To be annoyed that dh referred to us as poor.

[Maisykitten]

hi everyone,

dh and I have some ‘tricky’ finances at the moment. Our business went bust when Covid kicked in and we were left deeply in debt (100k now but more at the start ). We have both managed to get good salaries jobs and we’ve got on top of everything.

we have a small mortgage of 38k on a house worth 300k and all of our bills are paid. Definitely not remortgaging to clear the debt- the house is our security!!

anyway in a conversation dh referred to us as ‘poor’. I have a real issue with that. I agree that we’re in high levels of debt but we aren’t poor. After we’ve paid our mortgage, bills and living costs inc contractual debt payments, we’re left with £2800, much of which goes on extra debt payments.

i think it’s tone deaf to call us poor. I don’t feel poor, in fact i thank my lucky stars everyday that we’re able to dig ourselves out of the hole we are in,

do you agree?

No, I’m very against remortgaging to clear it. If the s hit the fan again then we’d lose our home. Much happier with it bring unsecured even if it does cost a bit more

too right!!

But how long is your 0% rate on your outstanding debt going to last? I always thought those were quite short. When that ends, you might have to look at the best way to refinance that (which could be moving to another 0% if you can, but as a last resort could potentially be remortgaging).

Cross-posted. Obviously if you can afford the higher repayments, that's fine.

That is a gamble but I’m hoping that I’ll be a jd to keep restructuring it.

Poor is a subjective and relative concept. Your husband feels poor because he doesn’t have the money for the lifestyle he wants or to keep up with the Joneses. I think you’ve taken it personally because it’s punctured your self image as a successful business person.

I would absolutely feel I was poor if I had £100k of unsecured debt.

You're right OP.

Poor is no fun money and struggling to pay the bills (whether they're debt or not).

Poor is not 'less fun money than I'd like after everything else is paid for'.

Thats 'on a tight budget' which is not the same thing at all.

Your 'after all the outgoings' amount is near double my income some months.

I don't generally describe myself as poor because I have more income than outgoings and no significant debt (ok I owe HMRC 200 quid.., thats it!), and a small amount of savings.

I have been poor, poor is looking for coppers down the back of the sofa, having actually empty cupboards, having zero in the bank or the purse.

I agree with you OP.

You could secure the debt if you need to.

Your mortgage is way smaller and house worth more than plenty of people I know who are in a fact a few years older than you. Oh they earn less and no fantastic pension either.

None of those would call themselves poor either! They still have dependent DC too.

Unsecured debt is way less risky than secured.

I can't understand all these people thinking that you're "poor" what monthly surplus do they think minimum wagers have 🤔

Maybe instead of taking a holiday they prioritize clearing the debt? That doesn't make them poor it just means they have pressing priorities they need to work out for now.

No one will die if you skip a holiday for a year or two to focus on other priorities.

i was asking. I wasn’t suggesting.

The way you ask about the holiday like that determines if they are poor or not. If I am saving for a house and skip a holiday for 1-2 years does that make me poor?

if you’d seen practically every other post of mine… i am urging debt to be overriding priority and to repay as much and as quickly as possible

it may be a contributory factor to her DH feeling poor

Well I would call myself poor as I have £16.87 in the bank however you have -100k in yours so I would call myself rich in comparison 🤷‍♀️

Thank you

You are welcome 😁

Just out of interest- why would you post something like that

You are not poor. Suggest DH looks around him a bit more. Maybe visit a food bank or a homeless shelter to show him what real poverty is. He is frustrated that you can’t have everything you want out of life. This is the situation most of us find ourselves in at one time or another.

I don’t think it really matters what adjective you apply - you are still in a very tricky financial position. It sounds as if your husband has a better understanding of this than you do. Thinking of yourselves as “poor” may help to manage the situation.

Your assets are +180K.
Your income is high.

You are not poor. If you had a £300K house with a 50% mortgage, this wouldn’t even be a question.

You aren’t remotely poor. You aren’t even badly off.

You aren't poor but I suspect he's struggling with the difference your previous situation and your current situation.

You have far more options than most snd while I accept that it wouldn't be wise to remortgage to clear it. You have at least got that option. To me, poor is having very limited options.

You are facing the next 5 years with very limited surplus cash, until that debt is cleared.

I think it's commendable that you are paying off unsecured creditors and a testament to the kind of people you are.

Of course you’re not poor. Perhaps he feels you should be in a better financial position so he feels poor compared to what he thinks you should have.

Just pay that one off. Seriously.
And up your payments to cut down how much you're paying back long term interest-wise

I wouldn't say you are poor at all, many people have a far higher total debt as your mortgage is so low. Your income is very good and you can easily pay your bills and more. It sounds like you are doing all the right things and heading in the right direction - keep going op, you'll get there.