To be annoyed that dh referred to us as poor.

[Maisykitten]

hi everyone,

dh and I have some ‘tricky’ finances at the moment. Our business went bust when Covid kicked in and we were left deeply in debt (100k now but more at the start ). We have both managed to get good salaries jobs and we’ve got on top of everything.

we have a small mortgage of 38k on a house worth 300k and all of our bills are paid. Definitely not remortgaging to clear the debt- the house is our security!!

anyway in a conversation dh referred to us as ‘poor’. I have a real issue with that. I agree that we’re in high levels of debt but we aren’t poor. After we’ve paid our mortgage, bills and living costs inc contractual debt payments, we’re left with £2800, much of which goes on extra debt payments.

i think it’s tone deaf to call us poor. I don’t feel poor, in fact i thank my lucky stars everyday that we’re able to dig ourselves out of the hole we are in,

do you agree?

So again what do you want from this thread.

Let me guess- you're one of the people who thinks that mumsnetters on whopping £100k salaries are poor because they stupidly bought a massive overpriced car, and therefore have a massive debt?

Its perfectly feasible to borrow 400k on an income of 100k.

No one would bat an eye. OP owes less than half of that on a similar income.

I owe more on a mortgage and earn similar so don’t consider that poor.

Not poor. You could add the £100k to your mortgage, still have >50% equity and could then enjoy the £2k each month. Not fair to say that’s poor when people are genuinely struggling, but if your very focused on bringing down the debt and not having much fun then it may feel a bit like your poor. But you’re not.

Well if you're not able to buy anything/much or go anywhere because you have no money (cash), then you're technically poor. You can't do anything because you can't afford to just like poor people can't.

Your DH is facing reality and calling it as it is but you're looking at feelings and what you have that you could sell if needed (Assets). I'm sure some actual poor people could also 'sell things' if push cane to shove, even if it's not a house or car. Same concept.

At the end of the day, it really doesn't matter. You're both lucky in the sense that once out of the mahoosive debt that has made you 'poor', you can be 'rich' again unlike 'real poor people'.

The reason not to do this is you would be making an unsecured debt secured. By doing that you risk losing your home if you can't pay the debt ( illness, redundancy for example)

It's a terrible idea to put debts on a mortgage.

I was quite clear in my OP?

You asked if we agree I answered and your not happy with my answer so I'm asking what you actually want because if you just want everyone to agree with you don't post on mumsnet

What’s with the spikyness?

You are not being unreasonable because you aren’t poor. You have enough salary to live on and the excess is reasonably going to pay down debt faster.

if you had come on and said you were carrying a £140k mortgage on a home worth £400k and had £2800 disposable a month and were overpaying your mortgage then no one would say you were poor. It is no different.

it is an insult to people who have no assets and struggle to pay their bills to call someone in your position poor. I agree with you, you are in a privileged position.

I'm literally asking a question you're so sensitive first your upset because your husband stated a fact now your upset because I agree with him so I'm asking what you actually want from this thread

I think it’s best if we just don’t engage further. Thank you

If someone earnt £1 miilion and had a £1 million mortgage, are they poor?

Someone with a mortgage is in "debt" but has an asset - such as a house.

How would you define poor? Especially when it comes to assets versus debts and income?

OK bye 👋

you are in a very bad debt. He is right

Don't forget pension as well. My dad had 500,000 but no pension, so 30 years later he's not rich, but owns his home.

Bad debt but with a large asset.
And good salaries.

I guess poverty is relative. Like on one level if you have a device to access Mumsnet on then you are RICH. Even if you don't, but you've eaten an evening meal and won't be sleeping on the streets tonight, you are rich. But then depending on friends/relatives etc, you may still FEEL poor, if you can't afford what they can etc.

But do you have £100k in debt?

I have read your posts and I have to say I'm with your DH.
This amount of debt would terrify me and I would/could not be allowing myself treats.
Appreciate that it was due to circumstances outside of your control, but you now have to be in control of the debt.
I agree you should be living, but with this amount of debt I would be heading off to StepChange or similar to really sort out your priorities.

Couldn't even borrow that kind of money 😅

So each month after bills you are left with £2800, and much of that you use to pay off debts?

Does your DH realise that some people, after their bills, they are left not with the sum of £2800 but with £28.00?

Personally I think your DH's feelings are his feelings and therefore valid. He obviously sees your debt differently to you. Is it because you will both have poor credit scores for the next few years? Is it because he thought you might be debt free by your current age?

It would be interesting to know your lifestyle prior to your business troubles. Are they different to how you are living now?

I know people with millions who feel poor, it’s all relative. Your DH probably feels poor compared to his previous situation