To be annoyed that dh referred to us as poor.

[Maisykitten]

hi everyone,

dh and I have some ‘tricky’ finances at the moment. Our business went bust when Covid kicked in and we were left deeply in debt (100k now but more at the start ). We have both managed to get good salaries jobs and we’ve got on top of everything.

we have a small mortgage of 38k on a house worth 300k and all of our bills are paid. Definitely not remortgaging to clear the debt- the house is our security!!

anyway in a conversation dh referred to us as ‘poor’. I have a real issue with that. I agree that we’re in high levels of debt but we aren’t poor. After we’ve paid our mortgage, bills and living costs inc contractual debt payments, we’re left with £2800, much of which goes on extra debt payments.

i think it’s tone deaf to call us poor. I don’t feel poor, in fact i thank my lucky stars everyday that we’re able to dig ourselves out of the hole we are in,

do you agree?

dependents?
what do you spend the £2.8k on?

anyway in a conversation dh referred to us as ‘poor’. I have a real issue with that

Statistically, you are correct that you are not poor.
However, given that you have suffered significant financial set backs and are still in a lot of debt, I think it is unfair to have an issue with your DH referring to you both as “poor.” Perhaps he should have correctly said “we are poorer than we were” instead summing it up as “poor.”

As it is, you have said the reason you have an issue is because you “don’t feel poor”. If you are going by feeling not statistics, then it is possible for him to feel poor while you simultaneously do not feel poor and both of you to be correct.

This

I'd feel hard done by if this was happening to me

Perhaps this is what your husband meant?

2 years as we were earning far less until recently

I don’t think “poor” is the right word as you have assets and high earning potential. You are in debt obviously - but that’s not exactly the same as being poor. And conversely you can be poor without debt.

In that case then he probably does feel “poor”. If that 2.8k is being used for debt (as it should be with a 100k debt) then that’s not your fun/disposable income, it’s got a purpose and that is getting rid of your debt asap. So I assume you’ve adjusted your lifestyle/spending habits to match this, and so he probably does feel “poor”.

Two Grown up kids. We use it to make extra debt payments

so AFTER the “extra debt payments” (aka debt payments!), how much of the £2.8k left?

i imagine your pensions took a hammering, i’d be ploughing in to that

You may legally be making the “choice” to spend that spare £2.8k on debt payments, but when you have that level of debt it’s not really a choice. It’s the only sensible option to shove as much of it at clearing the debt as possible. So what you’re really left with is whatever you can justify keeping after making the biggest payment toward the debt you can manage.

'Asset rich but cash poor' is surely how you should describe yourselves. In that you don't have much actual money (because of repaying the debts) but you do have assets (the house which if push came to shove you could sell, clear the debts and you'd be OK.

how old are you and dh Op?

Well if after all living costs they can overpay debt then I wouldn't call them cash poor either

They are choosing to spend the 2.8k as additional debt repayments.
Minimium repayments are already taken into account. So if they need some extra cash one month, they can just over pay the debt a little slower.

No shit Sherlock.

you’d think…

no you have misunderstood

“most” of the £2.8k is being channeled towards the “extra” debt payment

so… they are presumably left with very little cash to spend a month

hence dh feeling poor

”extra debt payments”

are just “debt payments” above the paltry minimum

It depends. This month we used £2000 of the £2800 as we also had to pay the house insurance renewal and a MOT /repair bill

I would be incredulous if I heard someone in OPs situation being referred to as poor. Is that a 'strong negative reaction' or amazement.

Its not factual, so clearly isnt neutral. Its not accurate

OP is comfortable, not particularly well off but has clear assets, manageable debt, good income.

In what definition is that poor?

I wouldn’t describe you as poor if your debt is manageable and you can comfortably afford to meet any repayments. For me, poor is living month to month without assets or savings.

I don’t think it’s right to say debt makes someone “poor”. DH and I are high earners but we’ve just bought a house with a £720k mortgage which is a huge debt! However, we can comfortably afford the mortgage payments and still have disposable income to go on holiday.

Do you still have money left after your repayments each month?

That's not poverty.

How many times does OP need to tell you that they're already making extra, voluntary repayments? I'm sure I've come across you on multiple threads recently (under various name changes) where you're hounding the OP with question after question, giving 'suggestions' which are designed to make them feel more shit about their situation and not actually listening or processing the information already given. It's not helpful.

have you taken a holiday since business plummeted?

how old are you? is he / you concerned about your pension? if you self employed and business seriously struggling and then creases… i’m guessing pension hasn’t been a priority

I wouldn’t use the term ‘poor’ about them, either, but one of the people in this situation has used it. It’s presumably ‘accurate’ as far as he’s concerned, in that it reflects his view of their financial situation.

A mortgage is a different animal though,it is based on affordability and over a long period, to credit card debt, of which the op and her husband will be living frugally for the next 4 years trying to pay it off.