To be annoyed that dh referred to us as poor.

[Maisykitten]

hi everyone,

dh and I have some ‘tricky’ finances at the moment. Our business went bust when Covid kicked in and we were left deeply in debt (100k now but more at the start ). We have both managed to get good salaries jobs and we’ve got on top of everything.

we have a small mortgage of 38k on a house worth 300k and all of our bills are paid. Definitely not remortgaging to clear the debt- the house is our security!!

anyway in a conversation dh referred to us as ‘poor’. I have a real issue with that. I agree that we’re in high levels of debt but we aren’t poor. After we’ve paid our mortgage, bills and living costs inc contractual debt payments, we’re left with £2800, much of which goes on extra debt payments.

i think it’s tone deaf to call us poor. I don’t feel poor, in fact i thank my lucky stars everyday that we’re able to dig ourselves out of the hole we are in,

do you agree?

Agreed.

It’s all context.
I had 10k on a credit card after divorce but i was only earning 17k.
I really had to work to get the bill paid off.

you’ll get there but I can see how it feels poor when you’re working hard but all the money goes on debt.

I had to take on exDH half of the credit card so was essentially paying off his frivolous spends.

You can feel poor, without being poor.

A lot of your money is going straight to the debt, so compared to your healthy incomes, and low mortgage, you’re not living the life you could go on this income. So it’s relative.

Paying your contractual debt payments would I assume mean minimum payments so your path towards being debt free (including mortgage) is probably far off in his opinion and I would agree with his terminology. Sorry OP but better to be honest / realistic and reflective with him on the same page. Hope you manage to get it sorted.

Well although you won’t go hungry on paper your net worth isn’t great is it. So I do see where he is coming from.

@Maisykitten It sounds like your DH is delusional and out of touch. I felt sympathy when I read about the £100k debt, but almost having paid off your mortgage puts you in a very strong financial position. Also, having £2.8k a month as disposable income is extremely high and few people have that luxury.

Your total debt is huge and is greater than your combined annual income so I don't think your DH is wrong to describe you as 'poor'. He's just being realistic about your current financial situation.

That’s true of almost everyone with a mortgage and that is an option open to them, which they are choosing not to take.

but isn’t that like most people with a mortgage?

But you are poor, your debts are massive.

It seems so strange not to remortgage when the interest on the mortgage would be much lower?

He looks at money in a different way to you. We owe more than you on our mortgage and I wouldn't consider us poor and our joint income is also less. You are doing the sensible thing in working to overpay and as you've already said are allowing yourself some treats. A holiday abroad isn't the be all and end all and you could have one if you wished but it does make more sense to pay off the debt as quickly as you can. If that means that you spend less of your disposable income on yourselves then fair enough. I'd talk to him and see where these feelings are coming from.

Completely.'

OP this is the wrong place to post a thread like this, unless you've got massive pensions, mortgage paid off, having luxuries left right and centre, paying enough in but not too much (never the right balance), then posters will criticise and find some way to feel superior to you

You have manageable debt, you have assets more than your debt, you hve a very comfortable income, you're young enough to get it cleared, its fine, its really fine.

All these sneery and po faced posts about 'he is just being realistic', no he isnt being realistic, he is thinking he is some sort of victim, he is well off and comfortable.

For Me this depends on

1. Net earnings
2. What you include in the pre- disposable income (food? Clothes? Petrol, holidays)

It's so wildly variable. Are you eating beans on toast and cutting your hair at home and watering down the shampoo?

I think you need a better budget.

He's it wrong though, oh had 100k more money 5 years ago and therefore are poorer.

I'd say it's very dependant on your retirement funds. In your situation you should have a pot of about 200,000 each today with a final pension of 300,000 each. If you don't have that then I would agree with your hubby in the sense that you are future poor. At your age you should have more in your pensions that what's left on your mortgage (and debt). I hope you both have life and critical illness through your jobs.

Not really, not everyone wants their debt tied up in their mortgage, perhaps they couldnt remortgage, perhaps its less flexible, perhaps the interest rate isnt significantly different for it to make a difference.

Sorry should have said that it's a bad situation, but you are doing everything to resolve it instead of trying to misuse the system. Wel done, hope you can keep it up.

Your not poor you have debt alot of debt.

It's irrelevant whether you are poor or not. This is how your dh feels and it's rude to discard his feelings ... just accept it and move on.

DEFINETELY NOT POOR. I've been poor previously, a world away from your situation

Because it's a fact £16.87 is more then - £100k. Your husband is right. What are you actually wanting from this thread the truth or people to say no your not poor you have loads of money in the bank owing 100k is nothing.

Mortgage is relatively small though - £38k. I can totally see that as a consequence of going bust during covid.

I think you’ve simplified something that is much more complex

No, they’re not. They have £100k debt from business going bust during Covid. But their mortgage is tiny compared to the average these days - £38k on a home that’ worth £300,000. Add them together and that’s no more than the average mortgage these days.

£138k isn't alot of debt ..
I bet most people have more than that in their mortgage