re clearly on the same page about how you fix it, and you sound really switched on.

I was thinking about whether when you get to the 0% chunk it might be worth paying into a fixed term higher interest rate savings account instead and using that to pay off as a lump sum when it matures, but if it only makes a small amount of difference financially it’s probably more attractive psychologically to just keep overpaying the debt and seeing the total come down by more every month.

I agree.

I think your DH would know poor if it happened.

Well it depends on what you mean by a few small luxuries, if it’s like 4 coffees a month end that’s the extent of the treats then it would feel pretty lean. Budgeting like crazy, not being able to buy something nice because you fancy it, or go on a holiday for several years in a row due to every spare penny needing to go to debt would “feel” poor to me to. It’s an opinion, it’s not right or wrong.

You have more than £200k in equity on your house with £100k debts so you are in positive territory by £100k and good salaries, you are not poor.

Why does him referring to you as poor upset you? Obviously poor is always a relative term, so there is always going to be some subjectively in its application. Why does the fact that your DH think of you as poor cause you such an issue?

@Maisykitten how about your pensions? Are they in a good state?