18 year old wants to take a year off to do.... nothing

[losenotloose]

This is what ds1 wants to do. How would you feel about it? Me and dh have told him he needs to be in education or working, a year off to hang out in his room smoking weed is not ok. He thinks we are being unreasonable and should leave him to it. He makes a small amount of money selling stuff on eBay.

Ah OP this is an awful situation to be in and I think not that uncommon in many aspects.

You cannot make him give up weed or get a job or address the root cause of his issues. You could try to charge him rent in the hope it'd spur him into action but I don't fancy your chances. You could kick him out but at that age he prob won't have friends he can sofa surf with so may well end up on the street.

Basically you are screwed until he finds some motivation.

I think YOU need some counselling to help you deal with the situation. It'd be useful if you could find a support group for parents of drug addicted children.

See if you can find a specialist website, you need advice from others who have been there.

Try to keep a decent relationship with your son. If he can talk to you about his issues then maybe you can help him process his thoughts and gradually nudge towards help.

My bil who I've known for 26 years has always smoked weed. He.only did it at home after work. It never affected his job or.his.life for years. We all accepted that part of him. However 6 years ago he developed a mental illness. The consultant said it was triggered by long-term use of weed! We were all very shocked. He's now on regular medication and seems okay now. But I never knew long term use of weed could damage you mentally.

seems kind of obvious to me.
did you think it would have no effect ?

If you can, get him to volunteer doing animal care, especially horses. It can be life changing for someone who is feeling like he is.