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Original poster

18 year old wants to take a year off to do.... nothing

129 replies

losenotloose · 14/09/2024 16:39

This is what ds1 wants to do. How would you feel about it? Me and dh have told him he needs to be in education or working, a year off to hang out in his room smoking weed is not ok. He thinks we are being unreasonable and should leave him to it. He makes a small amount of money selling stuff on eBay.

OP posts:
AgnesX · 14/09/2024 16:41

In a word, no. You have the right attitude. He needs to be doing something constructive.

The novelty would wear off soon with no funds. Does he expect you to fund him?

alpacachino · 14/09/2024 16:42

How's he going to afford the weed?

Dreamsofcruise · 14/09/2024 16:42

Well if that’s really what he intends, sat in his bedroom s no king week then its absolutely not a ‘plan’ is it.
My DS is intending to take some tome out to travel and persue his own business for a while, I believe he will do both of these things but have still made it clear he needs a clear plan, both short and medium term or else he needs to make his own way.

Yellowbananasarebetterthangreen · 14/09/2024 16:43

I would be asking him how he plans to support himself during that year. How will he pay the rent you'll be asking for? What chores will he be contributing to?

DearGoldFish · 14/09/2024 16:44

he sounds depressed and that he has very little in life to look forward to

Rosybud88 · 14/09/2024 16:44

I was told that if I wanted to live under my parents roof - I’d have to be studying full time or working full time and I think it’s one of the best things my parents ever said to me. My brother and I have always had a good work ethic.

Original poster
losenotloose · 14/09/2024 16:45

He buys cheap crap from the likes of Temu and resells it on eBay. That's how he pays for weed. We give him no money now and don't pay for his phone. I can't get my head around his mentality. He seems to think having a year to do nothing is totally fine. I wouldn't mind so much if he went travelling or volunteering or anything really but he barely leaves the house.

OP posts:
poppyzbrite4 · 14/09/2024 16:45

He can do what he likes as long as he pays for it. I assume he's got savings to support his sabbatical.

PivotPivotmakingmargaritas · 14/09/2024 16:46

I would be saying no he needs to be in education or get a job and absolutely no weed in the house!!!

Tell him he will be paying for his phone, transport lunches , social life etc so he will need to get a job as the bank of mum and dad does not pay for someone to sit around all year

DadJoke · 14/09/2024 16:46

Does he already have a deferred place at university or any other fixed plans after his supposed year off?

Mindymomo · 14/09/2024 16:47

Depends on what he wants to do after his year off first, is he applying for university to go next year then he needs to apply soon. If not, then there’s no real point taking a year off, a year off from what. No I wouldn’t be happy, certainly not smoking weed. DS1 took 6 months after university but was applying for jobs and was getting disheartened not working he was just about to do anything, but fortunately did get a temporary job, which turned into permanent.

Original poster
losenotloose · 14/09/2024 16:47

He's addicted to weed. I've asked if he's depressed, would like counselling etc. I just want him to start doing things to get him out of the house and meeting new people.

OP posts:
yasminandtheredrose · 14/09/2024 16:47

A year to go travelling is one thing... sitting in his bedroom smoking weed and doing absolutely nothing is another. No way would I be okay with that.

GoodVibesHere · 14/09/2024 16:49

Well we'd all like to wouldn't we?...but no, it's not reality. He needs a job or college of some sort even if part-time.

Original poster
losenotloose · 14/09/2024 16:49

Glad to see these responses. Honestly, sometimes I feel like I'm going mad. He really acts like we're making a big deal out of nothing

OP posts:
Lentilweaver · 14/09/2024 16:49

Nope. Absolutely not. And I wouldn't be allowing any weed in my house.

Original poster
losenotloose · 14/09/2024 16:50

To anyone saying they wouldn't allow weed at home etc, believe me neither would I until this happened. It's been a nightmare

OP posts:
DaintyYellowShoes · 14/09/2024 16:51

Nope, absolutely not. After a year doing nothing he'll find it harder to launch into the adult world, AND the adult world will be less keen to have him. It's a terrible idea.

DaintyYellowShoes · 14/09/2024 16:52

And this is an age when he should be broadening his horizons, not narrowing them.

DearGoldFish · 14/09/2024 16:52

losenotloose · 14/09/2024 16:47

He's addicted to weed. I've asked if he's depressed, would like counselling etc. I just want him to start doing things to get him out of the house and meeting new people.

and that OP, should have been your first sentence

HowYouSpellingThat10 · 14/09/2024 16:53

Ah weed. The killer of ambition.

I don't know how you force him out of it but not doing so will not end well. Good luck

DearGoldFish · 14/09/2024 16:53

if he’s addicted to weed, he’s unemployable

MumChp · 14/09/2024 16:54

That's fine son but not under my roof.

Original poster
losenotloose · 14/09/2024 16:55

@DearGoldFish why? I'm fully aware that weed is the cause of almost all his issues. I've spoken to the GP. How can you force someone to stop?!

OP posts:
Lifeasweknowitisrandom · 14/09/2024 16:55

100% no. The only way he'll stop being addicted to the weed is if he addresses the root cause of why it started and why it's continued.

With no routine, no responsibilities, limited funds, probably a lack of exercise and fresh air it def won't improve.